fill: fili/kili: more things in heaven and earth (1/4) WARNING: non-consospesJanuary 21 2013, 14:09:07 UTC
They’re finally alone.
The quest is exhausting, leaving them all drained and quiet in the twilight at the end of a hard day’s ride - except for Bofur, of course, who just tootles on his pipe and reminds them all that it’s the ponies who’re really doing the hard work. Thorin’s reaction is to glower at him pointedly and send him off to collect firewood, before settling down with his back to a treetrunk and letting his eyes shut for a moment - and the moment Kili sees his uncle’s eyes slide shut, their companions bustling around them, Bombur with a mouthful of cheese already and helping his brother build the fire high, he catches his brother’s gaze across the firelight, offers him a wicked little smile that he knows will only end one way.
Fili’s eyes gleam in the firelight, and he tilts his head in the direction of the woods. They’re dark and shadowy and ominous, but Kili never feels anything but safe with his brother by his side - and Fili signs five minutes with a flash of his quick fingers, and Kili feels something warm and heady settle in his gut. Four and a half minutes later, he sees Fili wind his swords up in his bedroll and slip away into the trees, and ninety seconds after that, Kili follows him, heart racing.
With night darkening the sky and the trees leaning in close overhead, it’s hard to see a thing. Kili pauses for a moment, listens to the breeze and the rustling leaves and the soft susurration of his brother’s breathing, slow and steady and full of glee. Warm hands land on his hips, and Kili smiles in the darkness, says, “If I didn’t know better, dear brother, I’d think you were lying in wait for me out here.”
Fili laughs softly, nips at his earlobe, pulls him stumbling backwards. “And if I didn’t know better,” he replies, “I’d think you liked the idea.”
Kili turns around, catches his brother’s hair, wild after a day in the wind and rain, pulls him closer, kisses him hard. “You know me so well,” he murmurs between his lips, smiles at the rumble in Fili’s throat - and before he’s got chance to catch his breath Fili’s whirling him around, pinning him up against a tree, biting at his throat, pressed up close and personal. Kili’s head spins, because he’s been watching his brother from his pony all day, unable to trade the casual touches they spend their lives in-a hand on the back in the forge, a brush of fingertips passing plates at dinner, a quick cheeky kiss when Thorin’s back is turned in the middle of serious council meetings-and the longing is a bittersweet torture. Kili’s hands tighten in Fili’s hair as his brother’s hands make quick work of his trousers, and he hisses a gasp as the chill air hits his thighs.
Fili’s smile is spit-slick and wicked. “Problem?” he whispers, grinds up against him just once, hard and forceful. Kili’s smallclothes are woefully inadequate protection. “Need a hand?”
At that, Kili can’t help but whimper. He knows exactly what his brother is getting at, but he also knows that Fili won’t make good on his teasing for a good long while - because that’s what he likes, what he needs, to be teased to the edge so many times until he’s aching all over and white spots are dancing in his vision, to beg and be denied and have his brother hold him when it’s over, when he’s a shaking mess oversensitised to the point of tears and there’s nothing that matters in the world save them and the earth around them.
Re: fill: fili/kili: more things in heaven and earth (2/4) WARNING: non-consospesJanuary 21 2013, 14:09:27 UTC
Fili laughs against his skin, rubs his palm torturously slowly down Kili’s back, tugs his smallclothes away, teases him with one fingertip, slow and circuitous. Kili bucks against him, yearning for friction because Fili’s braced himself a good half-foot away, keeping Kili in place with his lips and his wandering fingers and the love in his heart. Fili dips the tip of his finger inside, and Kili sees the soft smile on his lips, the affection and the need, and then his brother’s leaning forward, lips hot and wet against the shell of his ear, and Fili says, “Beg me.”
The only noise Kili can manage is a strangled groan.
Fili husks out a laugh, sucks a bruise onto the side of his neck, says again, “Beg. Or you know I’ll leave you like this, and that’s no fun for either of us.”
