(no subject)
I feel like I've gotten boring lately. Have I? Probably. My life seems to revolve around basically, three things: Work, hockey and school.
It would revolve around a fourth thing (Marco), but I haven't seen or talked to him much in almost two weeks now. I don't know what's going on there. But it sucks.
I admit, I kind of... scared myself, and probably him, with all that "serious future" talking we did by the lake. I wanted to do more, to ask him... well, to ask him things for real, not just in the abstract, but I couldn't do it. He needs to finish his year, we need to see where we are after that. I know this. It might have been worse if I had said more. But I'm afraid he might be kind of avoiding me now. I feel like maybe I pushed something, took his mind out of its comfort zone about things, about life. I'm sorry, Marco, if that's the case.
Things are so hard when you're trapped at that point between still being a kid and finally being an adult, and there's nowhere you truly fit. I think it hits around sixteen, when you're suddenly handed freedom in the form of a driver's license, and yet, you still have all these rules from your parents and things you have to do. It's a faux-freedom, a trick to teach you independence while you're still safely tucked into bed at home with mommy and daddy to watch over you at night. And it works. Sometimes, too well; you get used to that feeling of being on your own, making your own choices, and then you rebel when you can't anymore.
The thing that is so easy to forget is that we never truly get the complete freedom that we think we do. In fact, there's even less, in some respects, when you're finally "an adult." The responsibilities that come with being an adult are far more limiting than they were when you're at home with your parents. Jobs, bills, taxes, all the things that suddenly are actually your fault if something goes wrong... It's a rough time.
I see so many at a rush to leave, to get out into the adult world early, just pushing at the edges and trying to find a crack so you can break through. I wish I could find a way to change your minds. It's rough, being stuck where you are, the age, the time -- but it's great, too, if you learn to enjoy it. You only get that time for a short while, and believe me, as much as being an adult seems like a great idea at the time, you will come to regret forcing yourself into it faster if you don't just let things, the world, happen as it's supposed to.
And now, I bid you all au revoir, mes amis, for I am about to be late for work.
It would revolve around a fourth thing (Marco), but I haven't seen or talked to him much in almost two weeks now. I don't know what's going on there. But it sucks.
I admit, I kind of... scared myself, and probably him, with all that "serious future" talking we did by the lake. I wanted to do more, to ask him... well, to ask him things for real, not just in the abstract, but I couldn't do it. He needs to finish his year, we need to see where we are after that. I know this. It might have been worse if I had said more. But I'm afraid he might be kind of avoiding me now. I feel like maybe I pushed something, took his mind out of its comfort zone about things, about life. I'm sorry, Marco, if that's the case.
Things are so hard when you're trapped at that point between still being a kid and finally being an adult, and there's nowhere you truly fit. I think it hits around sixteen, when you're suddenly handed freedom in the form of a driver's license, and yet, you still have all these rules from your parents and things you have to do. It's a faux-freedom, a trick to teach you independence while you're still safely tucked into bed at home with mommy and daddy to watch over you at night. And it works. Sometimes, too well; you get used to that feeling of being on your own, making your own choices, and then you rebel when you can't anymore.
The thing that is so easy to forget is that we never truly get the complete freedom that we think we do. In fact, there's even less, in some respects, when you're finally "an adult." The responsibilities that come with being an adult are far more limiting than they were when you're at home with your parents. Jobs, bills, taxes, all the things that suddenly are actually your fault if something goes wrong... It's a rough time.
I see so many at a rush to leave, to get out into the adult world early, just pushing at the edges and trying to find a crack so you can break through. I wish I could find a way to change your minds. It's rough, being stuck where you are, the age, the time -- but it's great, too, if you learn to enjoy it. You only get that time for a short while, and believe me, as much as being an adult seems like a great idea at the time, you will come to regret forcing yourself into it faster if you don't just let things, the world, happen as it's supposed to.
And now, I bid you all au revoir, mes amis, for I am about to be late for work.