Edmund 'Bunny' Corcoran, The Secret History
((This app has been cleared with all the other TSH muns.
DISCLAIMER: The views espoused by this pup do not even remotely resemble those of his mun. Please confine your outrage to the character. He is awful and deserves it. Thank you.))
A young man, mid-twenties at best, ambled into the Sorting Room, feeling the pockets of his baggy tweed jacket. He was handsome in the way of countless ingenuous prep-school boys; his nondescript blond hair fell in his eyes, which were light blue and watery, innocent, like a child's. He wore round glasses which caught the light, sometimes giving his cherubic face an inscrutable expression that seemed out of place, as though a baby in a pram had suddenly gone wily.
His body was thick but not fat, the sort of flabby that overlays a lifetime of sporty muscle when its owner is too self-indulgent. After a moment of groping in his pockets, he came up with a handful of Dum-Dum lollipops, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He stuffed the lollipops back in his jacket pocket and made a production of lighting a cigarette, inhaling sharply of the rather pungent smoke.
"So," said Bunny, his tone satisfied. "I've made it, then, have I?" He blew a couple of smoke rings and chuckled smugly. "Quite the old home week, this promises to be." He looked at the dictaquill with approval. "That'll write for me, will it? Good-oh. Off we go."
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Bunny waved the hand holding the cigarette expansively, scattering ash on the floor. "Fontina, at the moment. Fore-ma-jee-oh, don't you know. Like to try some French cheese, but I haven't been to France yet. The Frogs know their stuff, food-wise, I've been told."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"Don't know anyone named Barney, so I'll plump for Carrottop. I know someone who just fits that descrip'." Bunny smiled, upper lip curling just a bit.
3. What time is it where you are?
He snorted. "Past time, really."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Bunny's benign expression became hard, dismissive. "Don't know these people, but they all sound like homos. What do they do, sit round in a circle and pass the gerbil?" He guffawed at his own joke.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
His eyes narrowed, his mouth curved in a sneer. "Cuniculus Molestus. Been called that before - but they had no idea what trouble really is, my way of thinking." Bunny gave a short laugh, devoid of humor.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
He rolled his eyes. "Oh, God, homos again. Round them all up and burn them at the stake, my opinion."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Bunny grinned. "Get Charles to deal with it. Used to be pretty good at forging signatures and the like; good at following orders and avoiding consequences, too." He raised his hands in a gesture of innocence, palms out, cigarette dangling from his lips. "Hi-ho the derry-o. No harm, no foul, isn't that it? Only sometimes you get both, don't you?" He dropped his hands with a shrug, still grinning.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Bunny smoked for a moment, eyeing the dictaquill. "You've been talking to Henry, haven't you?" He tossed the cigarette stub to the ground and stepped on it.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"Well, let's see. I've got a pack of cigs, but I'd rather keep those. They're imported - Swiss, you know. Got them in Rome. Here's a Latin lexicon - I might need that... be amazed at what you can learn, really. Interemptor, interfector, occisor, percussor, sicarius... It shows the plurals, too. Useful, that."
He rummaged through his pockets, carefully putting the lighter back without mentioning it. "Got these pops if you want 'em. Seem to have left my wallet somewhere. Sorry, old trout. Check back later, I might have something to pass along."
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG not to mention a terrific place to exact revenge. ____EC________
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them except if I can figure out a way to kill Never mind, that's fine. _____EC______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ____EC_______.
One day, marmalade espresso will rule the world. _____EC________"
DISCLAIMER: The views espoused by this pup do not even remotely resemble those of his mun. Please confine your outrage to the character. He is awful and deserves it. Thank you.))
A young man, mid-twenties at best, ambled into the Sorting Room, feeling the pockets of his baggy tweed jacket. He was handsome in the way of countless ingenuous prep-school boys; his nondescript blond hair fell in his eyes, which were light blue and watery, innocent, like a child's. He wore round glasses which caught the light, sometimes giving his cherubic face an inscrutable expression that seemed out of place, as though a baby in a pram had suddenly gone wily.
His body was thick but not fat, the sort of flabby that overlays a lifetime of sporty muscle when its owner is too self-indulgent. After a moment of groping in his pockets, he came up with a handful of Dum-Dum lollipops, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He stuffed the lollipops back in his jacket pocket and made a production of lighting a cigarette, inhaling sharply of the rather pungent smoke.
"So," said Bunny, his tone satisfied. "I've made it, then, have I?" He blew a couple of smoke rings and chuckled smugly. "Quite the old home week, this promises to be." He looked at the dictaquill with approval. "That'll write for me, will it? Good-oh. Off we go."
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Bunny waved the hand holding the cigarette expansively, scattering ash on the floor. "Fontina, at the moment. Fore-ma-jee-oh, don't you know. Like to try some French cheese, but I haven't been to France yet. The Frogs know their stuff, food-wise, I've been told."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"Don't know anyone named Barney, so I'll plump for Carrottop. I know someone who just fits that descrip'." Bunny smiled, upper lip curling just a bit.
3. What time is it where you are?
He snorted. "Past time, really."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Bunny's benign expression became hard, dismissive. "Don't know these people, but they all sound like homos. What do they do, sit round in a circle and pass the gerbil?" He guffawed at his own joke.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
His eyes narrowed, his mouth curved in a sneer. "Cuniculus Molestus. Been called that before - but they had no idea what trouble really is, my way of thinking." Bunny gave a short laugh, devoid of humor.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
He rolled his eyes. "Oh, God, homos again. Round them all up and burn them at the stake, my opinion."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Bunny grinned. "Get Charles to deal with it. Used to be pretty good at forging signatures and the like; good at following orders and avoiding consequences, too." He raised his hands in a gesture of innocence, palms out, cigarette dangling from his lips. "Hi-ho the derry-o. No harm, no foul, isn't that it? Only sometimes you get both, don't you?" He dropped his hands with a shrug, still grinning.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Bunny smoked for a moment, eyeing the dictaquill. "You've been talking to Henry, haven't you?" He tossed the cigarette stub to the ground and stepped on it.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"Well, let's see. I've got a pack of cigs, but I'd rather keep those. They're imported - Swiss, you know. Got them in Rome. Here's a Latin lexicon - I might need that... be amazed at what you can learn, really. Interemptor, interfector, occisor, percussor, sicarius... It shows the plurals, too. Useful, that."
He rummaged through his pockets, carefully putting the lighter back without mentioning it. "Got these pops if you want 'em. Seem to have left my wallet somewhere. Sorry, old trout. Check back later, I might have something to pass along."
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG not to mention a terrific place to exact revenge. ____EC________
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them except if I can figure out a way to kill Never mind, that's fine. _____EC______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ____EC_______.
One day, marmalade espresso will rule the world. _____EC________"