And all Kili can think is i’ll show you fun. Fili’s fingers are torture, but Kili gathers himself, forces himself to concentrate on the cold air against his bare skin, the brush of Fili’s moustache against his cheek, and he says (with perhaps a little more vehemence in his voice than he intended), “Bastard. Go fuck yourself.”
Fili smiles, and suddenly he’s everywhere, pinning Kili hard against the tree, radiating heat, the muscles of his chest hard and solid, his coat shed before this all even started, and he bites at Kili’s neck, bites hard. Kili’s resulting moan is more pain than pleasure, not that he’s complaining, and Fili’s hands are pinning his wrists to his side and he’s whispering, “I’d rather fuck you. You’ll beg before long, you know you will.”
The only reason Kili’s not grinning a stupid, ecstatic grin right now is because Fili’s tongue is doing wicked things, and all he can manage is a strangled moan. i love you, he thinks dazedly, and feels his brother’s hands tighten around his wrists almost in response-
And then Fili’s crying out, full of shock and pain, and he’s being torn away, hurled to the ground - and Kili’s first thought is no, please, never, and then he’s lunging forward, Fili’s name on his lips, voice full of anger and fear, and he sees a glimpse of a long ginger beard and furious, terrified eyes that look far too much like Thorin’s before there’s a pain in the back of his skull and the darkness rushes up to meet him.
He’s out for a long time, and dreams of Fili yelling his name in fear and the spatter of blood that’s not his own across his face.
“Kili.” There are warm hands on his cheeks, and he can vaguely see a shadow looming over him through his eyelids. The voice is muffled, as if it’s coming from faraway. “Kili, can you hear me?”
Kili’s head is pounding, and when he tries to open his eyes he flinches away from the glow of the firelight. He groans, presses his hands to his eyes. The shadow’s touch is gentle and loving, and Kili says, “Fili?”
The shadow pauses, and the ringing is fading from Kili’s ears now. He squints up, and sees dark hair streaked with iron grey. “He’s gone,” Thorin says, and rubs his thumb tenderly across his cheek. “You’re safe, don’t worry. Bombur got a little too enthusiastic in the struggle, but it’s just a knock on the head. You’ll be fine.”
Kili’s very confused, but he’s remembering, now, remembering Fili being torn away from him, remembering blood streaming down his face from a broken nose and a cut in his hairline, and something goes cold in his stomach. He opens his eyes, ignoring the pain of the light, struggling into a sitting position, grabbing onto Thorin’s arm even as he feels his uncle’s hands supporting him - and he bites out, “Someone hit him, I saw him bleed. What happened? Where is he?”
Re: fill: fili/kili: more things in heaven and earth (3/4) WARNING: non-consospesJanuary 21 2013, 14:09:56 UTC
And he tries to get up, to struggle to his feet, but Thorin holds him in place. His voice is gentle and sickened and so full of anger, and he says, “We noticed the two of you were missing and went looking, and we found your brother... assaulting you in the woods.” Kili’s momentarily too shocked to speak-what? fili? assaulting me? he would never-but Thorin’s grip is suddenly tighter and his lips twist with self-loathing. “I’m so sorry,” he says, and his eyes are shadowed. “Your mother assured me that this was what you wanted, that you had chosen each other. Believe me, if I had known I would never have let him, never have failed you, not again-” Thorin breaks off, and his voice is full of a bitterness and an anger that Kili’s never seen before - but no, because he has seen it before, seen it in his mother’s eyes when she spoke of Frerin, of the uncle Kili barely remembers, the uncle who died in battle at Thorin’s side.
oh, Kili thinks. oh, mother.
Thorin’s eyes are dark in the firelight.
“Uncle,” Kili says, and takes Thorin’s hand, squeezes his fingers. “Uncle, no. This isn’t what you think. Fili would never.”
