Closed RP: Hakkai, Sanzo, Gojyo. Another unhappy birthday. <3

[perverted_kappa]

((Backdated to November 29th. Probably won't contain much wrongness, but will have swearing and possibly some wangst, so plz don't read if that bothers you~.))

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[polite_sinner]

Unfortunately for Sanzo, Hakkai wasn't actually that nice, all bright smiles and cheerful politness aside.

Hakkai had left the decorating to Gojyo, which, if he were honest, he probably would have admitted was the easiest part about this entire thing. The most difficult aspect of throwing a birthday party for Sanzo would probably be getting Sanzo to actually participate in it -- and given their current and extremely awkward track record with birthdays, this would be difficult indeed. At least Gojyo's birthday party had been considerably closer to the mark than Hakkai's; perhaps that meant they were getting better about these things?

It wasn't too difficult for Hakkai to track the priest down to the empty classroom. (If asked, he would have stated that he was following the aura of annoyance and ill-temper, though it was more likely that he was following the scent of Sanzo's particular brand of cigarettes.) He entered quietly and walked over to the desk, glancing at the book and smiling teasingly. "Correct me if I've remembered wrong, but didn't you say that you didn't want to study magic on your birthday, Sanzo?"

[worldly_monk]

Sanzo glanced over when he heard Hakkai's voice, not surprised that Hakkai had found him. "I'm not. Not exactly. This one is just for entertainment value." He picked up the book, and held it so Hakkai could see the cover: Magical Creatures of China and Japan. "Most of the information is just plain wrong. The author seems to think that all 'youkai' are monstrous creatures that eat children." He set the book back down and closed it, not bothering to mark his place. "There is a whole section about kappas however, including a chapter about their mating practices," he said, with a smirk.

He put out his cigarette in the ashtray he'd brought with him, and looked up at Hakkai again. "Were you looking for me? Or just wandering the halls?"

[polite_sinner]

The kappa joke, of course, hadn't been lost on him, and he laughed conspirationally. With a questioning look first, silently asking for permission, he picked up the book and turned the pages idly. "I don't suppose this text has a section in regards to tracking down elusive Sanzo priests, seeking to avoid celebrating their birthdays, does it? I think that would be quite handy for future reference."

He placed the book back down, clasping his hands behind his back. "Would you believe me if I said 'just wandering the halls'?" He waited a beat before shaking his head. "Ah, no, I suppose you wouldn't. Well, more accurately then, I was wandering the halls looking for you. Ah ha ha, I suppose I should just get straight to the point, shouldn't I? You and Gojyo both appreciate a more direct approach, after all. . .

"Now, as I'm sure you're probably already aware, since you've attempted to hide yourself in this classroom, it's your birthday. And I'm sure you're also aware that, ostensibly, it's your decision as to whether or not you would like to celebrate it." His smile widened a little, almost apologetically. "Actually, that second part is what I would be saying if these were normal circumstances, but unfortunately, a 'normal circumstance' is only very rarely the case with us. Ah, to get back to my point, what I'm not sure about is if you'll feel like cooperating, or if you'll feel like being stubborn?"

[worldly_monk]

"I don't think Sanzo priests qualify as magical creatures," he replied, with only a hint of sarcasm. Sanzo watched Hakkai dance around the subject of his birthday with a look on his face that could possibly be described as 'fond annoyance'.

"I wasn't hiding," he protested, when Hakkai finally wound down. It wasn't considered hiding if you knew you'd eventually be found anyway, right? Sanzo sighed, then asked, "Two questions. How much am I going to hate it, and is there alcohol involved?"

Without really waiting for Hakkai's answer, he got up from the desk and collected the book. "You can tell me on the way to wherever we're going." He gestured for Hakkai to lead the way, resigned to his fate.

[polite_sinner]

He was relieved when Sanzo decided to go the less headache-inducing route, and he walked back out into the hallway. "Hate is such a strong term, don't you think?" he said lightly as he led the way up several flights of stairs. What Hakkai neglected to say was that he was pretty sure that the priest was, at the very least, probably going to dislike the set-up they had planned a great deal. "As to the second question -- ah, I believe there is, though personally, I'm hoping not very much of it will be utilized."

