Closed RP: Hakkai, Sanzo, Gojyo. Another unhappy birthday. <3

[perverted_kappa]

((Backdated to November 29th. Probably won't contain much wrongness, but will have swearing and possibly some wangst, so plz don't read if that bothers you~.))

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[perverted_kappa]

Gojyo had been the one to suggest a cake in the first place, and he was regretting doing that much for Sanzo. Not that he expected Sanzo to even pretend to be grateful, at least not to him, but the complete bastard act was getting old. And talking as if he wasn't sitting right there was always a sure way to annoy Gojyo.

He took a plate and nearly missed what Hakkai had inadvertently implied, distracted as he was with his irritation. "Heh. You don't have to worry about any mix-ups." He gave Sanzo a look before turning away, and started eating his cake. It was pretty good, and he was glad Hakkai'd been willing to do all most the work. The cake he and Sanzo had baked hadn't turned out quite as well, not surprisingly.

"Hey, this is my cake too, isn't it? Since I didn't get one. Bastards," he teased. He wouldn't have wanted a cake on his birthday anyway, but he didn't bother mentioning that. And next year, hopefully, he wouldn't receive any love bites from a vampire shortly before his birthday, so that he could actually enjoy the next one. Preferably with a beautiful woman... or two. His irritation was temporarily forgotten as he fantasised about it.

[worldly_monk]

Sanzo was feeling surprisingly mellow. He'd had just enough to drink to put everything into soft focus, including his memories. The only other times he remembered celebrating his birthday had been with Koumyou Sanzo. The monks at Kinzan hadn't known or cared what day Koumyou had chosen for his birthday. Koumyou had always remembered.

Lost in thought, he completely missed the discussion about mixed up sweaters and Gojyo's look. He finished up his slice of cake, and looked up when Hakkai mentioned future birthdays. "Next year it might be safer if you bake your own birthday cake too. I wasn't any better at baking than Gojyo was," Sanzo admitted. "I suspect the house-elves were responsible for it ending up resembling a cake instead of a brick."

Sanzo looked a little surprised when Gojyo mentioned not getting a cake. "I guess we did skip the cake, since you weren't feeling well on your birthday. Do you want us to put the candles back on and light them again? We wouldn't want you to miss out on any birthday traditions," he added, with a slight smile. If he had to play along with the birthday games, then Gojyo should too.

[polite_sinner]

"Oh, you ought to give yourselves more credit," Hakkai said, waving it off with a vague and what was likely supposed to be a reassuring gesture. "The cake the two of you baked was rather good, and I'm sure there was no magical intervention required to make it that way." Even Hakkai might have been a little dubious about that idea, but if so, he wasn't ever going to say as much.

"At the time, I didn't think something so lacking in nutritional value would have been conducive to someone recovering from massive blood loss," he explained. For a split second, Hakkai looked a little guilty, as though he was about to apologize again for what happened on Halloween. He wasn't sure if that would have simply earned him a few impatient sighs, though, so he held off on it. Instead, he smiled and nodded in agreement with Sanzo's idea. "We could relight the candles, if you'd like, Gojyo. Or I could just make something for you later, even."

[perverted_kappa]

((Repost to fix a typo.))

"I didn't let those creepy fuckers anywhere near Hakkai's cake, except to send it to the tavern," Gojyo clarified, scowling down at his empty mug. There was something seriously wrong with an entire species that apparently lived only to be slaves, and enjoyed it. He didn't doubt that Sanzo felt perfectly at home at Hogwarts for that very reason.

"Only one wish per cake. Them's the rules." He caught Hakkai's look, and waved off his offer. "Don't worry about it."

Reminded of the events of Halloween, Gojyo took a few moments to think back over the other various magic-fueled disasters that had happened since he'd arrived; one always stood out in his mind. He slowly smiled. "You know, I'd take bleeding to death over having to be in love with that idiot," he gestured toward Sanzo with his cigarette, "any day of the week. Worst experience of my life." The scars on his face were proof enough that it was a blatant lie, but sometimes it was nice pretending that the distant past no longer affected him.

[worldly_monk]

Sanzo just smirked at Gojyo. "What a coincidence. I'd rather have you bleed to death than be in love with me too." Then he gave a small laugh. "Although, the part where you turned into a tiger was kind of cute. Maybe we should have left you that way?" He was pretty sure it couldn't really have been the worst experience of Gojyo's life, but he wasn't going to pursue it.

It did make him wonder what Gojyo's 'worst experience' really was. Was it the story Gojyo had told him the night they got drunk? Or could there be something even worse in Gojyo's past? Sanzo's own worst moment wouldn't be hard to guess. He suspected Hakkai's wouldn't be either. He shook his head, annoyed with the depressing turn of his thoughts.