“Kili, you don’t have to defend him,” Thorin says gently. “He abused you, you’re not to blame. He claimed that you asked him to, that it was what you wanted.” And his voice is harder, now, darker, full of memory and regret. “He can’t hurt you, not with ropes round his wrists. He’ll get what’s coming to him, don’t worry.”
Something twists in Kili’s stomach, and he says, low and steady, “I did ask him to.”
Thorin’s eyes are confused. “What?”
Shame curdles in Kili’s gut, and he feels his cheeks heat up. “He was restraining me and mocking me and being a bit of a shit,” he says, “because that’s what I like. He loves me, uncle. He would never hurt me.”
Thorin’s grip falters. “Kili,” he says. “You don’t have to-”
“I’m not covering for him,” Kili interrupts. “I’m not making this up. He’s my one, uncle, and I’m his. He’d rather die.”
And Thorin’s cheeks are suddenly ruddy in the firelight. “You’re telling the truth,” he says bluntly.
Kili just nods. The ringing in his ears has faded almost completely now, and he looks around, sees the camp subdued and looking anywhere but this little huddle of the line of Durin, sees Bombur solemn and not touching his food, Bilbo shocked and horrified - and sees his brother, tossed out at the treeline with his hands pinioned behind his back and a rag stuffed into his mouth. There’s blood dripping in Fili’s eyes, but Kili doesn’t look away. “Let him go,” he says quietly. “Uncle, please.”
Fili’s eyes are pointedly blank when Thorin cuts his bonds away, gaze lowered and gestures almost humble, and he refuses Kili’s offered hand, leaps to his feet and tears the gag out of his mouth, storms off - and Kili finds himself staring at the ground his brother was lying on only a moment before, the ground that’s spotted with blood. His heart aches.
Thorin’s hand on his arm halts him. “I’m sorry,” he says, soft as the wind in the trees. “Tell him that.”
There’s a part of Kili that remembers the hurt hidden in his brother’s face and thinks tell him yourself, you bastard, but he knows that it’s not that simple. Love comes in half a hundred forms, and he says, “I will.”
Re: fill: fili/kili: more things in heaven and earth (4/4) WARNING: non-consospesJanuary 21 2013, 14:10:13 UTC
He follows Fili’s trail through the trees, follows broken branches and displaced leaves until he finds him in a clearing lit by the moonlight, face upturned towards the sky. Blood is crusted dark on his skin, his lips are parted, and there’s a bruise blackening around his left eye. Kili’s heart thuds in his chest, and he says, “He’s sorry.”
Fili’s eyes open, but he doesn’t look at Kili. He says with his anger barely controlled, “How could he think that? How could he think I’d do that?”
Kili thinks of the pain in his mother’s eyes and the fear in Thorin’s voice. “He loves us,” he replies, doesn’t tell the truth that’s not his to tell. “He just... misunderstood.”
Fili turns, slow and ponderous, and for the first time Kili’s notices that the scrap of cloth that was stuffed in his mouth is still in his hand, fingers clenched tight and angry. “I love you,” Fili says, open and honest. “You know that.”
Kili can feel bitemarks and bruises on his neck, a throbbing ache at the back of his head, and he smiles gently and says, “Of course.”
And Fili’s at his side in half a heartbeat, dragging him into his arms and crushing him close, tight and furious and loving. Kili’s heart races because Fili is shaking violently, and he winds his arms around him, doesn’t let go, won’t ever let go. In his ear, Fili hisses, “I would never.”
Kili closes his eyes, doesn’t think about the fear that flooded his heart when he felt his brother being ripped away from him. “I know,” he says. “I know.” And he feels Fili press his nose into his neck, feels Fili’s hands tight in the back of his coat, and he feels nothing but safe. He smiles, looks up at the moon, and winds his fingers through his brother’s hair. “And just so you know,” he says softer, lighter, full of love and affection and nothing has changed. “The gag? Suits you.”
And Fili laughs softly in the brightness of the night.
