After 23
So my birthday was Friday. Most 'presents' I got earlier, through either necessity or family offering to pay for stuff I bought as early presents. Of the two things I bought myself, one arrived early and the other still has not arrived.
I got up in the morning and basically laid in bed. Finally worked my way out of bed after a while and tried on one of the presents I had gotten, since it was clothing. It took me a rather long time to get it to fit just right, to where I was satisfied with it. Though sadly about an hour later I noticed an imperfection which spiraled me into a deep depression.
The rest of the day was spent either being forced to drive dozens of miles outside of my area for work, and being told I treat my family terribly. Other than that, most people that I know and are friends with are either outside of my area that I can feasibly hang out with.. Or were busy. Most of the people I knew had plans for Friday night, and a lot of them didn't even wish me a happy birthday. I know I can't expect people to schedule their lives around me... But still. I'd wish them a happy birthday if they would tell me what day their birthdays were on!
When I had free time, I spent it laying in bed depressed out of my mind. It's very sad that something very small can set me off and into a severe depression. Like, lay in bed and contemplate suicide.
I feel like I'm a failure. I know what I want to do with my life, well. I'm pretty sure. Not 100%... But I know what I'd like to do. I'm sure I need more experience and experimentation to make sure... Unfortunately I can't do that just yet, but I have taken steps to do so.
My problem is that I feel like I'm wasting time, money, stress, etc on this and it's not going to pan out. I'm scared. I WANT it to work. It's something I really want to happen. I just have this sinking feeling that I'm a goddamn mother fucking failure, and I'm not going to be able to do it.. It'll be Australia all over again. Where I prepare and get all gung ho and do it and end up being 3000 dollars in the hole, after having 5000 in the bank when I started.
I need a shrink. Both for my depression, and for my other issues.
I got up in the morning and basically laid in bed. Finally worked my way out of bed after a while and tried on one of the presents I had gotten, since it was clothing. It took me a rather long time to get it to fit just right, to where I was satisfied with it. Though sadly about an hour later I noticed an imperfection which spiraled me into a deep depression.
The rest of the day was spent either being forced to drive dozens of miles outside of my area for work, and being told I treat my family terribly. Other than that, most people that I know and are friends with are either outside of my area that I can feasibly hang out with.. Or were busy. Most of the people I knew had plans for Friday night, and a lot of them didn't even wish me a happy birthday. I know I can't expect people to schedule their lives around me... But still. I'd wish them a happy birthday if they would tell me what day their birthdays were on!
When I had free time, I spent it laying in bed depressed out of my mind. It's very sad that something very small can set me off and into a severe depression. Like, lay in bed and contemplate suicide.
I feel like I'm a failure. I know what I want to do with my life, well. I'm pretty sure. Not 100%... But I know what I'd like to do. I'm sure I need more experience and experimentation to make sure... Unfortunately I can't do that just yet, but I have taken steps to do so.
My problem is that I feel like I'm wasting time, money, stress, etc on this and it's not going to pan out. I'm scared. I WANT it to work. It's something I really want to happen. I just have this sinking feeling that I'm a goddamn mother fucking failure, and I'm not going to be able to do it.. It'll be Australia all over again. Where I prepare and get all gung ho and do it and end up being 3000 dollars in the hole, after having 5000 in the bank when I started.
I need a shrink. Both for my depression, and for my other issues.