Closed RP: Hakkai, Sanzo, Gojyo. Another unhappy birthday. <3

[perverted_kappa]

((Backdated to November 29th. Probably won't contain much wrongness, but will have swearing and possibly some wangst, so plz don't read if that bothers you~.))

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[worldly_monk]

Gojyo's insulting remarks were met with a look of distaste. "Your delusions aren't that amusing, kappa." He looked away and lit another cigarette, muttering "I should have shot you when you started nuzzling my crotch."

The idea that Hakkai felt he owed Sanzo something for celebrating his birthday was a little unsettling, considering what had happened on Hakkai's birthday (and considering Hakkai's idea of 'payback'). "You don't owe me," he said quickly. "Really. And you'd better be joking about that," he replied to Gojyo. "Unless you have a death wish." His glare turned into a frown. What the hell was Gojyo's problem? He seemed genuinely pissed off. Not that Sanzo cared, of course.

"You have some odd ideas about a fun birthday party, but I guess it could have been worse." He took a deep drag on his cigarette, trying to recapture his mellow mood from earlier. He was silent for a long moment, watching as the cigarette smoke drifted towards the ceiling and vanished into the balloons, then he looked down and tapped his ashes into the ashtray. "Thanks," he said quietly, not looking at either of them.

[polite_sinner]

((OoC: Repost. Copying and pasting hates me. *headwall*))

Hakkai frowned at Gojyo, surprised by his angry reaction. He wasn't entirely sure why their usual bantering seemed to bother him so much, but they must have struck some nerve, nonetheless. "I apologize," he said automatically, though he did look as though he truly meant it. "I was only joking, I didn't mean to upset you. I thought you would have realized by now that I do honestly prefer you as you are over you as a rather large cat."

He decided not to respond to the idea of "birthday spankings," other than by offering a sort of awkward chuckle. What actually brought him up short was Sanzo voicing his thanks. Blinking a few times, Hakkai finally smiled pleasantly and shook his head a bit. "Please, don't mention it. After all, we do owe you, at least a little--" for things that seemed to be too obvious to be worth mentioning "--whether you'd like to admit it or not."

[perverted_kappa]

((Argh! Repost to fix another really obvious, stupid typo. -_-))

He looked faintly embarrassed by Hakkai's apology and covered by laughing, privately grateful that it didn't sound as -- not exactly uncomfortable, but a feeling oddly similar to it -- as he felt. "I knew that. Che. I'm more fun to pet in this form, anyway," he said with a wink.

He hadn't meant to act so pissed off, and blamed it on having to be in the company of such an irritating, ungrateful cock-tease of a priest. He barely caught the words 'nuzzling' and 'crotch' in Sanzo's muttering, and for once decided he probably didn't want to know more. He'd ask later.

Similarly surprised by Sanzo actually thanking them, Gojyo stared dumbly at him for several moments. It was all that he could do to not vehemently disagree with Hakkai; after all, he didn't feel as though he owed Sanzo anything. (Part of him likely still resented the fact Sanzo'd taken Gonou away, and that his good-for-nothing fucked up 'gods' couldn't have been arsed to actually help stop the evil of Hyakuganmaou themselves, instead letting a hapless mortal lose his mind and humanity both to do the job for them -- and then they'd punished him.)

...But he understood that Hakkai was weird about debts, always had been for as long as Gojyo'd known him. Maybe it had something to do with being raised by nuns. He figured it was best to keep his complaints to himself.

He leaned closer to Hakkai and stage whispered, "Think we should tell him about Betsy's little secret now?"

[worldly_monk]

"Tch. Whatever." Sanzo didn't bother arguing the point. He already knew he'd never convince Hakkai that there wasn't any debt to be repaid. And as for Gojyo... Sanzo glanced over at him, with a wry twist to his lips. He was pretty sure that Gojyo didn't think they owed Sanzo anything. At least that was one thing he and the kappa could agree on. (And if Gojyo had voiced his thoughts about the gods, Sanzo would have agreed with every one of his complaints, and probably added a few more of his own.)

