Past, Present Or Future? (Part one)
I have a new fic for y'all. Will be posting new parts whenever I can!!
Title:Past, Present Or Future? (Spoliers Up To: Combat)
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating/Warning: Rated PG for now. R in later chapters for mentions of abuse, rape and self harm.
Summary: Ianto wants to be with Jack. But how they can think about a future together when Jack won't let go of his past?
Author's Notes: I hope no one takes offence at this fic (I shouldn't have thought you will, but just in case). It does have mentions of abuse and rape (neither of which I myself have experienced) and self harm (which I have experience). If anyone thinks that character reactions are off/out of character, please let me know!
Ianto had always thought of himself as a spare part at Torchwood three. He had only been transferred because Torchwood one had been destroyed and his coffee blend had thrilled everyone at Torchwood three. He always got the feeling that he was never considered a proper member. He was just the guy who cleaned up afterwards and made the coffee. Always seen but never heard.
Then Gwen had joined Torchwood and after the Lisa incident she had included him more as a friend. Jack had started giving him other more important jobs around the place and Tosh and Owen started having proper conversations rather than just mumbling thanks when he bought out their coffee.
But just recently Ianto had once again began to feel left out. He could understand that Gwen and Owen were having a bit of trouble with their affair and Tosh was feeling the consequences of hearing everyone’s thoughts, but he never realised that Jack would start to ignore him as well. After the Suzie incident Ianto thought things might finally start to return to normal between him and Jack. As much as he had never thought about his boss in that way, Ianto missed the constant sexual harassment when it stopped.
So Ianto had even gone as far as to say sorry without using the actual words and they had… well they had certainly become more than friends that night. But since then Ianto had once more been shoved away from the action, discarded in a corner. Jack had practically ignored him during the investigation into Eugene’s death and when Diane, Emma and John had turned up Jack had been so glad that he had someone who understood what it felt like to be out of your time that he didn’t even say thanks when Ianto handed him his coat to go after John.
Jack had been even worse when he explained where he’d found Ianto’s car. Ianto could bear the fact that John had used it to kill himself, could even bear the fact that Jack had stood by and watched, doing nothing to stop it, despite knowing there was nothing after death, but Ianto couldn’t understand why Jack was acting like he’d lost his best friend.
Ianto knew there were things in Jack’s past that he couldn’t explain, that Ianto wouldn’t’ understand even if Jack did explain, but he was always willing to listen. So when Jack didn’t tell him anything Ianto asked. This only made Jack mad and Ianto decided that he was better off out of it. Obviously he and Jack were never going to have the same relationship they once had.
Jack had come to him a few days later, in a much better mood and certainly willing to be more intimate with Ianto, but the Welshman had had enough.
“I could send the others home you know,” Jack said from the kitchen doorway as he watched Ianto wash up the mugs.
“You could,” Ianto agreed through gritted teeth. “But it’ll only mean the admin takes longer to finish.”
Jack frowned slightly stepping into the room.
“Ianto are you ok?” He asked, leaning on the counter top to look at the other man.
“I’m fine, sir,” Ianto said, putting emphasis on the word ‘sir’. He hadn’t called Jack by anything but his first name since the Suzie incident and that night, all those weeks ago.
“Am I missing something here?” Jack raised one eyebrow.
“Nope,” Ianto replied, drying his hand on the tea towel and folding it neatly before putting it on the counter. He made to head for the door, but Jack caught his wrist.
“Ianto, what’s wrong?” Jack asked. Ianto turned back, sighing.
“I’m fed of being used when you feel like it,” Ianto said. “If you want to be with me, then stop sending mixed messages and disappearing off with strange men!”
In any other circumstances Jack might’ve found Ianto’s choice of words comical, but the serious look on the Welshman’s face told Jack that this was not a good time to laugh.
“I’m sorry, I’ve just been going through a tough time,” Jack tried to explain.
