World's apart from the last post.
So It's been a year since the last post. Crazy the world is almost completely upside down from that point. I was with a girl then. Living in Wisconsin Madison. I was on top of the world and couldn't be happier. I had the perfect life with great friends and loving what I thought was a loving partner. School was going good and life couldn't be better. Man how things have flipped. I'm living back in Washington now, in my parents house. Single and alone. Still going to school and doing well. I have recently applied to the university of washinton's Aeronautical Engineering program. A step that could be the first in the rest of my life. I'm pretty down right now. I usually get this way after having drank in the previous days. Just so much is bothering me. I am nervous about getting into the school. I hope my personal statement was good. I don't even know if I hit the right points or not. I just have to continue to do well. Everyone seemed to enjoy reading my statement. I'll post it on here. So the biggest concern right now is how lonely I have been. I't does suck, I keep thinking about the past and what could have been. When I think back I wonder sometimes if ill ever get someone as pretty again. It's kinda sad, shows a lack in self confidence. I was just so happy and to have that happen. I wonder to my self if I truly did over react that night. You look at something and the way it went down and you try to convince your self that it was a way. So you can either believe you didn't make a mistake, or just so it's easier to think they wern't right for you. Just to much evidence and from the past what I heard about her ex before me, I just don't see how it could not be true... So hurtful. I just hope not all pretty women are like that. I pray that I will be strong enough to be a supportive and loving partner to someone. I hope I can bread a healthy environment for the two of us. Who ever she is. Kinda crazy to think that my future wife or gf is out there somewhere. I may know her right now. I may not. I sometimes wonder if I made the right choice coming back to WA. I was set in the school back in WI and it just seems very hard for me to get into the school here. I will have to petition to let me get back in. If they don't then im completely screwed. My dreams are over hahaha. I just want to have a faimly. I'm in this dang house by my self and it's lonely. Maybe I should have dated victoria... Like she was not very pretty and kinda a bitch. But hey she was sexy in bed kinda. Then there was Natalie, pretty hot but completely reminded me of my ex. Which I really need to get away from. I mean she was going behind my back with my best freind. Who btw sent me a message today. Which I don't know why he does. I havent spoken to him in probably 6 months you would think he got the message already. I wonder if I made the right decision with him too. IDK you never know. What I do know is that what happened hurt and I don't want to be reminded of that hurt. People are cruel and how no remorse. so I think he should have to deal with that. I just need a little guidance. I'm getting pretty lovenly and sometimes I wonder if the ignorance of death is welcoming. I feel like death will be like before birth. No consciousness of its existence. I have a differential equations exam tomorrow. it's 2am I should be in bed. Im kinda upset with my ex Kayla too right now. She blew me off on friday and didn't even try and hang out. kinda bitter about it. I am always confused by her now. she acts kinda wierd. Where were around eachother she is really sweet and nice. BUt then when not she is pretty disengaged. I don't think of her as a very good friend. I just want someone to keep me company and love me. I hope then come soon. Cuase like it took my ex on a month or 2 to find someone new. I don't want to have to wait anymore...