Re: fill: fili/kili: more things in heaven and earth (4/4) WARNING: non-consospesJanuary 21 2013, 17:38:29 UTC
omg you write top!fili so well and this was so amazing and awwwww protective dwarves omfg
this comment will not be coherent or eloquent at all; please forgive me, but alskgnsldkgnskldgnslkdg omfg my only complaint is that you didn't let them go a bit further before they were pulled away from each other
but aww i love that they're so quick to protect each other. the dwarves, i mean. you write everyone so well :|
Re: fill: fili/kili: more things in heaven and earth (4/4) WARNING: non-conmelficeJanuary 21 2013, 18:25:17 UTC
Splendid as normal. You handled this delicately, I thought. I really like Kili's gentle thoughts in this - how he's just taken aback that anyone could think Fili would hurt him. Thank you for sharing :)
Re: fill: fili/kili: more things in heaven and earth (4/4) WARNING: non-consospesJanuary 21 2013, 21:14:53 UTC
Potentially, yeah. I was thinking about why Thorin (because he wouldn't exactly let the rest of the company act against his wishes) would react so badly without clarifying the situation first, and prior experience with a similar situation was the first thing that came to mind. Idk. :) Thank you.
Re: fill: fili/kili: more things in heaven and earth (4/4) WARNING: non-consospesJanuary 21 2013, 21:26:36 UTC
Holy flipping emotional rollercoaster ride. Hot, so hot, then doused with cold water, then horror at hurt bbs, then anger, then more horror, then hopefulness. Emotional exhaustion = great fic.
Re: fill: fili/kili: more things in heaven and earth (4/4) WARNING: non-con3ngelJanuary 21 2013, 23:19:59 UTC
First I was so angry with Thorin because YES how could he think fili would do this and then you implied that Dis has been raped and now I'm an emotional wreck because this fic gave all the feelings. And your writing was awesome. As usual ^^
The quest is exhausting, leaving them all drained and quiet in the twilight at the end of a hard day’s ride - except for Bofur, of course, who just tootles on his pipe and reminds them all that it’s the ponies who’re really doing the hard work. Thorin’s reaction is to glower at him pointedly and send him off to collect firewood, before settling down with his back to a treetrunk and letting his eyes shut for a moment - and the moment Kili sees his uncle’s eyes slide shut, their companions bustling around them, Bombur with a mouthful of cheese already and helping his brother build the fire high, he catches his brother’s gaze across the firelight, offers him a wicked little smile that he knows will only end one way.
Fili’s eyes gleam in the firelight, and he tilts his head in the direction of the woods. They’re dark and shadowy and ominous, but Kili never feels anything but safe with his brother by his side - and Fili signs five minutes with a flash of his quick fingers, and Kili feels something warm and heady settle in his gut. Four and a half minutes later, he sees Fili wind his swords up in his bedroll and slip away into the trees, and ninety seconds after that, Kili follows him, heart racing.
With night darkening the sky and the trees leaning in close overhead, it’s hard to see a thing. Kili pauses for a moment, listens to the breeze and the rustling leaves and the soft susurration of his brother’s breathing, slow and steady and full of glee. Warm hands land on his hips, and Kili smiles in the darkness, says, “If I didn’t know better, dear brother, I’d think you were lying in wait for me out here.”
Fili laughs softly, nips at his earlobe, pulls him stumbling backwards. “And if I didn’t know better,” he replies, “I’d think you liked the idea.”
Kili turns around, catches his brother’s hair, wild after a day in the wind and rain, pulls him closer, kisses him hard. “You know me so well,” he murmurs between his lips, smiles at the rumble in Fili’s throat - and before he’s got chance to catch his breath Fili’s whirling him around, pinning him up against a tree, biting at his throat, pressed up close and personal. Kili’s head spins, because he’s been watching his brother from his pony all day, unable to trade the casual touches they spend their lives in-a hand on the back in the forge, a brush of fingertips passing plates at dinner, a quick cheeky kiss when Thorin’s back is turned in the middle of serious council meetings-and the longing is a bittersweet torture. Kili’s hands tighten in Fili’s hair as his brother’s hands make quick work of his trousers, and he hisses a gasp as the chill air hits his thighs.
