The end of an era
Tomorrow is my last full day in Austin for a while. It's a bit sad. I like this place. I have a full day of work and packing ahead of me. I seemed to have managed to collect much more shit than I can take back with me. It's kind of impressive. I'm going to miss my room. I'm going to miss this view. I'm going to miss the people... kind of ridiculous, isn't it? I don't think I'll miss them individually, but I'll miss the availability of human contact. I have taken that for granted.
My mom is getting surgery on Thursday. They say it is an ovarian cyst. It's going to be interesting. I think I may tell Allison I like her. It's a stretch, but I think that it's something that I must do for myself. It feels like it's a step in the right direction. I'm tired of short "things" or inconvenient and stupid "things". I want stability. I want someone that will be there for me, and I can be there for them. I also want something new. I don't think that I've grown out of my skin or friends (that's preposterous), but I think that a fresh new face/person is needed in my life. Allison has been that person for the past few months. Maybe I'm confusing things. We shall see.
Things go on. Fooling around with people just isn't the same as having the confidence that the other person feels as strong about you, as you feel about them. I have run into that feeling too often. I've been replacing some things with other feelings. I need to get my priorities straight this summer... if I don't burn out by the end of it.
Some of my friends have graduated. It's alarming to know that the people I have come to admire and know are leaving. Soon, in the hopes that it will all go right, I will be one of those people. It's a scary idea. Notre Dame keeps sending me application fee waivers and I keep getting emails about applying to people's graduate programs. They might be meaningless recruitment tools, or maybe even sincere requests. Nevertheless, it is incredibly intimidating to think that I am leaving Austin in a year. This time next year I will know what graduate school I'll be attending. Maybe I won't go. Maybe I'll just stay here... I doubt it... Texas is beautiful and fantastic, but I have to see more of the world to become the person that I want to be.
Tomorrow, work. Monday, Houston.
My mom is getting surgery on Thursday. They say it is an ovarian cyst. It's going to be interesting. I think I may tell Allison I like her. It's a stretch, but I think that it's something that I must do for myself. It feels like it's a step in the right direction. I'm tired of short "things" or inconvenient and stupid "things". I want stability. I want someone that will be there for me, and I can be there for them. I also want something new. I don't think that I've grown out of my skin or friends (that's preposterous), but I think that a fresh new face/person is needed in my life. Allison has been that person for the past few months. Maybe I'm confusing things. We shall see.
Things go on. Fooling around with people just isn't the same as having the confidence that the other person feels as strong about you, as you feel about them. I have run into that feeling too often. I've been replacing some things with other feelings. I need to get my priorities straight this summer... if I don't burn out by the end of it.
Some of my friends have graduated. It's alarming to know that the people I have come to admire and know are leaving. Soon, in the hopes that it will all go right, I will be one of those people. It's a scary idea. Notre Dame keeps sending me application fee waivers and I keep getting emails about applying to people's graduate programs. They might be meaningless recruitment tools, or maybe even sincere requests. Nevertheless, it is incredibly intimidating to think that I am leaving Austin in a year. This time next year I will know what graduate school I'll be attending. Maybe I won't go. Maybe I'll just stay here... I doubt it... Texas is beautiful and fantastic, but I have to see more of the world to become the person that I want to be.
Tomorrow, work. Monday, Houston.