Lily's Eyes
I closed the bathroom door behind me and sat down on the cold tiles. Cold as I felt at that moment, I couldn’t bring myself to wrap up in anything warmer than my nightgown. The tears streamed down my face. I leaned against the door, effectively keeping it from opening should he wake up. Shivering with cold and fear and loathing I contemplated what had happened earlier.
“Lily” he had gasped, trembling in my arms, dripping with sweat. He didn’t even notice that I didn’t answer him, didn’t tell him I love him like I normally do. Didn’t curl up on his chest, warm and cozy as he dozed. He had called me by another woman’s name mid-coitus. And not just any woman. Her. The one he had been in love with since childhood. The one he had unwittingly betrayed to her death. The one who had been his best friend for years and had abandoned him for a man he hated. Her. Lily Evans Potter. The glorious martyr.
Not even married for twenty four hours yet and already wedded bliss was shot to hell, ruined by the ghost of another man’s wife. Always he had said I had beautiful eyes. Such a wonderful shade of hazel that could range from blue to green to brown. I looked in the hand mirror. Today they were a shade of grayish green. Damn the green in them. It was eyes of that same shade of green that had broken his heart years ago. Eyes that he still pined for. I couldn’t help but wonder, was it me that he married, or my green eyes? Lily’s eyes. Damn them.
But I couldn’t damn her. Not the woman who had given her very life to save her son. Her son. I looked down at my waist. Not noticeable to anyone but myself, it was slowly changing. He knew. I had told him just after the short ceremony. I wondered whether it would be a son or a daughter. So long as it wasn’t cursed to have green eyes. A child of his with those eyes would have no chance of a life of their own.
I looked back in the mirror. Still the same green. I picked up my wand and transfigured the color. Now a nice shade of gray, still with those signature red flecks I saw every day, some days brighter than others. I heard a shuffling outside the door, then a knock.
“Ana, are you in there?” his gruff voice queried.
“Yes. Why, get cold feet?” I snapped, throwing open the door. He stood there blinking in the sudden light. “Did you forget who you are married to? Or do you call all of your wives by other women’s names on your honeymoon?”
“I . . . wait. What?” he scowled, looking confused.
“You called me by her name. HER NAME, Severus. I am NOT Lily FUCKING Potter!”
He blanched. He had finally realized what he had done. Trembling, he sank to the floor and put his head in his hands.
“My God Ana. I’m so sorry. I didn’t even realize. Do with me what you will. Kill me. Divorce me. I don’t deserve anyone.” I pointed my wand at him, as if for a killing strike.
“Don’t you ever mention that woman in my presence again. I will not pick up any more pieces she left broken. I’ve been doing that for too many years and I’m sick of putting you back together. I won’t do it any more.” I lowered the wand. “I’m your wife now. I don’t want to know about other women who have a place in your heart. Your mother I don’t mind, but I can’t bear to think my husband, My HUSBAND, holding any other woman in his heart like that. Don’t mention it and we’ll be okay.” I sighed and knelt beside him, stretching a hand out to his sharp jawline, brushing the hair out of the way. I leaned my forehead against his.
“I love you and I will not share you with a dead woman.” And kissed him the tears salty against his skin.