(Dwight Schrute; The Office (US Version))
((Minor spoilers up through the first part of S3. Any links in the application or comments will be spoilerific as well. You have been warned.))
((Approved by Michael- and Jim-muns))A man strode into the Sorting Room, dressed in khakis and a green dress shirt, tie carefully straight, a look of extreme
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Pens! Ah, sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you!
I will vote you for Hufflepuff in exchange for a box of ballpoints and a box of felt-tips. Black, of course.
*on her shoulder, Galahad bleeks in her ear*
- and some deer jerky for the treecat here. Do we have a deal?
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Ahh. I should hit the other guy up for the pens, then? Gotcha. You don't know how weird it is living in a culture without little things you're used to like that.
Excellent! You can send it to Laura, in Hufflepuff. Which is where I'm voting you, of course.
Any thoughts on where I should vote the other guy?
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Wait... Hufflepuff? Attention caught once more by Laura, Dwight turned back. "Laura. And cat...thing. A pleasure. Perhaps you can explain to me exactly what you're voting before I accept it." And where to vote Jim? A very devious smile crossed Dwight's face. "Do you have a house for scheming liars who waste time and like to prank innocent workers? That's where he should go," Dwight jerked his head towards Jim.
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Um. You do know where you are, right? Hogwarts? School of witchraft and wizardry? Scotland? Or are you another zapped in without warning applicant?
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Getting a sudden, shifty look, Dwight glanced around and then leaned forward, lowering his voice. "I was sent here. I'm on a mission." He tapped the side of his nose and gave her a knowing look. "I just am not sure which House would suit me best. That information was not provided in my briefing."
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I see. Need to know basis only, huh? Well, it's like this: Gryffindor equals brave, Ravenclaw equals smart, Slytherin equals cunning and ambitious, Hufflepuff equals useful, loyal and hardworking. You've got lots of useful talents there, so I figured Hufflepuff.
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Well, he'd found his third mission in life. One - the CIA assignment that had brought him here. Two - to be the best assistant ever to Michael Scott. Three - to protect the life and security of this alien creature. To that end, Dwight, glancing about the room and leaning forward surreptitiously, he had to warn them both. "Do you see that guy over there?" Dwight gestured towards Jim. "He is evil. He will lure you into a false sense of security and snatch it back when you least expect it. He..." he hesitated, then lowered his voice, "can move things with his mind."
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Oh. Um. Don't worry. I'm always careful. And they teach us somethin' here to counteract that.
*looks around and spots a scrap of parchment on the floor*
*points wand* Accio parchment!
See? It's not exactly done with my mind, but I can play tug-of-war with the best of 'em.
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Oh, this was so the best CIA assignment ever.
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