“Yeah and so have the rest of us!” Ianto shot back. “You can’t keep doing this to me. I want to be with you, but I can’t stand by as a spare part waiting, hoping that maybe tonight will be the night you want to spend time with me.”
Jack was slightly shocked by the hurt tone Ianto’s words came out in. He looked sadly at Ianto for a moment.
“Sorry,” he said finally. “I really am.”
“I know,” Ianto replied, as Jack released his grip on Ianto’s wrist. “I just… I can’t do this.”
He gestured helplessly at nothing in particular.
“You might’ve been with people before who can put up with only the occasional moment where they finally get you to themselves, but I can’t,” Ianto ran a hand through his hair. “You’ve got to choose Jack. Me or your memories.”
Jack stood there simply staring at Ianto. There silence between them seemed louder than if a thousand people were screaming. But what Ianto had said was totally true, he couldn’t be kept hanging, it wasn’t fair on either of them.
Ianto left then. It was evident that Jack needed time to think things over, after all Ianto was asking him to give up a lot.
As he walked the cold streets home, he wondered if he’d done the right thing. For starters he was still confused about himself. Lisa had been dead less than three months and he’d already fallen for someone else. And that someone else was not only a man but also his boss.
Ianto defiantly needed to think about things as well. He knew that being bisexual was practically a requirement when working for Torchwood, but he’d never thought of himself as anything but straight. Mostly because he’d never had feelings for a man before. Which made him wonder if he really did like Jack or if he was just convincing himself he did because he needed someone else who understood the pain of watching a loved one die?
Ianto’s head hurt badly by the time he got back to his flat. It was way too big now that he had no one to share it with. He went straight to bed, but lay for a long time staring at the ceiling hoping that Jack was ok.
Jack had sent the others home early after Ianto had left. They had questioned Jack about Ianto’s apparent hurry to get away from Torchwood, but he refused to tell them anything.
He retreated to his back room and sat on the bed for a long time contemplating everything Ianto had said. He so desperately didn’t want to lose another potential partner, but how could he let go of the past?
Title:Past, Present Or Future? (Spoliers Up To: Combat)
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating/Warning: Rated PG for now. R in later chapters for mentions of abuse, rape and self harm.
Summary: Ianto wants to be with Jack. But how they can think about a future together when Jack won't let go of his past?
Author's Notes: I hope no one takes offence at this fic (I shouldn't have thought you will, but just in case). It does have mentions of abuse and rape (neither of which I myself have experienced) and self harm (which I have experience). If anyone thinks that character reactions are off/out of character, please let me know!
Ianto had always thought of himself as a spare part at Torchwood three. He had only been transferred because Torchwood one had been destroyed and his coffee blend had thrilled everyone at Torchwood three. He always got the feeling that he was never considered a proper member. He was just the guy who cleaned up afterwards and made the coffee. Always seen but never heard.
Then Gwen had joined Torchwood and after the Lisa incident she had included him more as a friend. Jack had started giving him other more important jobs around the place and Tosh and Owen started having proper conversations rather than just mumbling thanks when he bought out their coffee.
But just recently Ianto had once again began to feel left out. He could understand that Gwen and Owen were having a bit of trouble with their affair and Tosh was feeling the consequences of hearing everyone’s thoughts, but he never realised that Jack would start to ignore him as well. After the Suzie incident Ianto thought things might finally start to return to normal between him and Jack. As much as he had never thought about his boss in that way, Ianto missed the constant sexual harassment when it stopped.
So Ianto had even gone as far as to say sorry without using the actual words and they had… well they had certainly become more than friends that night. But since then Ianto had once more been shoved away from the action, discarded in a corner. Jack had practically ignored him during the investigation into Eugene’s death and when Diane, Emma and John had turned up Jack had been so glad that he had someone who understood what it felt like to be out of your time that he didn’t even say thanks when Ianto handed him his coat to go after John.
