Some notes about cons and my self-definition/self-esteem
(copied from my notebook, into which I scribbled this during FilkContinental this weekend.)
But first, a few words about the fun to be found in getting rained on and laughed at in the city of Cologne.
(I probably should have written something about last week's FS-Weekend, but I'll leave that for another time.)
We were more than we expected. I would have expected 6, maybe 10 of us. In the end, there were 16, including a family four heads strong from Berlin, and three very unexpected Scapers in black leather coats and Save Farscape t-shirts. There was a slight misunderstanding as to the size and nature of our event. All parties involved were highly amused as a result to this - both our tiny bunch of protesters, and the two policemen sent to... well, to do what exactly?
We spent a few hours standing in the rain handing out flyers - designed by me - to the passersby. Some special mentions:
- The lederhosen guy.
Nager: "Do you like SF?'
Lederhosen Guy: "I have my lederhosen, that's enough."
Yeah, I can totally see that logic. He was nice about it, though, not unfriendly.
(Note to our international friends: Usually, most Germans do not wear lederhosen outside of Bavaria. I don't know what the guy was doing wearing them in Cologne.)
- The guy who simply turned and *ran* away when Nager tried to explain Farscape to him.
Nager: "I think I'm going to cry now."
Honourable mention for extreme coolness: Hurrie's mom and little sister and brother who increased our numbers by an unexpected 3.
The whole crazy event was unexpectedly fun, despite the terrible weather and the strange gazes. We knew from the outset that the rally was pretty useless, and was merely a show of support for our fighting Scapers in the US. As such, it was well-documented by dozens of photos and we'll soon put up a website with pics of the rally and the previous weekend.
***
All right, back to the con thoughts. Right now I am sitting in the outer reaches of a filk circle, harmonious soft voices and guitar chords wash over me. I know no one here, and I am neither a filker nor a musician of any kind. Still, I belong, more or less. Although there are no Scapers here, these people look at me with understanding when I display signs of emotinonal distress at the dying (I'm not yet willing to proclaim it entirely dead) of Farscape. When I apologise, they tell me it's okay, because 'where else can you talk about a thing like that if not on a filk con?' They understand obsessions with stories and universes, I reckon.
The songs are doing strange things to me. Although there doesn't seem to be a single FS filk in existence this side of the Atlantic, and precious few filkers who even know the show or have had the patience to follow it through Sat1's scheduling escapades, somehow each sad song, and most of them were sad, all dripping with that special kind of pathos that only SF and fantasy can provide, well, as I said, every song seemed to connect to FS for me, and I had to fight not to break into tears several times.
Frell, Kemper, you hooked me good.
***
They're still singing. The music sounds like simple folk. You have to listen to the lyrics to understand it's really something different. Listening to the music, I remember Nager explaining to the reporter from SF-Radio that 'we are all freaks' - as if he felt a special need to make sure there would be absolutely no mistake about that. Not that there was much danger of anyone missing that fact...
***
I need to interrupt these musings for a short announcement of pain. It's been four weeks now since FS's cancellation, and the pain. just. won't. go. away.
***
On a more positive note. These past four weeks, the FS community has been very close, and I have probably not been the only one who's been overwhelmed with love for at least their most immediate co-Scapers. I had incredibly warm fuzzy feelings for everybody today, and I know they were reciprocated at least by Claudia, who professed to not being able to imagine her life without us anymore.
****
(Written on Saturday, 5th of October 2002)
But first, a few words about the fun to be found in getting rained on and laughed at in the city of Cologne.
(I probably should have written something about last week's FS-Weekend, but I'll leave that for another time.)
We were more than we expected. I would have expected 6, maybe 10 of us. In the end, there were 16, including a family four heads strong from Berlin, and three very unexpected Scapers in black leather coats and Save Farscape t-shirts. There was a slight misunderstanding as to the size and nature of our event. All parties involved were highly amused as a result to this - both our tiny bunch of protesters, and the two policemen sent to... well, to do what exactly?
We spent a few hours standing in the rain handing out flyers - designed by me - to the passersby. Some special mentions:
- The lederhosen guy.
Nager: "Do you like SF?'
Lederhosen Guy: "I have my lederhosen, that's enough."
Yeah, I can totally see that logic. He was nice about it, though, not unfriendly.
(Note to our international friends: Usually, most Germans do not wear lederhosen outside of Bavaria. I don't know what the guy was doing wearing them in Cologne.)
- The guy who simply turned and *ran* away when Nager tried to explain Farscape to him.
Nager: "I think I'm going to cry now."
Honourable mention for extreme coolness: Hurrie's mom and little sister and brother who increased our numbers by an unexpected 3.
The whole crazy event was unexpectedly fun, despite the terrible weather and the strange gazes. We knew from the outset that the rally was pretty useless, and was merely a show of support for our fighting Scapers in the US. As such, it was well-documented by dozens of photos and we'll soon put up a website with pics of the rally and the previous weekend.
***
All right, back to the con thoughts. Right now I am sitting in the outer reaches of a filk circle, harmonious soft voices and guitar chords wash over me. I know no one here, and I am neither a filker nor a musician of any kind. Still, I belong, more or less. Although there are no Scapers here, these people look at me with understanding when I display signs of emotinonal distress at the dying (I'm not yet willing to proclaim it entirely dead) of Farscape. When I apologise, they tell me it's okay, because 'where else can you talk about a thing like that if not on a filk con?' They understand obsessions with stories and universes, I reckon.
The songs are doing strange things to me. Although there doesn't seem to be a single FS filk in existence this side of the Atlantic, and precious few filkers who even know the show or have had the patience to follow it through Sat1's scheduling escapades, somehow each sad song, and most of them were sad, all dripping with that special kind of pathos that only SF and fantasy can provide, well, as I said, every song seemed to connect to FS for me, and I had to fight not to break into tears several times.
Frell, Kemper, you hooked me good.
***
They're still singing. The music sounds like simple folk. You have to listen to the lyrics to understand it's really something different. Listening to the music, I remember Nager explaining to the reporter from SF-Radio that 'we are all freaks' - as if he felt a special need to make sure there would be absolutely no mistake about that. Not that there was much danger of anyone missing that fact...
***
I need to interrupt these musings for a short announcement of pain. It's been four weeks now since FS's cancellation, and the pain. just. won't. go. away.
***
On a more positive note. These past four weeks, the FS community has been very close, and I have probably not been the only one who's been overwhelmed with love for at least their most immediate co-Scapers. I had incredibly warm fuzzy feelings for everybody today, and I know they were reciprocated at least by Claudia, who professed to not being able to imagine her life without us anymore.
****
(Written on Saturday, 5th of October 2002)