(no subject)
So, basically, I'm seven kinds of crazy. Seriously. Mostly, it's just harmless stuff like getting incredibly claustrophobic when my arms or legs are held down in any fashion. Then, there's the bigger stuff, like probably having what they like to call depression. I'm not just saying that I'm sorta bummed from time to time, I think it might be a tad more substantial, and there's certainly a history of it in my family. There's basically a history of everything in my family, for that matter. There are lots of alcoholics on both sides; we've got cancer, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and apparently depression. In any event, I've probably been dealing with this since roughly my senior year of high school at least, and it's been kinda recurrent ever since: a few times freshman year, around November sophomore year, and now off and on since September. It's been particularly bad for the past few weeks. Naturally, it's often set off by actual bad things--though not always--but the whatnot lasts well beyond what would be reasonable for the severity of the issue. And, of course, there's the no motivation thing. Now, there are parts of me that still feel like this is just me being a whiny little idiot; it's not as though my life is so terribly bad, so what right do I have to feel this way? Of course, if it is in fact full-on depression, that has very little to do with it.
Anyway, so there's been that for a while now, and in the process I keep hurting the people--or, to be more accurate--the person who is trying to help me. The problem is that there's not really anything that anyone can really do to help, so the person who does sorta ends up getting caught in all the crazy and it never ends well.
I'm supposed to be seeing a doctor or rather a psychiatrist about all this, but at the moment the appointment is scheduled for the 13 of April. That's a long time, and after a night like tonight, I don't really know if I can make it that long.
To jump around, I learned today that some of the people around me have been expressing some degree of concern of late, so I guess that's kinda good to hear. I had generally assumed that no one really cared one way or the other, or that they would just shrug it off as foolishness. Maybe they do, who knows. I also discovered that I really hate being right about certain other things. It always sucks when you tell yourself that you're just being silly about something and then you realize that you were, in fact, correct.
So, I'm sorry that this hasn't been much fun to read for the past few weeks. I'll wait until it does before I write again, though. This thing is getting way to whiny, and that was not at all the idea.
Anyway, so there's been that for a while now, and in the process I keep hurting the people--or, to be more accurate--the person who is trying to help me. The problem is that there's not really anything that anyone can really do to help, so the person who does sorta ends up getting caught in all the crazy and it never ends well.
I'm supposed to be seeing a doctor or rather a psychiatrist about all this, but at the moment the appointment is scheduled for the 13 of April. That's a long time, and after a night like tonight, I don't really know if I can make it that long.
To jump around, I learned today that some of the people around me have been expressing some degree of concern of late, so I guess that's kinda good to hear. I had generally assumed that no one really cared one way or the other, or that they would just shrug it off as foolishness. Maybe they do, who knows. I also discovered that I really hate being right about certain other things. It always sucks when you tell yourself that you're just being silly about something and then you realize that you were, in fact, correct.
So, I'm sorry that this hasn't been much fun to read for the past few weeks. I'll wait until it does before I write again, though. This thing is getting way to whiny, and that was not at all the idea.