(no subject)
I've been thinking about my life a lot lately. It's crazy that if you left your house 5 minutes earlier you'd avoid a car crash...or by walking into a room you're not suppose to you find someone that catches your eye. It's fucking crazy...and I don't know if anyone else thinks about this or not, but it makes me kinda careful about how I plan my day.
I don't write in here as much...I think there's lack of innovative thought. There's a lack in a lot of things in my life begging to be tampered with again. I feel like the changes in my life have distracted me from being a smarter person. I can be a better person than I am right now if I could get myself to be motivated enough to pick up a book and read it.
I couldn't really tell you how my life is going at the moment. I can't say that it's bad or good. It's neutral, but I wish that I could get out of this center of balance and fix myself together.
I picked up a second job at Wal-Mart. Tire and Lube Express. The worse fucking job in the world. I don't know anything about cars...I don't know why I decided to fucking put myself in this hell. For some reason I thought that by pleasing this lady I could make her day cause she filled this position that no one wanted. I completely fucking understand why no one would want this job working in TLE.
Too much shit to deal with. A lot of mean co-workers. No one talks...everyone is silent at work...it's bull shit. No one tells you when to go on break, you just go whenever which I hate. I need a set fucking routine when I go on break. I need some sort of guide. This fucking job at Wal-Mart doesn't bring me anywhere but a second pay check. I FUCKING WANT TO QUIT BUT I NEED THE MONEY FOR COLLEGE. I wish I could start a fundraiser for myself. Maybe someone rich will feel sorry for me and pay my way through. It would be swell...but it will never happen. Wishful thinking is so damn bitter.
So yeah, I still listen to metal and all that great stuff. I'm behind in all my financial calculations that I had made for myself 6 months ago. I don't have any money...LITERALLY. I get paid TWICE this week. What a plus....
My state income tax still hasn't come in because I fucking did them myself. Way to fucking thank the independent for filing in their own damn tax and not giving them to a person a month and almost a fucking half after they've done it. How long does it fucking take to write me out a check telling me I can have my money back....and the fucking Federal income tax doesn't even give me HALF. This country fucking blows. So does this state for thinking that because I have two letters switched around that I'm a fucking whole nother identity. I'm angry at the things around me that will not fall into place.
I haven't had one good thing happen to me yet other than getting my tattoos... This year fucking sucks. I wish I could sleep through it and live through '07.
I need a new high paying job.
I need a license.
I need these braces off my teeth.
I need to figure out my life.
Whatever happiness is...it doesn't co-exist with whatever is going in my life right now. I don't think I've really been so damn unhappy about my situation for such a long time. Depression could possibly seep in the crevices of me and take apart my sanity...but I will win this war somehow.
I don't write in here as much...I think there's lack of innovative thought. There's a lack in a lot of things in my life begging to be tampered with again. I feel like the changes in my life have distracted me from being a smarter person. I can be a better person than I am right now if I could get myself to be motivated enough to pick up a book and read it.
I couldn't really tell you how my life is going at the moment. I can't say that it's bad or good. It's neutral, but I wish that I could get out of this center of balance and fix myself together.
I picked up a second job at Wal-Mart. Tire and Lube Express. The worse fucking job in the world. I don't know anything about cars...I don't know why I decided to fucking put myself in this hell. For some reason I thought that by pleasing this lady I could make her day cause she filled this position that no one wanted. I completely fucking understand why no one would want this job working in TLE.
Too much shit to deal with. A lot of mean co-workers. No one talks...everyone is silent at work...it's bull shit. No one tells you when to go on break, you just go whenever which I hate. I need a set fucking routine when I go on break. I need some sort of guide. This fucking job at Wal-Mart doesn't bring me anywhere but a second pay check. I FUCKING WANT TO QUIT BUT I NEED THE MONEY FOR COLLEGE. I wish I could start a fundraiser for myself. Maybe someone rich will feel sorry for me and pay my way through. It would be swell...but it will never happen. Wishful thinking is so damn bitter.
So yeah, I still listen to metal and all that great stuff. I'm behind in all my financial calculations that I had made for myself 6 months ago. I don't have any money...LITERALLY. I get paid TWICE this week. What a plus....
My state income tax still hasn't come in because I fucking did them myself. Way to fucking thank the independent for filing in their own damn tax and not giving them to a person a month and almost a fucking half after they've done it. How long does it fucking take to write me out a check telling me I can have my money back....and the fucking Federal income tax doesn't even give me HALF. This country fucking blows. So does this state for thinking that because I have two letters switched around that I'm a fucking whole nother identity. I'm angry at the things around me that will not fall into place.
I haven't had one good thing happen to me yet other than getting my tattoos... This year fucking sucks. I wish I could sleep through it and live through '07.
I need a new high paying job.
I need a license.
I need these braces off my teeth.
I need to figure out my life.
Whatever happiness is...it doesn't co-exist with whatever is going in my life right now. I don't think I've really been so damn unhappy about my situation for such a long time. Depression could possibly seep in the crevices of me and take apart my sanity...but I will win this war somehow.