the leaves are doing it!
Between January and October... what the hell?! I don't even know the last time I checked LiveJournal. No kidding. I had to reset my password because I couldn't remember what it was!
So much has happened between January and October 11th. No point really in backlogging it all, but the important stuff is that I am trying to change.
I am trying to be a different person... and in some ways it's GOOD. I am not trying to change my core. I am just trying to be more true to the person I am. It started because of Gustav. I stopped at a gas station in Jackson and I ended up buying a homeless man a cup of coffee, a bag of chips (that's what he wanted... I told him to get some bread or crackers or peanut butter or anything), and a pack of cigarettes. He reminded me of how I want to be a humanist, how I CLAIM to be a humanist. That day reminded me of that person I was 18 years ago. The one who loved everyone unconditionally.
I want her back.
I want to be her again. And I've been talking to someone interesting since about a week before Gustav who keeps reminding me of Tim McGraw's song "Live like you're Dying." So I've been doing things that most people in my life think is obscure and NOT me
- yes, I've been smoking... it helps me remember to BREATH. i know some of you hate it about me and think i am killing myself, but for now i am doing it to settle my mind and bring myself back to certain people and things from my past
- i am answering my phone and texting people. people matter to me and i need to be connected to my people.
- i walked the NO/AIDS walk by myself. i didn't want to be by myself, but it was more important to me to do it, even if i was alone, than to not do it at all.. it reminded me of a different time in my life
- i am trying to cry when i need to. i found out a previous boss of mine hung himself, and instead of bottling it up and not meeting my feelings head on, i am letting my emotions flow. when i need to stop and be sad, i am.
- i am not grading my papers. this is a bad thing. i really need to be focusing on my students, but i don't want to be consumed by my students either. so i have to figure out a way to put that in perspective still. i am working on that though
- i am going to virginia to see my fam for a few days for the first time since february 2003. i am a wreck about this, but hopefully i won't be there long enough for too much damage to be done. i need to MEET some of my cousins and see my grandparents.
that's all i got right now though. it's not really anything important and yet it's important to me. i will try to check with this more regularly.
So much has happened between January and October 11th. No point really in backlogging it all, but the important stuff is that I am trying to change.
I am trying to be a different person... and in some ways it's GOOD. I am not trying to change my core. I am just trying to be more true to the person I am. It started because of Gustav. I stopped at a gas station in Jackson and I ended up buying a homeless man a cup of coffee, a bag of chips (that's what he wanted... I told him to get some bread or crackers or peanut butter or anything), and a pack of cigarettes. He reminded me of how I want to be a humanist, how I CLAIM to be a humanist. That day reminded me of that person I was 18 years ago. The one who loved everyone unconditionally.
I want her back.
I want to be her again. And I've been talking to someone interesting since about a week before Gustav who keeps reminding me of Tim McGraw's song "Live like you're Dying." So I've been doing things that most people in my life think is obscure and NOT me
- yes, I've been smoking... it helps me remember to BREATH. i know some of you hate it about me and think i am killing myself, but for now i am doing it to settle my mind and bring myself back to certain people and things from my past
- i am answering my phone and texting people. people matter to me and i need to be connected to my people.
- i walked the NO/AIDS walk by myself. i didn't want to be by myself, but it was more important to me to do it, even if i was alone, than to not do it at all.. it reminded me of a different time in my life
- i am trying to cry when i need to. i found out a previous boss of mine hung himself, and instead of bottling it up and not meeting my feelings head on, i am letting my emotions flow. when i need to stop and be sad, i am.
- i am not grading my papers. this is a bad thing. i really need to be focusing on my students, but i don't want to be consumed by my students either. so i have to figure out a way to put that in perspective still. i am working on that though
- i am going to virginia to see my fam for a few days for the first time since february 2003. i am a wreck about this, but hopefully i won't be there long enough for too much damage to be done. i need to MEET some of my cousins and see my grandparents.
that's all i got right now though. it's not really anything important and yet it's important to me. i will try to check with this more regularly.