(no subject)
Mim and I were discussing guys we'd liked when we first came to uni, and over the course of the discussion I realised something about myself which may explain my chronic singletonness.
When I meet someone new, I might start to like them. But as soon as I get the impression they may like me back, my brain immediately screams "Oh my God, they like me! THERE MUST BE SOMETHING HORRIBLY WRONG WITH THEM!!" and I immediately assume they are creepy and weird, and they plummet in my estimation, falling into the deep darkness beneath what I assume to be my 'league'.
Alternatively, they may give no sign whatsoever they like me, or already have a girlfriend. Basically, they appear unattainable. At which point, they will ascend on sunbeams with angelic chorus into the heavenly skies above my 'league', and I will not dream of doing anything or saying anything to show I like them, and will just watch from afar, ignoring the yells and cries of those cast down into the depths for daring to show an interest.
This has the unfortunate side-effect of leaving me entirely alone in my little League.
There are two examples of this:
Guy 1 was all right. We got on well, we had things in common, I started to wonder if I liked him in that way. But then he made the fatal mistake of paying compliments and showing he liked me, and he will forevermore be labelled as 'Creepy Weirdo' in my head. Despite my friends insisting how great he is, and how much he likes me, I just know I can't ever think of him in that way without extensive self-help books.
Guy 2, meanwhile, never showed any sign he liked me. I assumed he liked my other friend, and so, of course, would never dream of telling him how I felt. But then he took me completely by surprise by kissing me, before I had the chance to label him as Creepy Weirdo, so that worked out fine.
Except he dumped me two days later, so I guess it didn't work out that well after all.
Right now, there's one guy I sort of like. I'm not sure yet, but I'm waiting and seeing. I was definitely more certain I liked him before, when he showed no interest in me - but now he has started showing what could be interpreted as interest, I'm suddenly not sure.
So it feels like I'm hanging onto him by his hoodie as the darkness beneath my League tries to drag him down and label him as yet another 'Creepy Weirdo', yelling "Nooo, you're not taking another one!!!"
My brain is an incredibly special place.
Which is just exemplified by my weird dreams last night, where I had to do ballet at my grandma's funeral, and Carrie was a superhero dressed in pink, and my sister turned up saying that she was Peter Petrelli and that Fred Flintstone was on his way to kill me.
When I meet someone new, I might start to like them. But as soon as I get the impression they may like me back, my brain immediately screams "Oh my God, they like me! THERE MUST BE SOMETHING HORRIBLY WRONG WITH THEM!!" and I immediately assume they are creepy and weird, and they plummet in my estimation, falling into the deep darkness beneath what I assume to be my 'league'.
Alternatively, they may give no sign whatsoever they like me, or already have a girlfriend. Basically, they appear unattainable. At which point, they will ascend on sunbeams with angelic chorus into the heavenly skies above my 'league', and I will not dream of doing anything or saying anything to show I like them, and will just watch from afar, ignoring the yells and cries of those cast down into the depths for daring to show an interest.
This has the unfortunate side-effect of leaving me entirely alone in my little League.
There are two examples of this:
Guy 1 was all right. We got on well, we had things in common, I started to wonder if I liked him in that way. But then he made the fatal mistake of paying compliments and showing he liked me, and he will forevermore be labelled as 'Creepy Weirdo' in my head. Despite my friends insisting how great he is, and how much he likes me, I just know I can't ever think of him in that way without extensive self-help books.
Guy 2, meanwhile, never showed any sign he liked me. I assumed he liked my other friend, and so, of course, would never dream of telling him how I felt. But then he took me completely by surprise by kissing me, before I had the chance to label him as Creepy Weirdo, so that worked out fine.
Except he dumped me two days later, so I guess it didn't work out that well after all.
Right now, there's one guy I sort of like. I'm not sure yet, but I'm waiting and seeing. I was definitely more certain I liked him before, when he showed no interest in me - but now he has started showing what could be interpreted as interest, I'm suddenly not sure.
So it feels like I'm hanging onto him by his hoodie as the darkness beneath my League tries to drag him down and label him as yet another 'Creepy Weirdo', yelling "Nooo, you're not taking another one!!!"
My brain is an incredibly special place.
Which is just exemplified by my weird dreams last night, where I had to do ballet at my grandma's funeral, and Carrie was a superhero dressed in pink, and my sister turned up saying that she was Peter Petrelli and that Fred Flintstone was on his way to kill me.