Application for Rachel Morgan; Kim Harrison's Rachel Morgan series
((For playability reasons, Rachel is being taken from the end of Dead Witch Walking, the first in her series. Just for clarification, the italicized portions are her answers. The rest is just...for your reading pleasure, I suppose. XD))
I walked into the room, the clack of my boots on the stone floor echoing around. Huh. This was...interesting. Wiping my hands nervously on the sides of my leather pants, I tried in vain to smooth back my frizzy curls and called out, "Hello?"
Nothing. Great. Well, this was the magic school place, so even though it looked like a bad scene out of a pre-Turn horror flick, I supposed I might as well get started.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
I paused, reading over the question twice. Riiiiight. Glancing around as if to see if freaking Trent was hiding in a corner, watching me with that smug grin on his face - this seemed like the type of thing that would be right up his alley - I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and shrugged. Whatever. Oddest question I've ever seen on a college admissions exam, but not my place to argue. At least it wasn't a damn math question. I sucked at math. Except for the stuff needed for my stirring, but that was different. My life never depended on how fast two trains would reach Timmy down the well or whatever.
Whatever happens to be in the fridge and will taste good on top of a pizza. Not too picky.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Ok, now this was just weird. Glaring for a moment at the question, as if it was the paper's fault, I then looked around the room again. Entrapment? An I.S. plot? Jenks was nowhere to be seen, unfortunately, so I didn't even really know if there was some spell aimed at my head. I didn't think so, but...
I don't kill people. I would, however, drag both their sorry asses into I.S. and let them sort it out. I'm thinking a nice padded cell is just what they both need. Especially Carrottop. That guy is just scary.
3. What time is it where you are?
About three pm.
Wait. I paused and looked down at my watch. Damn. Not working. Again. Salt water is hell on watches and this was my fourth one in as many weeks. I really needed to start being more careful. I quickly amended my answer.
About three pm.
Haven't a clue.
I hoped that didn't get points taken off. Was this thing grading on a curve? Did I even get a grade? Hell if I knew. Brilliant, Rache, just brilliant.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Slamming down the pen feather thing (seriously, who used quills anymore?), I glowered, hands on my hips. "Ok, Trent. Or Denon. Or whoever the hell is trying to set me up. I am not going to fall for some crappy little trap. Or...this isn't even a crappy trap. It's a non-trap. What do you think I'm going to do? Write down some made-up crime so you can toss me to the I.S.? You can just go Turn yourself."
And cue the crickets. Getting no response, I sighed, worried eyes flicking around the room. After another moment I picked back up the quill.
I don't harass. Never really needed to, to be honest. Don't mind looking, though. But I've never heard of this Order, so picking one is out of the question.
There. Answered the question but didn't write something that anyone could... What the hell could they do, anyway? Sexual harassment wasn't exactly something I'd be proud of or wear a button advocating or any of that, but they couldn't get me for admitting I might someday do it to some person I don't even know. This was all...just weird. No other way to describe it.
Although, if any of them are taller than me and not so big I can't pin them to the floor in a fit of passion, bring 'em on.
Praying that Jenks would never ever read that, I blushed a little and moved on. What? Can't find anything if you don't look.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
I smirked. This one was easy.
The Stuffed Tomato.
Keep humans away and a fun little inside joke for the Inderlanders. Not bad.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
What the... Frowning, I once more looked around the room, but this time for help. "Oh, God." This was so more of an Ivy question. Mythology? I didn't have a clue. Well, I guess it was time for the tried and true essay answer fall-back. Make crap up.
Most mythology has people getting married and then death and usually some sort of incest. So, I'd say he shouldn't marry either of them. Or else bad things might happen. Or someone might get the head of an ass.
Yeah. That was just great. I was really banking on that curve. And that everyone else who took this test was a moron.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
You live with an anal-retentive living vampire runner who over-plans everything.
Ha. Another easy one.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Ok, now I was sure Trent was behind this crap and I was going to kick his ass for it. Useless? He could go Turn himself.
I am was an Inderland Security runner. My job was to track down the bad guys and bring them in. Make sure no day-trippers humans got hurt in the process. I managed to walk away from an I.S. death threat after I left the agency, which is no mean feat. I'm also a white earth witch though my ley line magic isn't half bad, and pretty good at stirring. I managed to get out of a deal with a demon. We'll just ignore the favor I still owe. Also, I'm pretty good at the physical stuff.
I paused. Oh, wait. That sounded...
Like fighting.
Way to proposition an inanimate object, there, Morgan. Just great.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Oh, crap. Now I had to freaking bribe the damn thing? Digging in my pockets with a sigh, I found a buss pass, a wrinkled wad of bills, a few pennies, an ink pen, a couple of charms, my finger stick for invoking them, and my handcuffs. Right, the handcuffs were mine. I listed the rest, along with a few other non-material things.
Buss pass
Thirty-seven dollars and eight cents
Ink pen (black)
Two sleepy-time charms
One disguise amulet
One pain amulet
Finger stick
I can also teach anyone hand-to-hand combat. Or if you have a spell you need stirred, I can try, provided the ingredients are handy.