He leaned back in his chair and stretched, raising his arms over his head. "Okay, we've done the cake, you got me to sing fucking karaoke, and I'm the proud owner of a cow," he said, with exaggerated annoyance. "Anything else you're planning to do to me on my birthday to entertain yourselves?"

[polite_sinner]

"I would have to disagree with the two of you, unfortunately." Hakkai shrugged his shoulders, continuing in a pleasant, casual tone, "Blood is such a difficult thing to clean away, really. I'm not sure if I would ever forgive either of you if you left me to deal with a mess like that." He paused for a second and smiled mildly, sharing an amused look with Sanzo. "Gojyo was quite affectionate while he was a tiger, wasn't he? Perhaps we really did act too soon to reverse the spell."

Hakkai chuckled a little before he said, "Don't put it that way! The two of us just wanted you to try and have a little fun, and we do owe you something, at least, for celebrating our own birthdays with us, don't we?" His words might have been clipped in that last bit, but only just barely. "Ah, now, did we have anything else planned, Gojyo?"

[perverted_kappa]

Sanzo calling Gojyo-as-a-tiger 'cute' was a bit off-putting. Gojyo glowered at him. "We knew all about your paedophiliac tendencies, but it hadn't occurred to me that you'd be into animals too. Well, I guess it makes sense..." He fully expected a visit from the paper fan after that remark.

When Hakkai voiced his agreement with Sanzo, Gojyo raised an eyebrow and didn't look any happier. "So why don't you assholes turn me back. Maybe I'll eat you both this time. Then you won't have to worry about cleaning up any blood."

He rolled his eyes and made a mental note to get much drunker the next time the three of them celebrated anything together. "Yeah, the birthday spanking, remember? Should I go get the 'special paddle' now? You can have the first whack at 'im."

[worldly_monk]

Gojyo's insulting remarks were met with a look of distaste. "Your delusions aren't that amusing, kappa." He looked away and lit another cigarette, muttering "I should have shot you when you started nuzzling my crotch."

The idea that Hakkai felt he owed Sanzo something for celebrating his birthday was a little unsettling, considering what had happened on Hakkai's birthday (and considering Hakkai's idea of 'payback'). "You don't owe me," he said quickly. "Really. And you'd better be joking about that," he replied to Gojyo. "Unless you have a death wish." His glare turned into a frown. What the hell was Gojyo's problem? He seemed genuinely pissed off. Not that Sanzo cared, of course.

"You have some odd ideas about a fun birthday party, but I guess it could have been worse." He took a deep drag on his cigarette, trying to recapture his mellow mood from earlier. He was silent for a long moment, watching as the cigarette smoke drifted towards the ceiling and vanished into the balloons, then he looked down and tapped his ashes into the ashtray. "Thanks," he said quietly, not looking at either of them.

[polite_sinner]

((OoC: Repost. Copying and pasting hates me. *headwall*))

Hakkai frowned at Gojyo, surprised by his angry reaction. He wasn't entirely sure why their usual bantering seemed to bother him so much, but they must have struck some nerve, nonetheless. "I apologize," he said automatically, though he did look as though he truly meant it. "I was only joking, I didn't mean to upset you. I thought you would have realized by now that I do honestly prefer you as you are over you as a rather large cat."

He decided not to respond to the idea of "birthday spankings," other than by offering a sort of awkward chuckle. What actually brought him up short was Sanzo voicing his thanks. Blinking a few times, Hakkai finally smiled pleasantly and shook his head a bit. "Please, don't mention it. After all, we do owe you, at least a little--" for things that seemed to be too obvious to be worth mentioning "--whether you'd like to admit it or not."

[perverted_kappa]

((Argh! Repost to fix another really obvious, stupid typo. -_-))

He looked faintly embarrassed by Hakkai's apology and covered by laughing, privately grateful that it didn't sound as -- not exactly uncomfortable, but a feeling oddly similar to it -- as he felt. "I knew that. Che. I'm more fun to pet in this form, anyway," he said with a wink.

He hadn't meant to act so pissed off, and blamed it on having to be in the company of such an irritating, ungrateful cock-tease of a priest. He barely caught the words 'nuzzling' and 'crotch' in Sanzo's muttering, and for once decided he probably didn't want to know more. He'd ask later.