When they reached the seventh floor, Hakkai paused. Turning back to face Sanzo, he smiled his brightest smile and asked, "Would it be too much if I asked you to simply play along and close your eyes? This ought to be a surprise, after all!"

[worldly_monk]

Given their history with birthdays and alcohol, maybe Hakkai had a point. Still, there was no way he was going through with this (whatever 'this' turned out to be) sober, so it was a good thing there was going to be at least some alcohol. He had a feeling he was going to need a drink.

Sanzo met Hakkai's smile with a raised eyebrow. "Yeah, it's too much," he answered calmly. It wasn't that he didn't trust Hakkai, he simply didn't trust the world in general. Paranoia was a hard habit to break. "I can be surprised with my eyes open."

[polite_sinner]

Hakkai laughed, feeling no need to press the matter any further. He supposed it was good enough for him that Sanzo had deigned to offer a direct answer, rather than a derisive "Tch" and a pointed glare. "I expected it would be," he said easily, shrugging in mock defeat. "Oh well, I thought it would be worth a try, anyway."

Smiling to Sanzo once more, he knocked on the door as a sort of late warning that they were about to enter. He finally pushed it open, moving aside so that Sanzo could enter (and preparing himself to catch the monk's arm if he suddenly felt the overwhemling need to flee).

[perverted_kappa]

By the time Hakkai and Sanzo arrived, confetti-filled balloons crowded the ceiling, a ridiculous amount of streamers and banners were hung throughout the stable, and a cake with twenty-something unlit candles in it was behind the bar and out of sight for the time being. All in all, excluding the booze, it looked like the sort of birthday party every seven-year-old kid dreams of, not something that would really be appreciated by a pissy monk who'd likely never dreamt as normal children did even when he'd been one himself.

And that was his own problem. Sanzo could damn well suck it up and enjoy the party, or risk getting hung from the rafters by one of the streamers. (Whether the streamer-turned-noose would be around his neck or around his ankle would depend entirely upon who did the hanging.)

Gojyo, seated at the bar, turned and saluted them with his half-empty beer mug when they came through the stable doors. "Took long enough. I was beginning to wonder if you guys were lost." As if on cue, there came a loud mooing sound from one of the stalls, and Gojyo grinned.

[worldly_monk]

Sanzo took two steps through the doorway and stopped in his tracks. "What the fuck..." His eyes widened as he took in the decorations and the general setup of the room. It looked a little like a barn. With a bar. Which made absolutely no sense. His eyes closed, and one hand came up to cover his eyes. Unfortunately, when he opened his eyes again, it was all exactly the same.

At least there was a bar. He needed to focus on the positive... what the hell? "Was that a cow?" he asked incredulously. His eyes narrowed, and he fought back the urge to wipe the stupid grin off Gojyo's face.

[polite_sinner]

"I apologize for the delay, Gojyo. It took me a little longer to find the birthday boy than I initially predicted, I'm afraid." He smiled pleasantly as he shut the door behind him, effectively standing between Sanzo and escape. "I hope you aren't too terribly bothered by it?"

He chuckled when Sanzo asked about the plush-toy-turned-real-thing. "Got it in one," he replied cheerfully, clapping his hands together as though congratulating him. "Gojyo and I thought you'd like a new pet to keep you company while you're doing research in your room. I take it you're surprised then? I suppose you didn't have to close your eyes, after all!" (His words might as well have been surrounded with miniature floating hearts.)

[perverted_kappa]

Gojyo'd almost been hoping they might take a little longer than they had, since that would have given him the opportunity to have a few more drinks in peace. But he said nothing of it, instead offering an overly cheerful, "Happy birthday, Sanzo!"

He reached behind the bar and produced a couple gaudy party hats, sauntered over and put one on Sanzo before he could protest, handed Hakkai the other, then went to the cow's stall. "I think she's excited to meet her new owner," Gojyo said with a chuckle, opening the stall door and leading the cow out. "Y'see, we're concerned about your health, too. We're thoughtful like that. You need more milk and broccoli and shit like that in your diet. Now all you gotta do is learn how to milk her!"

The cow idly swished her tail and gave them all a bored look before returning her attention to the ground, apparently hoping to find something to graze on.

[worldly_monk]

Sanzo's left eye had developed a twitch. He pulled the hat off and glared at them both, then glared at the cow that Gojyo was leading over. "You got me a cow," he commented, in a deadly calm voice. "A cow." He continued to glare at the cow, party hat slowly crumpling in his hand.

