Re: fill: fili/kili: more things in heaven and earth (3/4) WARNING: non-consospesJanuary 21 2013, 14:09:56 UTC
And he tries to get up, to struggle to his feet, but Thorin holds him in place. His voice is gentle and sickened and so full of anger, and he says, “We noticed the two of you were missing and went looking, and we found your brother... assaulting you in the woods.” Kili’s momentarily too shocked to speak-what? fili? assaulting me? he would never-but Thorin’s grip is suddenly tighter and his lips twist with self-loathing. “I’m so sorry,” he says, and his eyes are shadowed. “Your mother assured me that this was what you wanted, that you had chosen each other. Believe me, if I had known I would never have let him, never have failed you, not again-” Thorin breaks off, and his voice is full of a bitterness and an anger that Kili’s never seen before - but no, because he has seen it before, seen it in his mother’s eyes when she spoke of Frerin, of the uncle Kili barely remembers, the uncle who died in battle at Thorin’s side.
oh, Kili thinks. oh, mother.
Thorin’s eyes are dark in the firelight.
“Uncle,” Kili says, and takes Thorin’s hand, squeezes his fingers. “Uncle, no. This isn’t what you think. Fili would never.”
“Kili, you don’t have to defend him,” Thorin says gently. “He abused you, you’re not to blame. He claimed that you asked him to, that it was what you wanted.” And his voice is harder, now, darker, full of memory and regret. “He can’t hurt you, not with ropes round his wrists. He’ll get what’s coming to him, don’t worry.”
Something twists in Kili’s stomach, and he says, low and steady, “I did ask him to.”
Thorin’s eyes are confused. “What?”
Shame curdles in Kili’s gut, and he feels his cheeks heat up. “He was restraining me and mocking me and being a bit of a shit,” he says, “because that’s what I like. He loves me, uncle. He would never hurt me.”
Thorin’s grip falters. “Kili,” he says. “You don’t have to-”
“I’m not covering for him,” Kili interrupts. “I’m not making this up. He’s my one, uncle, and I’m his. He’d rather die.”
And Thorin’s cheeks are suddenly ruddy in the firelight. “You’re telling the truth,” he says bluntly.
Kili just nods. The ringing in his ears has faded almost completely now, and he looks around, sees the camp subdued and looking anywhere but this little huddle of the line of Durin, sees Bombur solemn and not touching his food, Bilbo shocked and horrified - and sees his brother, tossed out at the treeline with his hands pinioned behind his back and a rag stuffed into his mouth. There’s blood dripping in Fili’s eyes, but Kili doesn’t look away. “Let him go,” he says quietly. “Uncle, please.”
Fili’s eyes are pointedly blank when Thorin cuts his bonds away, gaze lowered and gestures almost humble, and he refuses Kili’s offered hand, leaps to his feet and tears the gag out of his mouth, storms off - and Kili finds himself staring at the ground his brother was lying on only a moment before, the ground that’s spotted with blood. His heart aches.
Thorin’s hand on his arm halts him. “I’m sorry,” he says, soft as the wind in the trees. “Tell him that.”
There’s a part of Kili that remembers the hurt hidden in his brother’s face and thinks tell him yourself, you bastard, but he knows that it’s not that simple. Love comes in half a hundred forms, and he says, “I will.”
Re: fill: fili/kili: more things in heaven and earth (4/4) WARNING: non-consospesJanuary 21 2013, 14:10:13 UTC
He follows Fili’s trail through the trees, follows broken branches and displaced leaves until he finds him in a clearing lit by the moonlight, face upturned towards the sky. Blood is crusted dark on his skin, his lips are parted, and there’s a bruise blackening around his left eye. Kili’s heart thuds in his chest, and he says, “He’s sorry.”
Fili’s eyes open, but he doesn’t look at Kili. He says with his anger barely controlled, “How could he think that? How could he think I’d do that?”
Kili thinks of the pain in his mother’s eyes and the fear in Thorin’s voice. “He loves us,” he replies, doesn’t tell the truth that’s not his to tell. “He just... misunderstood.”
Fili turns, slow and ponderous, and for the first time Kili’s notices that the scrap of cloth that was stuffed in his mouth is still in his hand, fingers clenched tight and angry. “I love you,” Fili says, open and honest. “You know that.”
Kili can feel bitemarks and bruises on his neck, a throbbing ache at the back of his head, and he smiles gently and says, “Of course.”
And Fili’s at his side in half a heartbeat, dragging him into his arms and crushing him close, tight and furious and loving. Kili’s heart races because Fili is shaking violently, and he winds his arms around him, doesn’t let go, won’t ever let go. In his ear, Fili hisses, “I would never.”
Kili closes his eyes, doesn’t think about the fear that flooded his heart when he felt his brother being ripped away from him. “I know,” he says. “I know.” And he feels Fili press his nose into his neck, feels Fili’s hands tight in the back of his coat, and he feels nothing but safe. He smiles, looks up at the moon, and winds his fingers through his brother’s hair. “And just so you know,” he says softer, lighter, full of love and affection and nothing has changed. “The gag? Suits you.”
And Fili laughs softly in the brightness of the night.
