The (other) King is gone
Michael Jackson reportedly died this afternoon, and I may have to take bereavement leave so I can write down all the sick, twisted jokes that are immediately springing to mind.
If you are offended, please remember that some people cope with grief by making sick jokes about famous, child molesting, batshit crazy freaks with melting faces.
And at least Ed McMahon received some recognition this week as an entertainer, as well as a decorated United States Marine Corps aviator and veteran of WWII, Korea, Marine Corps Reserves, and Brigadier General in the California Air National Guard. Semper Fi, Ed.
If you are offended, please remember that some people cope with grief by making sick jokes about famous, child molesting, batshit crazy freaks with melting faces.
- An LA hospital confirmed that Michael Jackson was pronounced dead this afternoon. They could not confirm reports that he had reanimated and was eating the pediatric ward.
- Pepsi has offered to cremate the body. Again.
- Michael Jackson died this week at the age of 50. He leaves behind two ex-wives, two children, and approximately 30% of his original face.
- Michael Jackson was reported dead on June 25th. St. Peter was quoted as saying "Beat it."
- Michael Jackson will be remembered for touching millions of music fans... and little boys.
- Michael Jackson died this week. Macaully Culkin stated "No comment, and my lawyer will discuss my whereabouts when they found the body."
- Jackson's family issued a statement asking for privacy. Unless you have a job offer, 'cause now they're really screwed.
- I think we should honor the memory of Michael Jackson, and not make any sick jokes at his expense. Besides, Jimmy Kimmel and Craig Ferguson already beat us to the good ones.
- When informed, Jackson's children asked "So, can we take off the masks and leave the hyperbaric chamber now?"
- Initial reports just stated Lisa Marie Presley's ex-husband died. When it was confirmed Michael Jackson died, movie fans said "Dammit, so Nicholas Cage is still alive?"
- Please join me in a moment of silence for Michael Jackson.... Wow, he usually only got people to keep quiet by paying their parents a settlement.
- As a sign of mourning, the family has asked Jackson's fans to wear one black glove.
And at least Ed McMahon received some recognition this week as an entertainer, as well as a decorated United States Marine Corps aviator and veteran of WWII, Korea, Marine Corps Reserves, and Brigadier General in the California Air National Guard. Semper Fi, Ed.