That would have to do.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ____RM________
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ___RM________.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ____RM_______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _____RM________"
I walked into the room, the clack of my boots on the stone floor echoing around. Huh. This was...interesting. Wiping my hands nervously on the sides of my leather pants, I tried in vain to smooth back my frizzy curls and called out, "Hello?"
Nothing. Great. Well, this was the magic school place, so even though it looked like a bad scene out of a pre-Turn horror flick, I supposed I might as well get started.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
I paused, reading over the question twice. Riiiiight. Glancing around as if to see if freaking Trent was hiding in a corner, watching me with that smug grin on his face - this seemed like the type of thing that would be right up his alley - I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and shrugged. Whatever. Oddest question I've ever seen on a college admissions exam, but not my place to argue. At least it wasn't a damn math question. I sucked at math. Except for the stuff needed for my stirring, but that was different. My life never depended on how fast two trains would reach Timmy down the well or whatever.
Whatever happens to be in the fridge and will taste good on top of a pizza. Not too picky.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Ok, now this was just weird. Glaring for a moment at the question, as if it was the paper's fault, I then looked around the room again. Entrapment? An I.S. plot? Jenks was nowhere to be seen, unfortunately, so I didn't even really know if there was some spell aimed at my head. I didn't think so, but...
I don't kill people. I would, however, drag both their sorry asses into I.S. and let them sort it out. I'm thinking a nice padded cell is just what they both need. Especially Carrottop. That guy is just scary.
3. What time is it where you are?
About three pm.
Wait. I paused and looked down at my watch. Damn. Not working. Again. Salt water is hell on watches and this was my fourth one in as many weeks. I really needed to start being more careful. I quickly amended my answer.
About three pm.
Haven't a clue.
I hoped that didn't get points taken off. Was this thing grading on a curve? Did I even get a grade? Hell if I knew. Brilliant, Rache, just brilliant.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Slamming down the pen feather thing (seriously, who used quills anymore?), I glowered, hands on my hips. "Ok, Trent. Or Denon. Or whoever the hell is trying to set me up. I am not going to fall for some crappy little trap. Or...this isn't even a crappy trap. It's a non-trap. What do you think I'm going to do? Write down some made-up crime so you can toss me to the I.S.? You can just go Turn yourself."
And cue the crickets. Getting no response, I sighed, worried eyes flicking around the room. After another moment I picked back up the quill.
I don't harass. Never really needed to, to be honest. Don't mind looking, though. But I've never heard of this Order, so picking one is out of the question.
There. Answered the question but didn't write something that anyone could... What the hell could they do, anyway? Sexual harassment wasn't exactly something I'd be proud of or wear a button advocating or any of that, but they couldn't get me for admitting I might someday do it to some person I don't even know. This was all...just weird. No other way to describe it.
Although, if any of them are taller than me and not so big I can't pin them to the floor in a fit of passion, bring 'em on.
Praying that Jenks would never ever read that, I blushed a little and moved on. What? Can't find anything if you don't look.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
I smirked. This one was easy.
The Stuffed Tomato.
Keep humans away and a fun little inside joke for the Inderlanders. Not bad.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
What the... Frowning, I once more looked around the room, but this time for help. "Oh, God." This was so more of an Ivy question. Mythology? I didn't have a clue. Well, I guess it was time for the tried and true essay answer fall-back. Make crap up.
Most mythology has people getting married and then death and usually some sort of incest. So, I'd say he shouldn't marry either of them. Or else bad things might happen. Or someone might get the head of an ass.
Yeah. That was just great. I was really banking on that curve. And that everyone else who took this test was a moron.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
You live with an anal-retentive living vampire runner who over-plans everything.
Ha. Another easy one.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Ok, now I was sure Trent was behind this crap and I was going to kick his ass for it. Useless? He could go Turn himself.
I am was an Inderland Security runner. My job was to track down the bad guys and bring them in. Make sure no day-trippers humans got hurt in the process. I managed to walk away from an I.S. death threat after I left the agency, which is no mean feat. I'm also a white earth witch though my ley line magic isn't half bad, and pretty good at stirring. I managed to get out of a deal with a demon. We'll just ignore the favor I still owe. Also, I'm pretty good at the physical stuff.
I paused. Oh, wait. That sounded...
Like fighting.
Way to proposition an inanimate object, there, Morgan. Just great.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Oh, crap. Now I had to freaking bribe the damn thing? Digging in my pockets with a sigh, I found a buss pass, a wrinkled wad of bills, a few pennies, an ink pen, a couple of charms, my finger stick for invoking them, and my handcuffs. Right, the handcuffs were mine. I listed the rest, along with a few other non-material things.
Buss pass
Thirty-seven dollars and eight cents
Ink pen (black)
Two sleepy-time charms
One disguise amulet
One pain amulet
Finger stick
I can also teach anyone hand-to-hand combat. Or if you have a spell you need stirred, I can try, provided the ingredients are handy.
That would have to do.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ____RM________
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ___RM________.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ____RM_______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _____RM________"