Fili’s smile is spit-slick and wicked. “Problem?” he whispers, grinds up against him just once, hard and forceful. Kili’s smallclothes are woefully inadequate protection. “Need a hand?”
At that, Kili can’t help but whimper. He knows exactly what his brother is getting at, but he also knows that Fili won’t make good on his teasing for a good long while - because that’s what he likes, what he needs, to be teased to the edge so many times until he’s aching all over and white spots are dancing in his vision, to beg and be denied and have his brother hold him when it’s over, when he’s a shaking mess oversensitised to the point of tears and there’s nothing that matters in the world save them and the earth around them.
Kili’s already dizzy. It’s been too long.
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The only noise Kili can manage is a strangled groan.
Fili husks out a laugh, sucks a bruise onto the side of his neck, says again, “Beg. Or you know I’ll leave you like this, and that’s no fun for either of us.”
And all Kili can think is i’ll show you fun. Fili’s fingers are torture, but Kili gathers himself, forces himself to concentrate on the cold air against his bare skin, the brush of Fili’s moustache against his cheek, and he says (with perhaps a little more vehemence in his voice than he intended), “Bastard. Go fuck yourself.”
Fili smiles, and suddenly he’s everywhere, pinning Kili hard against the tree, radiating heat, the muscles of his chest hard and solid, his coat shed before this all even started, and he bites at Kili’s neck, bites hard. Kili’s resulting moan is more pain than pleasure, not that he’s complaining, and Fili’s hands are pinning his wrists to his side and he’s whispering, “I’d rather fuck you. You’ll beg before long, you know you will.”
The only reason Kili’s not grinning a stupid, ecstatic grin right now is because Fili’s tongue is doing wicked things, and all he can manage is a strangled moan. i love you, he thinks dazedly, and feels his brother’s hands tighten around his wrists almost in response-
And then Fili’s crying out, full of shock and pain, and he’s being torn away, hurled to the ground - and Kili’s first thought is no, please, never, and then he’s lunging forward, Fili’s name on his lips, voice full of anger and fear, and he sees a glimpse of a long ginger beard and furious, terrified eyes that look far too much like Thorin’s before there’s a pain in the back of his skull and the darkness rushes up to meet him.
He’s out for a long time, and dreams of Fili yelling his name in fear and the spatter of blood that’s not his own across his face.
“Kili.” There are warm hands on his cheeks, and he can vaguely see a shadow looming over him through his eyelids. The voice is muffled, as if it’s coming from faraway. “Kili, can you hear me?”
Kili’s head is pounding, and when he tries to open his eyes he flinches away from the glow of the firelight. He groans, presses his hands to his eyes. The shadow’s touch is gentle and loving, and Kili says, “Fili?”
The shadow pauses, and the ringing is fading from Kili’s ears now. He squints up, and sees dark hair streaked with iron grey. “He’s gone,” Thorin says, and rubs his thumb tenderly across his cheek. “You’re safe, don’t worry. Bombur got a little too enthusiastic in the struggle, but it’s just a knock on the head. You’ll be fine.”
Kili’s very confused, but he’s remembering, now, remembering Fili being torn away from him, remembering blood streaming down his face from a broken nose and a cut in his hairline, and something goes cold in his stomach. He opens his eyes, ignoring the pain of the light, struggling into a sitting position, grabbing onto Thorin’s arm even as he feels his uncle’s hands supporting him - and he bites out, “Someone hit him, I saw him bleed. What happened? Where is he?”
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oh, Kili thinks. oh, mother.
Thorin’s eyes are dark in the firelight.
“Uncle,” Kili says, and takes Thorin’s hand, squeezes his fingers. “Uncle, no. This isn’t what you think. Fili would never.”