Jack had been even worse when he explained where he’d found Ianto’s car. Ianto could bear the fact that John had used it to kill himself, could even bear the fact that Jack had stood by and watched, doing nothing to stop it, despite knowing there was nothing after death, but Ianto couldn’t understand why Jack was acting like he’d lost his best friend.
Ianto knew there were things in Jack’s past that he couldn’t explain, that Ianto wouldn’t’ understand even if Jack did explain, but he was always willing to listen. So when Jack didn’t tell him anything Ianto asked. This only made Jack mad and Ianto decided that he was better off out of it. Obviously he and Jack were never going to have the same relationship they once had.
Jack had come to him a few days later, in a much better mood and certainly willing to be more intimate with Ianto, but the Welshman had had enough.
“I could send the others home you know,” Jack said from the kitchen doorway as he watched Ianto wash up the mugs.
“You could,” Ianto agreed through gritted teeth. “But it’ll only mean the admin takes longer to finish.”
Jack frowned slightly stepping into the room.
“Ianto are you ok?” He asked, leaning on the counter top to look at the other man.
“I’m fine, sir,” Ianto said, putting emphasis on the word ‘sir’. He hadn’t called Jack by anything but his first name since the Suzie incident and that night, all those weeks ago.
“Am I missing something here?” Jack raised one eyebrow.
“Nope,” Ianto replied, drying his hand on the tea towel and folding it neatly before putting it on the counter. He made to head for the door, but Jack caught his wrist.
“Ianto, what’s wrong?” Jack asked. Ianto turned back, sighing.
“I’m fed of being used when you feel like it,” Ianto said. “If you want to be with me, then stop sending mixed messages and disappearing off with strange men!”
In any other circumstances Jack might’ve found Ianto’s choice of words comical, but the serious look on the Welshman’s face told Jack that this was not a good time to laugh.
“I’m sorry, I’ve just been going through a tough time,” Jack tried to explain.
“Yeah and so have the rest of us!” Ianto shot back. “You can’t keep doing this to me. I want to be with you, but I can’t stand by as a spare part waiting, hoping that maybe tonight will be the night you want to spend time with me.”
Jack was slightly shocked by the hurt tone Ianto’s words came out in. He looked sadly at Ianto for a moment.
“Sorry,” he said finally. “I really am.”
“I know,” Ianto replied, as Jack released his grip on Ianto’s wrist. “I just… I can’t do this.”
He gestured helplessly at nothing in particular.
“You might’ve been with people before who can put up with only the occasional moment where they finally get you to themselves, but I can’t,” Ianto ran a hand through his hair. “You’ve got to choose Jack. Me or your memories.”
Jack stood there simply staring at Ianto. There silence between them seemed louder than if a thousand people were screaming. But what Ianto had said was totally true, he couldn’t be kept hanging, it wasn’t fair on either of them.
Ianto left then. It was evident that Jack needed time to think things over, after all Ianto was asking him to give up a lot.
As he walked the cold streets home, he wondered if he’d done the right thing. For starters he was still confused about himself. Lisa had been dead less than three months and he’d already fallen for someone else. And that someone else was not only a man but also his boss.
Ianto defiantly needed to think about things as well. He knew that being bisexual was practically a requirement when working for Torchwood, but he’d never thought of himself as anything but straight. Mostly because he’d never had feelings for a man before. Which made him wonder if he really did like Jack or if he was just convincing himself he did because he needed someone else who understood the pain of watching a loved one die?
Ianto’s head hurt badly by the time he got back to his flat. It was way too big now that he had no one to share it with. He went straight to bed, but lay for a long time staring at the ceiling hoping that Jack was ok.
Jack had sent the others home early after Ianto had left. They had questioned Jack about Ianto’s apparent hurry to get away from Torchwood, but he refused to tell them anything.
He retreated to his back room and sat on the bed for a long time contemplating everything Ianto had said. He so desperately didn’t want to lose another potential partner, but how could he let go of the past?