((Okay'd by zee Dethklok muns!))
Definitely not as cool as Mordhaus. But hey. Any kind of castle's pretty brutal.
What looks like just about the only man to be able to be just about totally Irish and pull off a dreadlock'd comb-over suddenly appeared in the middle of the sorting room, giant cloud of TOTALLY METAL smoke wafting out through the
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If it was one thing that Nathan hadn't been doing around the castle, it was catching all the bugs he could and trying to breed them together to create a super race of bugs to become Dethklok's minions are take over the world. Of course he hadn't. Absolutely not. Turns out there's not much luck in breeding a cockroach and a mantis together.
And, Pickles in his tighty whities, clutching vodka? Totally a familiar sight. Passing by the Sorting Room with Hotdog in his typical place on Nathan's shoulder, he snorted. "Pickles, this place is turning into Mordhaus," he grunted, leaving that as his greeting.
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Dude. Superbug breeding was totally metal.
But, hey! Nathan! Toki hadn't been lying! "Hey, man, I mean, uh. You really ain't gonna want this place to be, uh. To be Mordhaus. Yeah, not anymore," he replied, almost sheepishly, and took a large swig of vodka. "Yeah, er, uh. Kinda just been me and, uh, Murderface and. It's... yeah, it's kinda trashed. And. ...Smells. Like him."
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Whoa! Blood-sucking rat! That's pretty frickin' awesome. "Hey, man, that rat's, like. Yeah, it's totally brutal. And uh. I think hot dogs are too, so, yeah, that kinda, uh, it works."
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Nathan was probably just cursed with a long line of shitty livers, even with transplants. Maybe he drank at the wrong times of day. "If you wander around in your tighty whities much more, it probably will," he pointed out helpfully.
"Of course hotdogs are brutal!" He punctuated his point by shaking the rat a little, and then putting the animal back on his shoulder. "He eats flesh. And other dead rats. And he bit Toki. He's totally metal."
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Except Pickles drank at all times of the day, so. Wasn't one of them bound to be bad? Man, he didn't know. He just knew he didn't yarf up blood. Which would have been totally metal. If he did. ...New livers are metal, he was pretty sure. "Hey, douchebag, I ain't smellin' as bad as that asshole," he snapped instead, and automatically doubled back with, "And, uh, yeah, sorry about that douchebag thing - I ain't had nothin' to eat."
Apparently any sort of a euphemism for a cock was pretty damn brutal, in their eyes, but that was okay. "Dude, yeah, he's, like, he's totally metal now yeh." Only. Wait. "Hang on, uh. If he bit Toki, don't that. ...He ain't got those... die... dee.... dee-uh-beadies thing, do he?"
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Nathan just rolled his eyes, more than used to random hissyfits. Hey, they were the most popular band where they came from, you had to get used to them. "Just order something from the... tiny chefs around here when you're voted." Except if they were all dead; Dethklok did seem to get a lot of chefs dying around them.
"Diabetes?" Nathan looked rather confused, but then he finally clicked onto what Pickles was saying. "Oh. Hm. I dunno. Doesn't, like... your dick turn green and fall off if you get it?"
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Pickles couldn't really help himself. ...They were inevitable, really. And, you know, living by yourself with Murderface for long enough has to do something on a guy's sanity, especially one who hasn't ever really been too mentally stable in the first place. "Chefs, eh?" he asked with furrowed eyebrows, scratching at his head with the bottle again. "You mean they ain't dead? Or, yeh know. Hooked up to some kinda. Coma thing?"
Oh, shit. He never really thought of that. "Thought that was all them STD crap things that Skwisgaar's gettin' all the time? From, you know. Bangin' all the ladies. I dunno, man, I just, uh, yeah. I don't think Toki's gotta green dick."
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Nathan had certainly heard enough about Skwisgaar's various STDs in the last week or so, and he was now haunted with an eternal fear of lobsters. "Toki had better not have diabetes. If he does, it'd better not screw up our music."
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Being haunted by lobsters was pretty brutal too. All those pinchers. Llegh. "I, uh. I'm pretty, uh. Yeah, pretty sure he does, man. But, uh." He frowned, squinting an eye in thought. "Can we mix out second guitar, man? I dunno, that, uh. Not as easy to do as bass."
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Mixing out second guitar did sound pretty hard, as much as a perfectionist as Nathan was. "Hm. I guess. Maybe he can just play in post-production, when he's... like, cured, or something." Was there a cure for having your dick turn green and fall off? Nathan had no idea. "Anyway, which House do you want?" Hopefully Pickles picked a pack of pickled peppers Hufflepuff, because then all four of them could be there and create havoc.
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Yeah, he was pretty positive that deleting out Toki would... sound like crap. So. "Yeah, man, but, I mean, maybe he'll just use that, uh. That dildo he bought way back when. Which is, yeh know, green, so maybe not." It might remind him of his dick, after all. "Everyone's sayin' that, uh. Puffy house thing. You in it too? Cuz. Toki said yeh were, but." He trailed off, vaguely, choosing to take another large swig of vodka instead.
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Ah, but there was a thought - Toki could just use a dildo as a replacement! It wouldn't be nearly as gratifying, but... eh, that wasn't Nathan's problem. It was Toki's fault if he caught diabetes. "Or he could just use a cucumber. Or... never have sex." But that was a fucking scary thought. "Oh, yeah... Hufflepuff. Pretty un-metal name, but yeah, I'm there too. We're gonna get a food store there, I think."
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"Ah, man, that's just..." Pickles shook his head, ruefully, as if he were disappointed in Nathan. "That's just plain-out mean, dude, I mean, wishin' no sex on a guy, it's... Yer kinda cruel, you know." A scary thought, that was. ...Hell, even having to use a cucumber was a scary thought. Diabetes was a freaky thing - Pickles was going to have to make sure he didn't catch it! "Ooh, yeah. Toki said, uh. Said somethin' about that. Food libraries, man."
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