“Kili, you don’t have to defend him,” Thorin says gently. “He abused you, you’re not to blame. He claimed that you asked him to, that it was what you wanted.” And his voice is harder, now, darker, full of memory and regret. “He can’t hurt you, not with ropes round his wrists. He’ll get what’s coming to him, don’t worry.”
Something twists in Kili’s stomach, and he says, low and steady, “I did ask him to.”
Thorin’s eyes are confused. “What?”
Shame curdles in Kili’s gut, and he feels his cheeks heat up. “He was restraining me and mocking me and being a bit of a shit,” he says, “because that’s what I like. He loves me, uncle. He would never hurt me.”
Thorin’s grip falters. “Kili,” he says. “You don’t have to-”
“I’m not covering for him,” Kili interrupts. “I’m not making this up. He’s my one, uncle, and I’m his. He’d rather die.”
And Thorin’s cheeks are suddenly ruddy in the firelight. “You’re telling the truth,” he says bluntly.
Kili just nods. The ringing in his ears has faded almost completely now, and he looks around, sees the camp subdued and looking anywhere but this little huddle of the line of Durin, sees Bombur solemn and not touching his food, Bilbo shocked and horrified - and sees his brother, tossed out at the treeline with his hands pinioned behind his back and a rag stuffed into his mouth. There’s blood dripping in Fili’s eyes, but Kili doesn’t look away. “Let him go,” he says quietly. “Uncle, please.”
Fili’s eyes are pointedly blank when Thorin cuts his bonds away, gaze lowered and gestures almost humble, and he refuses Kili’s offered hand, leaps to his feet and tears the gag out of his mouth, storms off - and Kili finds himself staring at the ground his brother was lying on only a moment before, the ground that’s spotted with blood. His heart aches.
Thorin’s hand on his arm halts him. “I’m sorry,” he says, soft as the wind in the trees. “Tell him that.”
There’s a part of Kili that remembers the hurt hidden in his brother’s face and thinks tell him yourself, you bastard, but he knows that it’s not that simple. Love comes in half a hundred forms, and he says, “I will.”
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Fili’s eyes open, but he doesn’t look at Kili. He says with his anger barely controlled, “How could he think that? How could he think I’d do that?”
Kili thinks of the pain in his mother’s eyes and the fear in Thorin’s voice. “He loves us,” he replies, doesn’t tell the truth that’s not his to tell. “He just... misunderstood.”
Fili turns, slow and ponderous, and for the first time Kili’s notices that the scrap of cloth that was stuffed in his mouth is still in his hand, fingers clenched tight and angry. “I love you,” Fili says, open and honest. “You know that.”
Kili can feel bitemarks and bruises on his neck, a throbbing ache at the back of his head, and he smiles gently and says, “Of course.”
And Fili’s at his side in half a heartbeat, dragging him into his arms and crushing him close, tight and furious and loving. Kili’s heart races because Fili is shaking violently, and he winds his arms around him, doesn’t let go, won’t ever let go. In his ear, Fili hisses, “I would never.”
Kili closes his eyes, doesn’t think about the fear that flooded his heart when he felt his brother being ripped away from him. “I know,” he says. “I know.” And he feels Fili press his nose into his neck, feels Fili’s hands tight in the back of his coat, and he feels nothing but safe. He smiles, looks up at the moon, and winds his fingers through his brother’s hair. “And just so you know,” he says softer, lighter, full of love and affection and nothing has changed. “The gag? Suits you.”
And Fili laughs softly in the brightness of the night.
finis
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this comment will not be coherent or eloquent at all; please forgive me, but alskgnsldkgnskldgnslkdg omfg my only complaint is that you didn't let them go a bit further before they were pulled away from each other
but aww i love that they're so quick to protect each other. the dwarves, i mean. you write everyone so well :|
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:P I'm just cruel like that. Thank you. :)
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