Similarly surprised by Sanzo actually thanking them, Gojyo stared dumbly at him for several moments. It was all that he could do to not vehemently disagree with Hakkai; after all, he didn't feel as though he owed Sanzo anything. (Part of him likely still resented the fact Sanzo'd taken Gonou away, and that his good-for-nothing fucked up 'gods' couldn't have been arsed to actually help stop the evil of Hyakuganmaou themselves, instead letting a hapless mortal lose his mind and humanity both to do the job for them -- and then they'd punished him.)

...But he understood that Hakkai was weird about debts, always had been for as long as Gojyo'd known him. Maybe it had something to do with being raised by nuns. He figured it was best to keep his complaints to himself.

He leaned closer to Hakkai and stage whispered, "Think we should tell him about Betsy's little secret now?"

[worldly_monk]

"Tch. Whatever." Sanzo didn't bother arguing the point. He already knew he'd never convince Hakkai that there wasn't any debt to be repaid. And as for Gojyo... Sanzo glanced over at him, with a wry twist to his lips. He was pretty sure that Gojyo didn't think they owed Sanzo anything. At least that was one thing he and the kappa could agree on. (And if Gojyo had voiced his thoughts about the gods, Sanzo would have agreed with every one of his complaints, and probably added a few more of his own.)

After Gojyo asked his question, Sanzo eyed them both warily, then looked around for Betsy. "What secret?"

[polite_sinner]

Hakkai's frown was much fainter this time, almost completely unnoticeable. Though Gojyo's vague discomfort wasn't exactly written on his face, Hakkai still had the feeling that there might have been something more to it than he initially thought. He made a mental note to ask him if everything was all right later, when they were back by themselves in the dorm.

For a second, he feigned a contemplative look, as he carefully mulled over Gojyo's question. "Perhaps we should," he said slowly, with affected reluctance. "It would probably put Sanzo in a better mood, knowing that he won't have to take a full-sized milk cow back to his room and raise it."

Hakkai fell silent for a moment (most likely for dramatic effect), tapping his chin thoughtfully. Finally, he lightly shrugged and offered Sanzo a winning smile. "I suppose it would be best if we let you in on the trick, wouldn't it? I'm afraid Betsy isn't quite like other cows, you see. I do hope that doesn't affect how well you'll take care of her, though."

[perverted_kappa]

Following Hakkai's perfectly vague explanation, Gojyo got right to the point. "She's a transfigured stuffed toy. Heh, you got worked up over nothing. You can just pretend she's a boy cow if you're gonna take her to bed and hold her at night," he snickered. He wouldn't be surprised if he one day woke up to a severed plushie cow head sharing his pillow. Poor Betsy.

[worldly_monk]

Sanzo frowned impatiently as Hakkai went on, then glared at Gojyo after his explanation. "I'm not going to sleep with a stuffed toy," he replied sharply, annoyed, but also more relieved that he would admit. That would certainly explain how they managed to get a cow up here.

"If that's true, then I guess I won't have to shoot you two after all." He sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. "I'll believe it when I see it though."

[polite_sinner]

"At the very least," Hakkai replied brightly, with an all too innocent smile, "you should keep her on your desk -- but that's just my own opinion, of course. You didn't think we would really give you a cow to care for, did you?" He didn't add that he just barely trusted Sanzo enough to keep himself well-fed, much less livestock (at least Goku was self-sufficient, to a point).

"Of course, you've always been the type to want physical proof." Hakkai pulled out his wand ((innuendo goes here please)) and went over to the stall, taking a moment to remember the reversal spell. The last thing he wanted to do was to accidentally turn the cow into some sort of possessed plush toy, or a rabid lion, or something else equally unpleasant and difficult to deal with. Sanzo alone was difficult enough for everyone.

Hesitating another second, he finally performed the spell and, much to his relief, managed to turn Betsy back into a doll without any other mishaps. He picked the toy up and brought it back to the bar, placing it on the counter in front of the monk. "Now, I expect you to take good care of her, Sanzo, all right?"

[perverted_kappa]

"Yeah," he agreed, his smile the very opposite of Hakkai's, "the desk's as good as your bed. You don't want poor Betsy to feel unloved, do you?" The innuendo was only too obvious, at least if Sanzo happened to remember their drunken discussion about his desk.

That'd be the most action Sanzo's furniture was likely see, he privately added. And he wasn't still sulking. Really.

He turned to watch Hakkai return Betsy to her original form and took the plushie when it was set on the bar. After fixing the now miniaturised bow, Gojyo gently stroked Sanzo's face with the toy, making it look like the cow was nuzzling him. "Aww, we won't think less of you if you decide to sleep with her after all." He could scarcely keep a straight face as he dropped Betsy into Sanzo's lap.