Samwell Tarley: A Song of Ice and Fire
The door to the sorting room opened and the newest applicant stumbled through it. The noticeable thing about him was that he was young, fairly heavyset, and carrying an obsydian dagger in his belt. He also really, really, really didn't look like this was his idea of fun.
He looked around the sorting room wildly, and then let out a little shriek that was definitely not manly when the first question came thundering at him, from nowhere and everywhere.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Um... I don't..,. What is this place? Why are you asking me about cheese? I.l.. I don't know!" He began to pace restlessly, and to sweat a little. "We... We had good cheese at Horn Hill. My father said I oughtn't to have eaten so much of it. That's why I'm so fat." He looked down and scuffed his feet nervously.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"I... I know not these men. Why am I supposed to kill them? Are they... Are they wildlings? I'm not much of a fighter, and I've sworn to protect innocent people, not kill them." He looked up at the ceiling. "I'm failing this test, aren't I?"
3. What time is it where you are?
Sam relaxed, because this was an easy question. "It's just after the evening meal. The food at the Citadel's quite a bit richer than I'm used to, and I ate too much."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order
of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus
Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Sam looked indignant. "I am a man of the Night's Watch. That would be breaking my vows. I am sworn against doing that sort of thing, and I mean to never break my oaths again or Jon and the rest really will take me for craven."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend,
in the dark.
"Oh no! The only bar I know about is in Molestown, and I was too scared to ever go there."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or
George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument. "
Who are these people? I know no one by those names. Mayhap they should all go to the Wall. Doing that would settle the marriage question entirely.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated
with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Perhaps you need a better steward? Or a competent maester? ...Which wouldn't be me, as I've only just arrived at the Citadel for training.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Sam was silent and broody for a moment. "I can't," he finally admitted miserably. "I'm just a fat, craven coward. Everyone knows it." He looked for a moment as if he wanted to cry, but then collected himself.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you.
Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the
bribe.
Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't
really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly.
The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"I... I don't have anything to offer. I have this dagger Jon gave me, but I want to keep it. I suppose I could tend your ravens. I'm good with animals." He looked down again, miserably, trying to think of a suitable bribe and failing. He sighed heavily. If this was one of the tests one had to take in order to advance as a maester, he was fairly sure he'd just botched it.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus FAQ and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Samwell
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one. Samwell
"I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Samwell
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Samwell
((I let all the ASOIAF muns know I was doing this. No one screamed and threw a fit.))
He looked around the sorting room wildly, and then let out a little shriek that was definitely not manly when the first question came thundering at him, from nowhere and everywhere.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Um... I don't..,. What is this place? Why are you asking me about cheese? I.l.. I don't know!" He began to pace restlessly, and to sweat a little. "We... We had good cheese at Horn Hill. My father said I oughtn't to have eaten so much of it. That's why I'm so fat." He looked down and scuffed his feet nervously.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"I... I know not these men. Why am I supposed to kill them? Are they... Are they wildlings? I'm not much of a fighter, and I've sworn to protect innocent people, not kill them." He looked up at the ceiling. "I'm failing this test, aren't I?"
3. What time is it where you are?
Sam relaxed, because this was an easy question. "It's just after the evening meal. The food at the Citadel's quite a bit richer than I'm used to, and I ate too much."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order
of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus
Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Sam looked indignant. "I am a man of the Night's Watch. That would be breaking my vows. I am sworn against doing that sort of thing, and I mean to never break my oaths again or Jon and the rest really will take me for craven."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend,
in the dark.
"Oh no! The only bar I know about is in Molestown, and I was too scared to ever go there."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or
George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument. "
Who are these people? I know no one by those names. Mayhap they should all go to the Wall. Doing that would settle the marriage question entirely.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated
with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Perhaps you need a better steward? Or a competent maester? ...Which wouldn't be me, as I've only just arrived at the Citadel for training.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Sam was silent and broody for a moment. "I can't," he finally admitted miserably. "I'm just a fat, craven coward. Everyone knows it." He looked for a moment as if he wanted to cry, but then collected himself.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you.
Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the
bribe.
Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't
really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly.
The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"I... I don't have anything to offer. I have this dagger Jon gave me, but I want to keep it. I suppose I could tend your ravens. I'm good with animals." He looked down again, miserably, trying to think of a suitable bribe and failing. He sighed heavily. If this was one of the tests one had to take in order to advance as a maester, he was fairly sure he'd just botched it.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus FAQ and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Samwell
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one. Samwell
"I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Samwell
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Samwell
((I let all the ASOIAF muns know I was doing this. No one screamed and threw a fit.))