After Gojyo asked his question, Sanzo eyed them both warily, then looked around for Betsy. "What secret?"

[polite_sinner]

Hakkai's frown was much fainter this time, almost completely unnoticeable. Though Gojyo's vague discomfort wasn't exactly written on his face, Hakkai still had the feeling that there might have been something more to it than he initially thought. He made a mental note to ask him if everything was all right later, when they were back by themselves in the dorm.

For a second, he feigned a contemplative look, as he carefully mulled over Gojyo's question. "Perhaps we should," he said slowly, with affected reluctance. "It would probably put Sanzo in a better mood, knowing that he won't have to take a full-sized milk cow back to his room and raise it."

Hakkai fell silent for a moment (most likely for dramatic effect), tapping his chin thoughtfully. Finally, he lightly shrugged and offered Sanzo a winning smile. "I suppose it would be best if we let you in on the trick, wouldn't it? I'm afraid Betsy isn't quite like other cows, you see. I do hope that doesn't affect how well you'll take care of her, though."

[perverted_kappa]

Following Hakkai's perfectly vague explanation, Gojyo got right to the point. "She's a transfigured stuffed toy. Heh, you got worked up over nothing. You can just pretend she's a boy cow if you're gonna take her to bed and hold her at night," he snickered. He wouldn't be surprised if he one day woke up to a severed plushie cow head sharing his pillow. Poor Betsy.

[worldly_monk]

Sanzo frowned impatiently as Hakkai went on, then glared at Gojyo after his explanation. "I'm not going to sleep with a stuffed toy," he replied sharply, annoyed, but also more relieved that he would admit. That would certainly explain how they managed to get a cow up here.

"If that's true, then I guess I won't have to shoot you two after all." He sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. "I'll believe it when I see it though."

[polite_sinner]

"At the very least," Hakkai replied brightly, with an all too innocent smile, "you should keep her on your desk -- but that's just my own opinion, of course. You didn't think we would really give you a cow to care for, did you?" He didn't add that he just barely trusted Sanzo enough to keep himself well-fed, much less livestock (at least Goku was self-sufficient, to a point).

"Of course, you've always been the type to want physical proof." Hakkai pulled out his wand ((innuendo goes here please)) and went over to the stall, taking a moment to remember the reversal spell. The last thing he wanted to do was to accidentally turn the cow into some sort of possessed plush toy, or a rabid lion, or something else equally unpleasant and difficult to deal with. Sanzo alone was difficult enough for everyone.

Hesitating another second, he finally performed the spell and, much to his relief, managed to turn Betsy back into a doll without any other mishaps. He picked the toy up and brought it back to the bar, placing it on the counter in front of the monk. "Now, I expect you to take good care of her, Sanzo, all right?"

[perverted_kappa]

"Yeah," he agreed, his smile the very opposite of Hakkai's, "the desk's as good as your bed. You don't want poor Betsy to feel unloved, do you?" The innuendo was only too obvious, at least if Sanzo happened to remember their drunken discussion about his desk.

That'd be the most action Sanzo's furniture was likely see, he privately added. And he wasn't still sulking. Really.

He turned to watch Hakkai return Betsy to her original form and took the plushie when it was set on the bar. After fixing the now miniaturised bow, Gojyo gently stroked Sanzo's face with the toy, making it look like the cow was nuzzling him. "Aww, we won't think less of you if you decide to sleep with her after all." He could scarcely keep a straight face as he dropped Betsy into Sanzo's lap.

[worldly_monk]

Sanzo was fairly impressed when Hakkai managed to turn Betsy back into a toy, but he wasn't really surprised. Give him a few more months and Hakkai would probably be able to teach a class at Hogwarts.

He turned his head slightly when Gojyo pushed the cow into his face, then glared down at it when it landed in his lap. He picked it up by one ear and set it back on the bar. "Idiots. Fine. I'll take it back to my room." He'd shove it into the wardrobe. They'd never know. Although the toy was kind of cute.