Closed RP: Hakkai, Sanzo, Gojyo. Another unhappy birthday. <3

[perverted_kappa]

((Backdated to November 29th. Probably won't contain much wrongness, but will have swearing and possibly some wangst, so plz don't read if that bothers you~.))

Comments

[polite_sinner]

"Now, now, turtles are a sign of longevity and good fortune, aren't they?" Hakkai said mildly, nodding to Gojyo as he left. "And besides, isn't there a Buddhist tradition involving the release of turtles into the wild? It would be relatively convenient for you, then, one would think! You wouldn't have to find or purchase the poor things yourself, in that case."

Hakkai arched an eyebrow as Sanzo flipped the book open, skimming the passage briefly but not commenting on it aloud. "Oh, of course, we're not going to force you to do something if you have no desire to do it! We're not so heartless, after all. Most of the time." He smiled winningly, before answering Sanzo's last question with a brief gesture. "Some place," he replied vaguely, laughing a little. He was rather proud of his handiwork (he managed to transfigure the doll in one try, without turning the toy into something unfortunate, like a tentacle monster or something equally horrible), but he wasn't about to show-off. At least, not yet -- but when he did, it would never be outright. "I'm afraid I'm no good with naming things, either. Ah, I would suggest you name her 'Bessie,' but that name is so cliched for cows, don't you think?"

[perverted_kappa]

The book had been pre-wrapped by a house-elf, so all that was left for Gojyo to do was to set it on Sanzo's pillow where it'd be hard to miss once the monk returned to his room. Several of the pages with rather interesting positions had been bookmarked in advance, primarily as a joke, as he sincerely doubted Sanzo was ever going to finish what they'd started. When nothing came of their last exchange, Gojyo had decided that it was for the best, since becoming involved with someone he'd have to see again afterward wasn't really his thing, anyway.

Guys weren't his thing either, he had to remember. Nor was attempting to seduce someone over a period of months -- hours, sure; days, maybe; definitely not months. When he thought of it that way, the only explanation for why he'd wasted so much time and energy on Sanzo was because there wasn't anyonething else to do at the school, really. Even if he was interested in learning magic, which he wasn't, there'd been all of maybe three classes held since he'd arrived. And he was convinced Ravenclaw was the House for lesbians. That could be the only reason why women weren't lining up to sleep with him, surely.

He quickly lit a cigarette before walking back into the Room of Requirement and took a seat at the bar again, slouching comfortably with his elbows resting on the bartop. He paid no mind to the open book. "So what're we gonna call your new pet?" he asked, finishing off his beer between drags on his cigarette. He glanced from Hakkai to Sanzo, smirking. "Let me guess. 'Stupid Cow'? Heh, you'd better make sure your stupid monkey doesn't eat her. Maybe he can learn to milk her for you."

[worldly_monk]

"You want to give me turtles just so I can release them?" Somewhere along the line, the conversation had gone surreal, and Sanzo wasn't sure when that had happened. Gojyo and Hakkai were apparently fixated on giving him animals. He took a quick look at the bottle Hakkai had poured for him, but it wasn't that Galactic-whatsit shit, so he wasn't drunk. Yet.

He glanced at Gojyo when he sat back down, then looked over at the cow again and shrugged. "'Stupid Cow' works for me. Hakkai would probably name her 'Brown Cow', and you would probably give her some girl's name," Sanzo replied. "Since you're both so concerned about my diet, did you bring anything for people to eat?" He wasn't sure when he had eaten last. Coffee for breakfast probably.

[polite_sinner]

Giving a sort of resigned shrug, Hakkai refilled Gojyo's mug when he noticed it was empty. "Well, it would be more for temporary companionship, more like -- but it's simply a suggestion, of course. I might just be testing the waters for gift ideas for next year, even. I suppose you'd appreciate gifts of a more practical nature, though, wouldn't you? How difficult!" He paused before picking up a small box from behind the bar, wrapped neatly in green paper (the same kind he had used for Gojyo's gift a few weeks before), containing a cigarette lighter; he placed it on the bartop in front of the monk. "Well, happy birthday, then, Sanzo. I hope you find use for that, though not too often."

Hakkai laughed a little abashedly. "Oh? Now, 'Brown Cow.' It's a simple enough name, I think, and it has the added bonus of being easy to remember," he replied, only half joking. "And 'Stupid Cow' is a little degrading to her, don't you think?" He blinked when Sanzo asked about something to eat and looked around for a second. "My, it seems we don't have anything particularly sustaining. Would you two like for me to go fix something for us?"

[perverted_kappa]

"And what's wrong with a girl's name? She is a girl cow, you know. Unless you really can't tell the difference between a cow and a bull. It's easy -- one has four udders, the other has gigantic..." Gojyo smiled as Hakkai refilled his mug, and raised it in a mock-toast before taking a sip. "Well, just think of that flying spaghetti monster," he snickered. "Betsy wouldn't be a bad name. Betsy the Brown Cow."

