Application for Dwight Schrute

[schrute_dwight]

(Dwight Schrute; The Office (US Version))
((Minor spoilers up through the first part of S3. Any links in the application or comments will be spoilerific as well. You have been warned.))

((Approved by Michael- and Jim-muns))A man strode into the Sorting Room, dressed in khakis and a green dress shirt, tie carefully straight, a look of extreme

Comments

[wh0_kill3d_m3]

*squees*

Pens! Ah, sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you!

I will vote you for Hufflepuff in exchange for a box of ballpoints and a box of felt-tips. Black, of course.

*on her shoulder, Galahad bleeks in her ear*

- and some deer jerky for the treecat here. Do we have a deal?

[schrute_dwight]

Oh. This was a problem. Looking embarrassed, Dwight sighed and shot a glare over towards Jim. "I'm afraid I don't have any pens," he muttered painfully. "They were," he cleared his throat, "misplaced. I can, however, give you the deer jerky." Damn you, Jim!

Vote: Hufflepuff

[wh0_kill3d_m3]

*glances over in Jim's direction*

Ahh. I should hit the other guy up for the pens, then? Gotcha. You don't know how weird it is living in a culture without little things you're used to like that.

Excellent! You can send it to Laura, in Hufflepuff. Which is where I'm voting you, of course.

Any thoughts on where I should vote the other guy?

Re: Vote: Hufflepuff

[schrute_dwight]

"Considering the fact that he stole them, yeah," Dwight muttered under his breath, favoring Jim with another glare. "He will rue the day."

Wait... Hufflepuff? Attention caught once more by Laura, Dwight turned back. "Laura. And cat...thing. A pleasure. Perhaps you can explain to me exactly what you're voting before I accept it." And where to vote Jim? A very devious smile crossed Dwight's face. "Do you have a house for scheming liars who waste time and like to prank innocent workers? That's where he should go," Dwight jerked his head towards Jim.

Re: Vote: Hufflepuff

[wh0_kill3d_m3]

The cat-thing's named Galahad, and we're delighted, Dwight. *smiles*

Um. You do know where you are, right? Hogwarts? School of witchraft and wizardry? Scotland? Or are you another zapped in without warning applicant?

Re: Vote: Hufflepuff

[schrute_dwight]

"Galahad. As in the knight?" Dwight nodded once. "One so pure he could sit at the Siege Perilous. An interesting name for a cat, considering cats are one of the most promiscuous creatures in the animal world. A cat in heat can have sex with up to twenty partners in a single night." He stared at Galahad for a moment. "And they don't use protection."

Getting a sudden, shifty look, Dwight glanced around and then leaned forward, lowering his voice. "I was sent here. I'm on a mission." He tapped the side of his nose and gave her a knowing look. "I just am not sure which House would suit me best. That information was not provided in my briefing."

Re: Vote: Hufflepuff

[wh0_kill3d_m3]

Ahh, but that only applies to Earth cats. This one's from outer space, you see. And the Siege Perilous meant Galahad was destined to find the Holy Grail, whereas this guy - *scratches his chin* - he was my Grail. Or I was his, maybe. Odds against us finding each other were astronomical. Literally.

I see. Need to know basis only, huh? Well, it's like this: Gryffindor equals brave, Ravenclaw equals smart, Slytherin equals cunning and ambitious, Hufflepuff equals useful, loyal and hardworking. You've got lots of useful talents there, so I figured Hufflepuff.

Re: Vote: Hufflepuff

[schrute_dwight]

And that had made Dwight Schrute speechless. Blinking, he looked from the cat to Laura to the camera and back again. "From outer space?" he managed after a moment, a look of wondering awe on his face.

Well, he'd found his third mission in life. One - the CIA assignment that had brought him here. Two - to be the best assistant ever to Michael Scott. Three - to protect the life and security of this alien creature. To that end, Dwight, glancing about the room and leaning forward surreptitiously, he had to warn them both. "Do you see that guy over there?" Dwight gestured towards Jim. "He is evil. He will lure you into a false sense of security and snatch it back when you least expect it. He..." he hesitated, then lowered his voice, "can move things with his mind."

Re: Vote: Hufflepuff

[wh0_kill3d_m3]

*slightly taken aback by the intrusion into her personal space*

Oh. Um. Don't worry. I'm always careful. And they teach us somethin' here to counteract that.

*looks around and spots a scrap of parchment on the floor*

*points wand* Accio parchment!

See? It's not exactly done with my mind, but I can play tug-of-war with the best of 'em.

Re: Vote: Hufflepuff

[schrute_dwight]

At this first glimpse of magic, Dwight's jaw literally dropped. "It's like all the fairy tales are true," he breathed.

Oh, this was so the best CIA assignment ever.

Re: Vote: Hufflepuff

[wh0_kill3d_m3]

Yeah, it kinda is. But keep in mind, the original fairy tales were a lot darker than the Disney versions. Same with magic, there's the happy sparkly fun stuff and then there's dark dangerous stuff too. You just gotta be careful, which is where the 'school' part comes in.

Re: Vote: Hufflepuff

[schrute_dwight]

Dwight snorted. "My grandmother never let us hear the white-washed fluffy versions of the fairy tales. In ours, Cinderella's sisters cut off parts of their feet and the little mermaid died in the end. No need to coddle children - they need strict boundaries and discipline."

Re: Vote: Hufflepuff

[wh0_kill3d_m3]

Discipline's good. You're gonna need it here, 'cause the class schedule is kind of loose. There's lots of self-guided independent study. Works out pretty well, actually, though you wouldn't think so.

Re: Vote: Hufflepuff

[schrute_dwight]

"I do excellent with self-motivation. I often work for hours on my own with no supervision. Except I am Assistant Regional Manager, so I am always under supervision. My supervision." He stared. "Catch-22."