Brain Jam
This is what is going on in my brain... *much* of the time. Far too often. This is what makes me so inefficient and unreliable:
"I want to write fic but it's six a.m. so I need to try to sleep because tomorrow today I have to clean the flat, call prospective employers, take care of my subscription, take care of the TBFC trip, and the trip to Copenhagen, and find out if it's okay to stop over in Hannover and Kiel, and make an appointment with my doctor about how I can't sleep and all this other shit, and my mum wants to go shopping with me on Friday and there's the FS dinner, and that's another day lost for all the things I need to do and oh god I miss R I need to reply to her mail I miss D I need to contact her I miss C I need to contact her I miss N I need to call him I miss A I need to call her I miss K I need to e-mail her and hell I miss (other) A and K and (other) N and (other) R and I'd like to see A again, too, and meet S, and ask (other) S if she's still coming to Frankfurt, and ask M about the pictures and contact F about last month and call my grandparents and my aunt and uncle and make that gift for my cousin's little son and there's that many-years-old half-finished gift for D, too, and god, all the unfinished jewellery, for my mum, for E, for my aunt, for S, and I won't be able to get to any of that in the next three days or so with all the crap I have to do today and my mum wanting to go shopping (and I *need* that sleeping bag, too), and the Greenpeace action and a homework assignment due on Saturday evening, and the radio meeting on Sunday, and then there's the heap of unopened letters on my desk that's been there for weeks, and I haven't written a job application in *weeks*, and there's so much fandom stuff I never get around to, the archive, the recs journal, the fic recs, the websites, the vidding, the vid collecting, the vid organising, and so many people I'm losing touch with, I need to contact so many people but I need to take care of fixing the door of the chest of drawers, too, and take my old laptop to be recycled and my old medications and old batteries to be disposed of, and take care of my financial mess, and find a job, and another job, and an internship, and another internship, and I need to contact 350.org and tell them why I bailed last year, and contact S and tell her why I never contacted her, and do that other homework, and the next one, and buy shoes that don't have holes and that I'm not allergic to, and backup my LJ and shit, I need to contact my job coach but first make that list she told me to make, and I need to find out if I'm entitled to any kind of financial help, too, and I need to find out about that taxes thing, and I think I forgot to pay my dues with the SFCD and the DTG this year and I really need to fix that and contact the DTG people especially, and my bike's still broken, and I need to learn Excel, and work on my Spanish, and my French, and I should make an appointment with the dentist, and reply to E's e-mail and F's e-mail and read at least *some* people's Ljs, especially a few I'm really worried about, but then there's still so much job hunting to do and I haven't done any goldsmithing in months and I need to finish those gifts and get more effective about climate change, and prepare content for the radio show, and do my homework, and do the laundry and the dishes, and.... (repeat ad infinitum)"
"I want to write fic but it's six a.m. so I need to try to sleep because tomorrow today I have to clean the flat, call prospective employers, take care of my subscription, take care of the TBFC trip, and the trip to Copenhagen, and find out if it's okay to stop over in Hannover and Kiel, and make an appointment with my doctor about how I can't sleep and all this other shit, and my mum wants to go shopping with me on Friday and there's the FS dinner, and that's another day lost for all the things I need to do and oh god I miss R I need to reply to her mail I miss D I need to contact her I miss C I need to contact her I miss N I need to call him I miss A I need to call her I miss K I need to e-mail her and hell I miss (other) A and K and (other) N and (other) R and I'd like to see A again, too, and meet S, and ask (other) S if she's still coming to Frankfurt, and ask M about the pictures and contact F about last month and call my grandparents and my aunt and uncle and make that gift for my cousin's little son and there's that many-years-old half-finished gift for D, too, and god, all the unfinished jewellery, for my mum, for E, for my aunt, for S, and I won't be able to get to any of that in the next three days or so with all the crap I have to do today and my mum wanting to go shopping (and I *need* that sleeping bag, too), and the Greenpeace action and a homework assignment due on Saturday evening, and the radio meeting on Sunday, and then there's the heap of unopened letters on my desk that's been there for weeks, and I haven't written a job application in *weeks*, and there's so much fandom stuff I never get around to, the archive, the recs journal, the fic recs, the websites, the vidding, the vid collecting, the vid organising, and so many people I'm losing touch with, I need to contact so many people but I need to take care of fixing the door of the chest of drawers, too, and take my old laptop to be recycled and my old medications and old batteries to be disposed of, and take care of my financial mess, and find a job, and another job, and an internship, and another internship, and I need to contact 350.org and tell them why I bailed last year, and contact S and tell her why I never contacted her, and do that other homework, and the next one, and buy shoes that don't have holes and that I'm not allergic to, and backup my LJ and shit, I need to contact my job coach but first make that list she told me to make, and I need to find out if I'm entitled to any kind of financial help, too, and I need to find out about that taxes thing, and I think I forgot to pay my dues with the SFCD and the DTG this year and I really need to fix that and contact the DTG people especially, and my bike's still broken, and I need to learn Excel, and work on my Spanish, and my French, and I should make an appointment with the dentist, and reply to E's e-mail and F's e-mail and read at least *some* people's Ljs, especially a few I'm really worried about, but then there's still so much job hunting to do and I haven't done any goldsmithing in months and I need to finish those gifts and get more effective about climate change, and prepare content for the radio show, and do my homework, and do the laundry and the dishes, and.... (repeat ad infinitum)"