Family Disfunctions
Perhaps it's a bit late to write about this but I feel I should anyways. Flash back to last week.
Without getting into any extremely personal bits. My grandmother has absolutely no idea what I want in life. A few days ago she was giving me a verbal list of ways I had begun to grow and mature and get more masculine. It made me feel sick. I was rather depressed from her little list, to the point of lethargy for two days or so. Just.. Sleeping and laying around all day long...
On Saturday I went to my aunt's house for the holiday, and because it was my cousin's 6th birthday. I just want you to know it's very strange living in a family where every single one of your relatives is female. Obviously, I have a father and uncle and grandfather. But, well. My parents are divorced and I block out as much of my father as possible, and my uncle and grandfather are rarely active in my personal life. Anyways, some comments were funny and made me think, and I think my aunt is surprisingly in tune with the way I think, though she probably has no idea about it at all.
On Sunday I was kind of blackmailed into visiting my father's side of the family. It was.. I've been to more exciting funerals. I got there, sat down. The family asked a handful of questions about college and my job. Some of them didn't even say hi or acknowledge I was there. Let alone talk to each other. It wasn't really a family so much as it was a collection of people who happened to be related all in the same house without talking. I fell asleep there, for like.. An hour probably. It was rather sad. That they are all my family. It's no wonder I want nothing to do with them. At least my mother's side of the family talks and makes jokes. My father's it's like being in a morgue. It's rather sad.
All in all, after my grandmother's comments a few days ago, and some discussions with a few of my friends... I have decided that I really REALLY need to see a therapist. I have a few things on my mind that I can't answer myself, I need a professional's help. Because I haven't been able to get the thoughts out, and the questions in my mind are not answered, they are left hanging open. I need to know the answers to them, and I need someone's help to find out whether it's a yes or a no....
Without getting into any extremely personal bits. My grandmother has absolutely no idea what I want in life. A few days ago she was giving me a verbal list of ways I had begun to grow and mature and get more masculine. It made me feel sick. I was rather depressed from her little list, to the point of lethargy for two days or so. Just.. Sleeping and laying around all day long...
On Saturday I went to my aunt's house for the holiday, and because it was my cousin's 6th birthday. I just want you to know it's very strange living in a family where every single one of your relatives is female. Obviously, I have a father and uncle and grandfather. But, well. My parents are divorced and I block out as much of my father as possible, and my uncle and grandfather are rarely active in my personal life. Anyways, some comments were funny and made me think, and I think my aunt is surprisingly in tune with the way I think, though she probably has no idea about it at all.
On Sunday I was kind of blackmailed into visiting my father's side of the family. It was.. I've been to more exciting funerals. I got there, sat down. The family asked a handful of questions about college and my job. Some of them didn't even say hi or acknowledge I was there. Let alone talk to each other. It wasn't really a family so much as it was a collection of people who happened to be related all in the same house without talking. I fell asleep there, for like.. An hour probably. It was rather sad. That they are all my family. It's no wonder I want nothing to do with them. At least my mother's side of the family talks and makes jokes. My father's it's like being in a morgue. It's rather sad.
All in all, after my grandmother's comments a few days ago, and some discussions with a few of my friends... I have decided that I really REALLY need to see a therapist. I have a few things on my mind that I can't answer myself, I need a professional's help. Because I haven't been able to get the thoughts out, and the questions in my mind are not answered, they are left hanging open. I need to know the answers to them, and I need someone's help to find out whether it's a yes or a no....