Almost 2009...another year another chance
Well 2008 is closing pretty soon...seems like this year had gone by so fast. I am happy that I am getting closer to my friends here in NE but I am still homesick and want to be in a place where I am comfortable to be myself. I guess I have grown and mature but there are still a lot of questions that goes through my mind...most of them involves guys of course like why are they always put themselves through a hard time by being with a girl that would use them, treat them bad, and is not good for them...then i guess i am also guilty of the same crime because there are guys who asks me out but I also turn them down because they are not my type. I guess thats the reason a lot of the guys i like have...I dont like the fact that i dont like myself and have low self esteem. I dont mean to but I try wearing make up and dressing good but I guess when guys dont hit on you and dont ask you out i feel like its all a waste of time and money. I know that i am a good person, I am caring, sincere, loyal, and would be a good gf. I have reinvented my expectations and standards when it comes to guys and still I have been alone and disappointed. He doesnt have to be the hottest guy, just someone who I do find attractive. He just have to be employed because I do not want to be used. He has to love sports (i would even consider someone who loves football because I went to a huskers game and I do had tons of fun). I want someone who I can feel like myself and do not have to change for him and vice versa. Is that having high standards? I dont think so....another thing that is bothering me is that I am finally getting close to matt and have been hanging out with him and i think he is starting to like me, but unofrtunately I am thinking about alberto more because just as everyone in his circle of friends expected me and al should be together. The only bad thing is I think the timing is off.....i think alberto liked me in the beginning and I dismissed him because I was into chris but now the tables are switched and I have been thinking about him and he is indisposable and havent been hanging out with us. I also reconnected with Jimmy from this summer. all of a sudden i got a txt from him because i think he saw me at the huskers game. He asked if i was still single and i told him yeah. We met for drinks and he told me that he got scared because we were moving too fast...I told him that he should have talked to me and not be a dick and just let me know because i got over it...one thing led to another and now instead of being in cloud 9 i feel crappy again. I dont think he wants a relationship and if he doesnt I dont want anything to do with him. I refuse to be the friends with benefits girl because I want and need more from a guy. So my new years resolution is that once more again..Me, Myself, and I...because I have to think of my self in order to be happy...