fear.
I hold so much inside because i am afraid of how i will effect people.
I am full of so much i want to say.
but i dont trust that i can just say or do what i feel because i may scare people with how intense i am.
If i love you, then i love you.
But i am so afraid sometimes, of loving people too much, or too hard.
That I will never receive that kind of love back as intensely, and so as a result of that fear, I hold back from it all together.
I am afraid that I may be the only one feeling this way.
Or that I will scare them away with all I have.
I miss him so much.
I know its only been a week, but I do.
And I dont want to cry, I dont want to say too much, or show just how much i feel.
because i am afraid i am the only one feeling this way.
Why should I jump to that conclusion?
I dont know, i just do.
and so i hold it in and it eats me up inside.
is it wrong to love with all your heart?
i feel like it is.
i feel like you give in to love 100%
and you're bound to end up with a broken heart.
but that needs to change.
I know i can't be afraid forever.
And when I'm with him, i don't feel that way. i feel loved. i feel special. i feel like i am finally with someone who loves me as much as i love them.
but since he's been gone, i've started to question myself...maybe its because i can't hug him, or kiss him.
that i can't see it in his eyes.
on the phone, i start to say i love you, but as it comes out i feel like i shouldnt have said anything at all.
that if i say i miss him its as if i'm not strong enough to be here without him.
there is just so much inside.
and i feel like i am trying to push it away.
i should just let it out and trust it.i know that.
i need to believe in what my heart tells me.
its just so hard when you're afraid of the pain you've known before.
but i guess i just have to let it be.
and if it ends in pain then at least i let myself love the way...right?
right.
I am full of so much i want to say.
but i dont trust that i can just say or do what i feel because i may scare people with how intense i am.
If i love you, then i love you.
But i am so afraid sometimes, of loving people too much, or too hard.
That I will never receive that kind of love back as intensely, and so as a result of that fear, I hold back from it all together.
I am afraid that I may be the only one feeling this way.
Or that I will scare them away with all I have.
I miss him so much.
I know its only been a week, but I do.
And I dont want to cry, I dont want to say too much, or show just how much i feel.
because i am afraid i am the only one feeling this way.
Why should I jump to that conclusion?
I dont know, i just do.
and so i hold it in and it eats me up inside.
is it wrong to love with all your heart?
i feel like it is.
i feel like you give in to love 100%
and you're bound to end up with a broken heart.
but that needs to change.
I know i can't be afraid forever.
And when I'm with him, i don't feel that way. i feel loved. i feel special. i feel like i am finally with someone who loves me as much as i love them.
but since he's been gone, i've started to question myself...maybe its because i can't hug him, or kiss him.
that i can't see it in his eyes.
on the phone, i start to say i love you, but as it comes out i feel like i shouldnt have said anything at all.
that if i say i miss him its as if i'm not strong enough to be here without him.
there is just so much inside.
and i feel like i am trying to push it away.
i should just let it out and trust it.i know that.
i need to believe in what my heart tells me.
its just so hard when you're afraid of the pain you've known before.
but i guess i just have to let it be.
and if it ends in pain then at least i let myself love the way...right?
right.