After a moment, he closed his eyes and heaved a sigh. If there was one thing he had learned from Goku, it was that sometimes you just had to bow to the absurd. Opening his eyes again, he gave a short laugh. "I'm touched by your concern," he said dryly. "But I'm not keeping that in my room." He'd spent enough time sleeping in barns in the four or so years he had wandered the country.

Sanzo walked over to the bar, tossed the hat onto it, and looked over the available alcohol. "I need a drink."

[polite_sinner]

((OoC: Repost to fix a typo~. D: ))

Hakkai watched Sanzo carefully for his reaction, already thinking of several things to say to in order to defuse the situation. He half-expected the priest to pull out his gun from who knows where and shoot randomly at someone or something, and he even wondered for a moment if that was the purpose behind the confetti-filled baloons.

"You seem to be taking this well," he remarked approvingly, when it seemed that Sanzo had regained his composure. "I wonder if this means that you'll pay a bit more attention if I happen to suggest you finish your vegetables?" He gave Gojyo a warm smile as well, before casting an affected mournful look at the hat he'd been given. "I look terrible in hats, unfortunately," he explained with a sigh, but he was soon smiling again. "I suppose it can't be helped, though. We all have our faults, don't we?"

He spared a moment to give the cow a gentle pat on the head before going over behind the bar and gesturing for Sanzo to take a seat on the other side, while he played bartender. "Is there anything in particular you would like, then? And should I refill your drink, Gojyo?"

[perverted_kappa]

"She's yours now, and you're responsible for her care. She can't stay in this room forever, so you'll just have to figure out where to put her," Gojyo blithely informed Sanzo, smiling sweetly. He pushed the large bow that was around the cow's neck down slightly in order to reveal the oversized collar, which had heart-shaped tags dangling from it, engraved with Sanzo's name as the owner.

Gojyo lead the cow over to the bar and returned to his seat. "Refill'd be nice, thanks." He retrieved the spare party hat from behind the bar and carefully balanced it on the cow's head, stretching the elastic band around her horns to keep it on. The cow flicked an ear, but didn't seem to mind. "It was either the cow or a stripper. Hakkai didn't think you'd want a stripper, for some reason. Maybe we shoulda got you both?"

The cow eventually took an interest in Sanzo's shirt and began to chew on it.

[worldly_monk]

"Anything with alcohol," Sanzo told Hakkai. At this point, he wasn't feeling picky.

The tags caused him to snort in amusement. "Very thorough." They had obviously been planning this for a while. He'd thought they were joking when they talked about it at Hakkai's Sorting and had forgotten all about it until now. He probably should have known better. Gojyo's suggestion of a stripper was met with a raised eyebrow and no comment. If the choices were a stripper or a cow, he'd take the cow. Not that he would admit that out loud. Sanzo gave the cow a gentle shove to get her away from his shirt. "Didn't you bring anything for her to eat?

"You know, I think I've been at this magic school too long. I didn't even think to ask how you got a cow into a room on the seventh floor of a castle." When Hakkai handed him a drink, he took a sip without even asking what it was. "I am curious why there's a room on the seventh floor of a castle that looks like a stable but has a bar in it."

[polite_sinner]

As he refilled the mug, Hakkai replied blandly, "Both? Perhaps a stripping cow would have been in order." He laughed lightly and passed the mug over to Gojyo, before starting to fill one for himself. "I wonder if that would be allowed on school grounds? . . . It probably would be, now that I think about it, especially as they seem to already allow public drunkenness (ah ha ha). Lewd bovine would probably just be another drop in the bucket, as it were. In any case, I suppose it bears keeping in mind at least, doesn't it?"

He held back a snicker as the cow attempted to make a snack of the priest's clothing. "My, it seems she's become fond of you, Sanzo. And that question is easy enough to answer: With great difficulty. After that -- well, it's rather like those strange logic questions, asking how one would go about putting an elephant into a refrigerator, isn't it?" He gave him a bright smile, shrugging his shoulders. Hakkai feigned a thoughtful look before adding jokingly, "Well, perhaps some of the more rural students like to cope with their homesickness by both embracing it and drowning it in spirits."