Re: fill: fili/kili: more things in heaven and earth (4/4) WARNING: non-consospesJanuary 21 2013, 17:38:29 UTC
omg you write top!fili so well and this was so amazing and awwwww protective dwarves omfg
this comment will not be coherent or eloquent at all; please forgive me, but alskgnsldkgnskldgnslkdg omfg my only complaint is that you didn't let them go a bit further before they were pulled away from each other
but aww i love that they're so quick to protect each other. the dwarves, i mean. you write everyone so well :|
Re: fill: fili/kili: more things in heaven and earth (4/4) WARNING: non-conmelficeJanuary 21 2013, 18:25:17 UTC
Splendid as normal. You handled this delicately, I thought. I really like Kili's gentle thoughts in this - how he's just taken aback that anyone could think Fili would hurt him. Thank you for sharing :)
Re: fill: fili/kili: more things in heaven and earth (4/4) WARNING: non-consospesJanuary 21 2013, 21:14:53 UTC
Potentially, yeah. I was thinking about why Thorin (because he wouldn't exactly let the rest of the company act against his wishes) would react so badly without clarifying the situation first, and prior experience with a similar situation was the first thing that came to mind. Idk. :) Thank you.
Re: fill: fili/kili: more things in heaven and earth (4/4) WARNING: non-consospesJanuary 21 2013, 21:26:36 UTC
Holy flipping emotional rollercoaster ride. Hot, so hot, then doused with cold water, then horror at hurt bbs, then anger, then more horror, then hopefulness. Emotional exhaustion = great fic.
Re: fill: fili/kili: more things in heaven and earth (4/4) WARNING: non-con3ngelJanuary 21 2013, 23:19:59 UTC
First I was so angry with Thorin because YES how could he think fili would do this and then you implied that Dis has been raped and now I'm an emotional wreck because this fic gave all the feelings. And your writing was awesome. As usual ^^
oh, Kili thinks. oh, mother.
Thorin’s eyes are dark in the firelight.
“Uncle,” Kili says, and takes Thorin’s hand, squeezes his fingers. “Uncle, no. This isn’t what you think. Fili would never.”
“Kili, you don’t have to defend him,” Thorin says gently. “He abused you, you’re not to blame. He claimed that you asked him to, that it was what you wanted.” And his voice is harder, now, darker, full of memory and regret. “He can’t hurt you, not with ropes round his wrists. He’ll get what’s coming to him, don’t worry.”
Something twists in Kili’s stomach, and he says, low and steady, “I did ask him to.”
Thorin’s eyes are confused. “What?”
Shame curdles in Kili’s gut, and he feels his cheeks heat up. “He was restraining me and mocking me and being a bit of a shit,” he says, “because that’s what I like. He loves me, uncle. He would never hurt me.”
Thorin’s grip falters. “Kili,” he says. “You don’t have to-”
“I’m not covering for him,” Kili interrupts. “I’m not making this up. He’s my one, uncle, and I’m his. He’d rather die.”
And Thorin’s cheeks are suddenly ruddy in the firelight. “You’re telling the truth,” he says bluntly.
Kili just nods. The ringing in his ears has faded almost completely now, and he looks around, sees the camp subdued and looking anywhere but this little huddle of the line of Durin, sees Bombur solemn and not touching his food, Bilbo shocked and horrified - and sees his brother, tossed out at the treeline with his hands pinioned behind his back and a rag stuffed into his mouth. There’s blood dripping in Fili’s eyes, but Kili doesn’t look away. “Let him go,” he says quietly. “Uncle, please.”
Fili’s eyes are pointedly blank when Thorin cuts his bonds away, gaze lowered and gestures almost humble, and he refuses Kili’s offered hand, leaps to his feet and tears the gag out of his mouth, storms off - and Kili finds himself staring at the ground his brother was lying on only a moment before, the ground that’s spotted with blood. His heart aches.
Thorin’s hand on his arm halts him. “I’m sorry,” he says, soft as the wind in the trees. “Tell him that.”
There’s a part of Kili that remembers the hurt hidden in his brother’s face and thinks tell him yourself, you bastard, but he knows that it’s not that simple. Love comes in half a hundred forms, and he says, “I will.”
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Fili’s eyes open, but he doesn’t look at Kili. He says with his anger barely controlled, “How could he think that? How could he think I’d do that?”
Kili thinks of the pain in his mother’s eyes and the fear in Thorin’s voice. “He loves us,” he replies, doesn’t tell the truth that’s not his to tell. “He just... misunderstood.”
Fili turns, slow and ponderous, and for the first time Kili’s notices that the scrap of cloth that was stuffed in his mouth is still in his hand, fingers clenched tight and angry. “I love you,” Fili says, open and honest. “You know that.”
Kili can feel bitemarks and bruises on his neck, a throbbing ache at the back of his head, and he smiles gently and says, “Of course.”
And Fili’s at his side in half a heartbeat, dragging him into his arms and crushing him close, tight and furious and loving. Kili’s heart races because Fili is shaking violently, and he winds his arms around him, doesn’t let go, won’t ever let go. In his ear, Fili hisses, “I would never.”
Kili closes his eyes, doesn’t think about the fear that flooded his heart when he felt his brother being ripped away from him. “I know,” he says. “I know.” And he feels Fili press his nose into his neck, feels Fili’s hands tight in the back of his coat, and he feels nothing but safe. He smiles, looks up at the moon, and winds his fingers through his brother’s hair. “And just so you know,” he says softer, lighter, full of love and affection and nothing has changed. “The gag? Suits you.”
And Fili laughs softly in the brightness of the night.
finis
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this comment will not be coherent or eloquent at all; please forgive me, but alskgnsldkgnskldgnslkdg omfg my only complaint is that you didn't let them go a bit further before they were pulled away from each other
but aww i love that they're so quick to protect each other. the dwarves, i mean. you write everyone so well :|
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:P I'm just cruel like that. Thank you. :)
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This just screams for a sequel with Thorin-Fili and Company-Fili dynamics after this huge misunderstanding *hint, hint ^^*
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