The birthday cake was for later, preferably when Sanzo was a bit closer to drunk and wouldn't stubbornly resist making a wish and blowing out his candles, as was the usual birthday tradition around the school, Gojyo had found out. And so he didn't mention the cake. "As long as you don't cover it with mayonnaise." He had to almost literally bite his tongue to keep from making a lewd comment about why Sanzo must like mayonnaise. "I could go for some food, too. I had to skip breakfast and lunch to decorate a room for an ungrateful bastard."

[worldly_monk]

Sanzo picked up the package and unwrapped it. He was surprised to find a lighter inside, and a really nice one at that. It was a thoughtful gift, considering Hakkai was usually so critical of their smoking. He gave Hakkai a small but honest smile. "Thanks. I'll try not to use it too much." Too much by his own standards of course, not Hakkai's. He got out a cigarette and used the new lighter. "Very nice."

Sanzo ignored Gojyo's comment about not being able to tell a cow from a bull. "Fine. She's Betsy the Brown Cow. Happy now? And I don't recall asking you to decorate a room for me, so why should I be grateful?" He flicked ash into the ashtray and finished the last of his drink. "Food would be great. Thanks Hakkai."

[polite_sinner]

Hakkai gave Sanzo a short, relieved nod in return. "I'm happy you approve of the present. To be honest, I was a bit afraid you wouldn't." Gojyo's remark about the flying spaghetti monster was answered by a patient glance and smile to match. "I think Betsy is a pretty name," he said pleasantly, side-stepping any relatively obscene topics of conversation with something like practiced ease.

"All right, excuse me while I go to the kitchen, then. Hopefully the house-elves won't be too bothered while I'm there, ah ha ha." He walked out from behind the bar, and before finally ducking out, he paused for a moment at the door to suggest, "Gojyo, perhaps you should help Sanzo and Betsy get re-acquainted with one another, now that she's received an official name?"

[perverted_kappa]

When he saw what Hakkai had given Sanzo, Gojyo chuckled quietly to himself, enjoying a private joke. Great minds think alike -- excluding Betsy the Brown Cow, he and Hakkai had both chosen gifts that encouraged vices. What better way to get someone back for calling them 'soiled goods'* than to assist him in becoming as unclean as they were?

Maybe he'd have to tell Hakkai about the book later.

"You heard him. You're gonna make nice with your new pet." Without waiting for a response, he got up and went to let the cow out, who seemed reluctant to leave her stall. After a bit of tugging on the collar, she finally complied and allowed Gojyo to lead her back to where Sanzo was sitting. "She's a sweet cow, once you get to know her," he said as he adjusted the party hat still hooked on the cow's horns. "Isn't that right, Betsy?" The only response he received was a vaguely annoyed look and a tail swish.

Gojyo stubbed out what was left of his cigarette in the ashtray and produced another, helping himself to Sanzo's new lighter. It eventually occurred to him that without Hakkai there, they were very much alone. For the first time in... Well, it wasn't like he cared enough to keep track, or anything. Leaning against the bar, he tossed the lighter back to Sanzo with a smirk. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you've been avoiding me." He looked away, exhaling smoke toward the ceiling. "So is it 'some other time' yet?"

((*or "dirt rags", depending on which translation you go by.))

[worldly_monk]

He hadn't even had the lighter for ten minutes, and Gojyo was already stealing it. Sanzo was about to make a smart remark about that when he heard Gojyo's question. It took him a moment to realize what Gojyo was asking about, and when he did, he stared at Gojyo in surprise. After Hakkai's birthday, Sanzo had half expected Gojyo to show up in his room to confront him about finishing what they'd so unwisely started that night in the inn bed. Sanzo had meant what he'd said at the time, but by the next day he'd been kicking himself over his behavior. Hakkai really hadn't deserved that.

He'd started avoiding Gojyo without even realizing it. He hadn't been able to sort out what he wanted, so it was just easier to avoid the situation. But as the weeks passed, and Gojyo never once mentioned it, Sanzo had eventually assumed that Gojyo had either decided to forget about it, or hadn't even remembered it in the first place.

Apparently he'd been wrong. There were so many ways Sanzo could have answered, but what came out was "Hakkai could be back any minute." He could hear the regret in his voice and knew Gojyo would probably pick up on it too. Damn. He quickly looked away, avoiding Gojyo's eyes, and focused on crushing out his cigarette.

"Besides, we're not really alone with Betsy here," he added, covering his uncertainty with his usual sarcasm. Betsy had wandered over, but didn't seem to be interested in eating his shirt yet. "And since when are you an expert on cows? I would never have expected you to be a farm boy."

