Jayne had figured out pretty quickly that there wasn't much market for smuggling or shootin' stuff around these parts. But a man had to make a living somehow, and he figured Shepherd Book had a pretty cushy job. So with that in mind, he'd sent a letter off to someplace called
The Universal Life Church and gotten himself ordained as a minister.
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But this Jayne person was a reverend, and no one was more tolerant than reverends! And so it was that Michael decided to go find him and see if he could fix Michael's problems - or, failing that, recommend some places he could go to find a boyfriend. Didn't reverends know about these things, too? Michael sincerely hoped so.
After wandering around, he spied Jayne in an unused classroom.
Figuring he'd start off with a bit of a Bill Cosby/Fat Albert impersonation, he opened his mouth to say, "Hey hey hey!", but the effects of the curse caused it to come out all twisted.
"Hey? Hey? Hey?" The voice was right, but the intonation was all wrong. Michael frowned. This hex was messing up his comedy - and that was the worst part of all! "Um, so are you the reverend? Do you have advice about being gay? What should I do now that I'm newly queer? Can you remove the hex that made me this way? Do you want to have gay sex with me?"
Ugh, gay sex! Still, Michael was gay now, and he had to suck it up and put out if that's what was necessary!
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He paused. "Do you think it would hurt to be violated anally?" His voice was more tentative. "Couldn't I just use Vaseline or something to alleviate the pain?"
It was best to know all the facts before plunging right in (or being plunged right into)!
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"Sly? What does that even MEAN?" Again, there was a pause. "If you were to break me in, would you break me in gently? And if you won't do it, then...who will? Do you know anyone with a small penis, maybe?"
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OH NO! Was Michael's desire for Dwight to be around a sign that he wanted to have anal sex with Dwight? Oh, GOD, that was the most disgusting thought ever! Michael would do Creed before Dwight, and that was saying a lot, because Creed smelled like homeless people.
Michael got up and started pacing. This was getting more and more disturbing. But at least there was a ray of hope: this Simon guy!
"So...he's got a small penis? He'd be careful? He...he would like a guy like me?"
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