(no subject)
Well, i decided to look at the LJ today and noticed that Alex is the only person that ever posts. So i guess this is pretty much a personal exchange with him. Hey Alex! Though i must say its not as exciting because he pretty much knows what's going on in my life. I'm glad he does because for a while he got distracted and didn't really hang out with us. Now we're all hanging out again, partially due to Brittany. It so easy to hang out with so many different people when a bunch of social circles collide.
Actually this is rather wierd, writing this because only one person is going to read it lol. I'll pretend not?
The semester is pretty much over. I took my chem final today and i know i did well enough. Calc is going to be easy which will round out a 4.0 for the semester. The other day Brittany, while consoling Carolyn, said that she would stop being friends with her if she got a 4.0. lol Anyway, the semester has been pretty easy. I kind of wished i had taken more upon myself, i feel like a bum because i don't really do much with my life right now. In the same rite, i don't want to compensate too much next semester and take too much on myself. The crew kids want me to join but i'm reluctant at best.
Last week there was an episode that was bad. I def relapsed into the mental breakdown that i had last year. It worries me because there have been a couple things that i think are related and frankly i'm afraid to confont the idea. I'm debating whether i should go to a doctor. I was going to go because of my sleeping habits. THey have improved slightly with the excising of mountain dew from my diet, temporarily. I don't really know what's up, but i'm not sure if i want to know. I'll be fine, right?
So I'm starting to more fully piece an educational goal/path together a little bit at a time. Right now, I'm def prioritizing Economics over Physics and waiting on a possible MBA offering here. In the spring I'll be done undergraduate research in the Economics dept. It should be interesting. In a worst case scenario, i gain experience, connections, and a paycheck. My mentor is devolping a new global economic model and i'll be analyzing the current models to build an argument for the need for a new one, specifically hers. It is right up my alley because its international economics.
Okay, so i have this competitive complex. Which kind of explains why i'm so antsy so much of the time. I really have too much time on my hands and nothign productive to do with it. And by time on my hands i mean like my whole like. Going to class has just become busy work, which doesn't really require too much mental capacity. I hope that changes next semester. I was telling this to Christianne and she said its because i'm too smart for them, referring to those at home. I really hate to talk about shit like this because i feel like its wrong. I've never tried to think of myself that way, which i guess is why it continually surprises me. I guess a bunch of us were selected in 1st grade as advanced readers and then that continued through elementary school. Then coasted through middle school, then i was surprised to find out that i was 4th in the class after frosh year. The strangest thing is i guess i just never paid attention, just meandered through life and did my own thing. I never cared. But at the same time i try to be the best at whatever i do, and ultimtately i fall way short and can just be decent at a bunch of random things.
So all during high school specifically junior and senior year, okay never mind. It was something related to dating and why i didn't have a gf in the last two years of high school. I think i've screwed up a lot in the past by letting opportunities slip by because i was too hung up on not being committed. I know the prime difference between this atmosphere and that one. Its something new. Sometimes akward because even though i haven't had the opportunity to do so, i know i won't/can't just walk up to a random girl and start a convo and then get her number. I need to switch mindsets, but something that has been engrained for so long doesn't go away so easily or without a fight. Despite that, i'm comfortable now and that makes me happier than anything.
Ultimately i trust. In what? I know, but its a belief rather than an understanding. I'm happy now. Sometimes you have to take a risk and just go for something and trust that it'll work out in the end. hence, It gets done.
This went way out of order and now i'm bored.
Actually this is rather wierd, writing this because only one person is going to read it lol. I'll pretend not?
The semester is pretty much over. I took my chem final today and i know i did well enough. Calc is going to be easy which will round out a 4.0 for the semester. The other day Brittany, while consoling Carolyn, said that she would stop being friends with her if she got a 4.0. lol Anyway, the semester has been pretty easy. I kind of wished i had taken more upon myself, i feel like a bum because i don't really do much with my life right now. In the same rite, i don't want to compensate too much next semester and take too much on myself. The crew kids want me to join but i'm reluctant at best.
Last week there was an episode that was bad. I def relapsed into the mental breakdown that i had last year. It worries me because there have been a couple things that i think are related and frankly i'm afraid to confont the idea. I'm debating whether i should go to a doctor. I was going to go because of my sleeping habits. THey have improved slightly with the excising of mountain dew from my diet, temporarily. I don't really know what's up, but i'm not sure if i want to know. I'll be fine, right?
So I'm starting to more fully piece an educational goal/path together a little bit at a time. Right now, I'm def prioritizing Economics over Physics and waiting on a possible MBA offering here. In the spring I'll be done undergraduate research in the Economics dept. It should be interesting. In a worst case scenario, i gain experience, connections, and a paycheck. My mentor is devolping a new global economic model and i'll be analyzing the current models to build an argument for the need for a new one, specifically hers. It is right up my alley because its international economics.
Okay, so i have this competitive complex. Which kind of explains why i'm so antsy so much of the time. I really have too much time on my hands and nothign productive to do with it. And by time on my hands i mean like my whole like. Going to class has just become busy work, which doesn't really require too much mental capacity. I hope that changes next semester. I was telling this to Christianne and she said its because i'm too smart for them, referring to those at home. I really hate to talk about shit like this because i feel like its wrong. I've never tried to think of myself that way, which i guess is why it continually surprises me. I guess a bunch of us were selected in 1st grade as advanced readers and then that continued through elementary school. Then coasted through middle school, then i was surprised to find out that i was 4th in the class after frosh year. The strangest thing is i guess i just never paid attention, just meandered through life and did my own thing. I never cared. But at the same time i try to be the best at whatever i do, and ultimtately i fall way short and can just be decent at a bunch of random things.
So all during high school specifically junior and senior year, okay never mind. It was something related to dating and why i didn't have a gf in the last two years of high school. I think i've screwed up a lot in the past by letting opportunities slip by because i was too hung up on not being committed. I know the prime difference between this atmosphere and that one. Its something new. Sometimes akward because even though i haven't had the opportunity to do so, i know i won't/can't just walk up to a random girl and start a convo and then get her number. I need to switch mindsets, but something that has been engrained for so long doesn't go away so easily or without a fight. Despite that, i'm comfortable now and that makes me happier than anything.
Ultimately i trust. In what? I know, but its a belief rather than an understanding. I'm happy now. Sometimes you have to take a risk and just go for something and trust that it'll work out in the end. hence, It gets done.
This went way out of order and now i'm bored.