(no subject)
so i pretty much forgot livejournal existed.
facebook has completely taken over and I have forgotten all about this little journal of mine.
not that i have much to report.
I am working long and tedious shifts at the auto show.
I am still waiting for something amazing to come along and sweep me away from the reality of my boyfriend leaving for 5 months, my best friend being half way across the globe, and my voice getting weaker and weaker as i get further and further away from being able to afford vocal lessons.
Im still trying to get over the embarrassment of throwing a party that only 2 of my friends showed up for-
one of which was my boyfriend, and one my ex.
so do they even count?
I'm still waiting for something....
I feel like I should be on this great adventure, the one everyone else seems to be on.
and I know I have things to be grateful for and i am grateful.
i am.
I guess, I just want to be doing what I love.
I don't want to be the girl that wallows, or lives vicariously through her friends.
I want to perform, and be on stage.
I want to do a good audition, one I feel I can really brag to myself about.
i can look on the bright side though.
I'm madly in love.
its pretty fucking awesome.
and it still feels new.
its still about smiles and laughter, and butterflies.
however,
I have to admit, thats it does seem odd, or funny, how when one thing goes right, everything else seems to be all over the place.
and It makes me wonder, does it have to be that way?
how come it seems that way for me and not for other people?
how come some people seem to have it all..?
SEEM being the key word I guess.
and i know i shouldnt compare myself to anyone.
I try not to, but dont we all compare from time to time?
ah well, i guess Im just there in that place right now.
i dont want to look back, but its scary looking forward and seeing myself alone, and not knowing where i go from there.
well then i I guess all i can try and do is focus on today right?
so i'll focus on today:
I woke up to the man I love.
I had a wonderful surprise breakfast with lexie.
I worked hard.
I missed Kait.
I still miss Kait.
I tried to get in touch with some other good friends I have been thinking about lately.
I cried.
And I wrote this post.
and surprisingly...
I feel better now.
thanks for letting me ramble.
its been a while.
facebook has completely taken over and I have forgotten all about this little journal of mine.
not that i have much to report.
I am working long and tedious shifts at the auto show.
I am still waiting for something amazing to come along and sweep me away from the reality of my boyfriend leaving for 5 months, my best friend being half way across the globe, and my voice getting weaker and weaker as i get further and further away from being able to afford vocal lessons.
Im still trying to get over the embarrassment of throwing a party that only 2 of my friends showed up for-
one of which was my boyfriend, and one my ex.
so do they even count?
I'm still waiting for something....
I feel like I should be on this great adventure, the one everyone else seems to be on.
and I know I have things to be grateful for and i am grateful.
i am.
I guess, I just want to be doing what I love.
I don't want to be the girl that wallows, or lives vicariously through her friends.
I want to perform, and be on stage.
I want to do a good audition, one I feel I can really brag to myself about.
i can look on the bright side though.
I'm madly in love.
its pretty fucking awesome.
and it still feels new.
its still about smiles and laughter, and butterflies.
however,
I have to admit, thats it does seem odd, or funny, how when one thing goes right, everything else seems to be all over the place.
and It makes me wonder, does it have to be that way?
how come it seems that way for me and not for other people?
how come some people seem to have it all..?
SEEM being the key word I guess.
and i know i shouldnt compare myself to anyone.
I try not to, but dont we all compare from time to time?
ah well, i guess Im just there in that place right now.
i dont want to look back, but its scary looking forward and seeing myself alone, and not knowing where i go from there.
well then i I guess all i can try and do is focus on today right?
so i'll focus on today:
I woke up to the man I love.
I had a wonderful surprise breakfast with lexie.
I worked hard.
I missed Kait.
I still miss Kait.
I tried to get in touch with some other good friends I have been thinking about lately.
I cried.
And I wrote this post.
and surprisingly...
I feel better now.
thanks for letting me ramble.
its been a while.