[perverted_kappa]

He'd expected sarcasm and excuses, and wasn't disappointed. It was Sanzo's loss if he didn't jump at the chance; it wasn't as if Gojyo could make the invitation any clearer, now could he, and he'd already extended it in one form or another -- while sober, no less -- more times than he cared to count. It was a stupid game, anyway. Or so he told himself.

Back to avoidance, then.

Mentioning it was hopefully enough to establish the right mindset for Sanzo to be in before finding the book on his bed, as Gojyo had no desire to be shot over what was essentially his version of a thoughtful gift. Sure, he also meant it as a bit of a joke, but he wasn't mocking Sanzo. Much.

"Che. Doesn't take an expert to tell a bull from a cow." He gave Sanzo a sidelong glance, his smirk returning. The 'farm boy' comment reminded him that Sanzo didn't know much about him, aside from the abridged story of what had happened with his mother and Jien, and as far as he was concerned, it could stay that way. "But I know the ladies. Even ladies of another species," he said and chuckled, pushing off the bar and kneeling down to pat the cow's neck and adjust the unraveling bow.

[worldly_monk]

Damn Gojyo for putting the idea in his head again. It still wasn't the time or place for that. Maybe it never would be. Maybe that was for the best. Didn't stop him from thinking about what he would have wanted to do if it had been. What he still wanted to do, with Gojyo.

Sanzo tried to rein in his thoughts while he watched the kappa re-tie the cow's bow. "Tch. I was going to ask if you knew how to milk a cow, but after that comment, I'm not sure I want to know." Sanzo realized he was staring at Gojyo's hands, and distracted himself by reaching for the bottle and filling up his glass again.

[perverted_kappa]

He could have easily twisted Sanzo's words in a dozen different ways and thrown in some crude innuendo to piss him off, but it didn't seem worth the effort. It might have had something to do with being turned down yet again, not that Gojyo'd ever admit to being affected one way or the other by it.

So instead, he mumbled something about Sanzo's filthy mind and finished fixing the bow, then returned to his seat at the bar. When his elbow bumped into something, he glanced down and finally noticed the open book with an illustration of a kappa on one page. Curious now, he pulled the book closer and quickly skimmed a few paragraphs. "Ah, what dirty fantasies you have," Gojyo snickered, looking at Sanzo as he reached for his own beer. "Through the ass, huh? I ne~ver woulda guessed you'd be into that."

[worldly_monk]

Sanzo just smirked back at him. "Not my fantasies. I didn't write the book. I was just going to ask if it's true that male kappas have to sit on the nest and hatch the eggs." He took a sip of his drink. "It also says that kappas might be related to monkeys. Maybe you and Goku are cousins?"

He felt a tug on his shirt, and turned around to find Betsy nibbling on it. He sighed and shoved her away again. "Actually, I think the author is full of shit. I've only read a few of the sections, and there are errors all over it. He probably hasn't even been to China or Japan."

[perverted_kappa]

"But you're reading it," he pointed out, rolling his eyes. "Why the sudden fascination with water demons?" He took a drink and set his mug down, focussing on a far wall instead of looking at Sanzo. "The author probably comes from a different time and world than we do. I'm not surprised you wouldn't have considered that. You just like to bitch." He paused long enough for a drag on his cigarette. "I don't think anyone else in the school comes from the same world we do, either. If we were to go to this world's China... It might not even be the right one."

He glanced at Sanzo. "There's a lot of weird shit here. Time doesn't work the way it's supposed to. Have you tried to go home yet?"

[worldly_monk]

"I saw the book in the library, and I was curious what these wizards had to say about China. I noticed there was a section about kappas, So I read it." Sanzo explained, with some exasperation. "Some of it was amusing. That's all." He gave Gojyo an annoyed look, but he was also thinking about Gojyo's question.

"Weird shit is an understatement." He frowned, trying to remember what he had heard around the school. "I'm fairly sure people do go home, but I haven't tried. Have you?"

[polite_sinner]

Going from the seventh floor all the way down to the kitchens probably wasn't the brightest idea Hakkai had had recently -- which was why on the sixth floor, he stopped a house-elf and, along with a string of apologies and I-don't-mean-to-bother-yous, asked him if he would be kind enough to get something to eat for himself and his companions? ("Nothing too troublesome," he added. "Just a few sandwiches, perhaps? And a pot of coffee would be nice, as well, if you can manage it.")

Some time later, Hakkai shouldered the door open, carrying a tray with a plate full of various kinds of sandwiches, a pot of coffee, and three mugs. He noted with some relief that Gojyo and Sanzo them seemed to be having a civil conversation, and that the cow hadn't been riddled with bullets while he was gone. (He also wondered if a wounded, transfigured cow doll would bleed blood or plush.) "I apologize for making you wait," he said, carefully depositing the tray on the bar. He started pouring the coffee and offering them a bright smile. "The house-elves made us a bit more than I expected they would, I'm afraid. Ah, so I take it you two behaved while I was away? My, you both must be growing up."