(no subject)
so i'm starting back at square two. not square one cuz it's not all a hopeless cause. But I am making some new and improved friends rather than the ones I had. My most recent best friend obviously thinks its okay to go to homecoming with my ex whom she knows i still like~she sees nothing wrong with this...hmm....needless to say many of my other friends don't agree with her. So unfortunately, I got myself into a bad habit. I thought that if I did this I would FINALLY be accepted by a group of people. That they would accept me for who I am. What I've realized is that I just don't roll that way. I never have I never will. I'm what you would call a floater. I don't have one group of set friends...I'm friends with many different people which has it's good and bad. Good cuz I know lots of different people. Bad b/c they never think to invite me to anything cuz we're not that close. Take my Salem crowd for instance, not ONE of my friends invited me to Homecoming. If I was really close with them I'm sure one of them would have invited me b/c they love me so much but...no. Instead my best girl friend invites my ex-not me my ex. She said she just "didn't think about asking me to go" but my ex and her are going "just as friends". eh, I don't even care anymore. Loyalty means nothing to people these days. A wise woman was telling me today that she just thought people backstabbed eachother in her class(she taught special ed) and that any normal person would just know not to do certain things. She says kids these days have lost all morals and values. AMEN! The fun times me and best friend had were good it just gets frustrating when every best friend you've had has LOYALTY issues. On a different person, I have this amazing guy friend whom I have been completely lying to. So I guess I have loyalty issues of my own. I thought that since he changed I had to change in front of him. I was scared I would lose him as a friend too. I don't know why I couldn't just tell him the truth b/c for so long I've been able to do it. And of all times to NOT tell him the truth I won't when he's a much better person. Ahh, the things I do sometimes. I know that a general apology is never as good as a one on one apology but I want to tell everyone right now that I am so sorry for hurting you. A lot of times I've taken my friends for granted and all I can do is apologize and pray that you'll forgive me and we can start over. My sister has got to become my best friend that's all there is to it. She's ALWAYS been there for me even when I didn't want her to be. All she has ever done is been loyal to me but at the same time tell me when she doesn't think what I am doing is right. I think this is all that I have right now for my shpeel on the whole "what's going on in Kalyn's life right now". Love Always, Kalyn