I feel like I'm still recovering from an illness...
... the illness of archaeology. ;-)
I've been kind of busy with Real Life stuff (visiting family, meeting friends) the last couple of days, and when I haven't been busy with that kind of thing I've mostly spent my time going through *all* the many, many stacks of paper consisting of uni notes, ancient to-do-lists, 'official' letters/documents, long-neglected personal communications, personal notes, fandom notes, story ideas... sorting them, and throwing *a lot* of stuff out. It feels so good, I can't begin to describe it. Every stack of paper that goes is a weight lifted from my soul. I'm almost done now - maybe a couple more hours and then I'll be 'free' of years and years of paper backlog. Feels as if my mind is clearing at the same rate...
I've compiled a new 'master to-do-list' from all my old to-do-lists, and it's still massive, but slightly less scary than before because it's all on one list now. I plan to get all the 'easy' stuff on it done this week, just to shorten it a bit. Of course, the 'easy' stuff isn't really what's the problem in my life, but still, it will feel good to strike something like ten to fifteen items off the list. :-)
And then, of course, I need to get started on the next big essay, the Marcuse one. Difficult, but also kind of intriguing, so I'm kind of looking forward to that.
**
The bad news is that my writing neurosis reared its head again today. That's the "OMG, I can't read this story; it looks too good in ways that are too close to the kind of things I want to do with my own fiction but can't" neurosis, for those who were wondering. ;-) The last time it struck it put me off reading fanfic entirely for three years. I'm slightly less neurotic now than I was, so I don't think I'll react this extremely again, but I may still have to keep away from certain fics that 'hit too close to home', at least until I feel more sure of my own abilities again. The most productive way of reacting to this feeling is usually to concentrate doubly hard on improving my own writing, which I did intend to do today, but then I realised that I needed to get rid of *all* the stacks of paper before I could start *anything* new in my life. I *need* a clean slate before I start on the next phase of my studies as well as - hopefully - a phase of writing more consistently and more seriously than I have so far.
Yes, you read that right: I want to give a different way of writing a try; let's see if some discipline helps to get more than five pages a year out of me! I'm thinking of something like an hour or two of writing time, every other day or so. Some kind of regular schedule.
Of course, I have an atrocious track record regarding self-control, so I'm not sure how far my determination will carry me. I may need help. I may need to enlist people to kick my ass occasionally. I dunno.
**
I also probably shouldn't make the mistake to see the current 'high' as a sign that all my problems have been solved all of a sudden. So, I should probably still follow my plans of looking for some kind of help.
**
In other news: In the end, I did not watch Heroes nor BSG or anything I listed in my entry a few days ago. Instead, I watched old Doctor Who. Really old Doctor Who - First and Second Doctor. (This is actually compatible with sorting through old paperwork, as the pace of the stories is so slow you'd fall asleep if you didn't do something else besides. *g*) While looking at Outpost Gallifrey's episode guide I was once again highly amused at the frequent recurrence of the words 'death' and 'terror' in the episode titles. The British sure know what children want! *g*
**
I am greatly enjoying the current storyline of Finder, which finally gives us another glimpse at the life of the Grosvenor family. I <3 Lynne, although he's completely fucked up... (He also looks rather a lot like Jaeger! But I think he's slightly too old to really be Jaeger's son.)
**
And finally, here's a mysterious note I found on an old piece of paper in one of my stacks:
"flibbusk: ten-legged, disagreeable when prevented from mating"
- Anyone have *any* idea what that could refer to? Cause I'm completely mystified.
I've been kind of busy with Real Life stuff (visiting family, meeting friends) the last couple of days, and when I haven't been busy with that kind of thing I've mostly spent my time going through *all* the many, many stacks of paper consisting of uni notes, ancient to-do-lists, 'official' letters/documents, long-neglected personal communications, personal notes, fandom notes, story ideas... sorting them, and throwing *a lot* of stuff out. It feels so good, I can't begin to describe it. Every stack of paper that goes is a weight lifted from my soul. I'm almost done now - maybe a couple more hours and then I'll be 'free' of years and years of paper backlog. Feels as if my mind is clearing at the same rate...
I've compiled a new 'master to-do-list' from all my old to-do-lists, and it's still massive, but slightly less scary than before because it's all on one list now. I plan to get all the 'easy' stuff on it done this week, just to shorten it a bit. Of course, the 'easy' stuff isn't really what's the problem in my life, but still, it will feel good to strike something like ten to fifteen items off the list. :-)
And then, of course, I need to get started on the next big essay, the Marcuse one. Difficult, but also kind of intriguing, so I'm kind of looking forward to that.
**
The bad news is that my writing neurosis reared its head again today. That's the "OMG, I can't read this story; it looks too good in ways that are too close to the kind of things I want to do with my own fiction but can't" neurosis, for those who were wondering. ;-) The last time it struck it put me off reading fanfic entirely for three years. I'm slightly less neurotic now than I was, so I don't think I'll react this extremely again, but I may still have to keep away from certain fics that 'hit too close to home', at least until I feel more sure of my own abilities again. The most productive way of reacting to this feeling is usually to concentrate doubly hard on improving my own writing, which I did intend to do today, but then I realised that I needed to get rid of *all* the stacks of paper before I could start *anything* new in my life. I *need* a clean slate before I start on the next phase of my studies as well as - hopefully - a phase of writing more consistently and more seriously than I have so far.
Yes, you read that right: I want to give a different way of writing a try; let's see if some discipline helps to get more than five pages a year out of me! I'm thinking of something like an hour or two of writing time, every other day or so. Some kind of regular schedule.
Of course, I have an atrocious track record regarding self-control, so I'm not sure how far my determination will carry me. I may need help. I may need to enlist people to kick my ass occasionally. I dunno.
**
I also probably shouldn't make the mistake to see the current 'high' as a sign that all my problems have been solved all of a sudden. So, I should probably still follow my plans of looking for some kind of help.
**
In other news: In the end, I did not watch Heroes nor BSG or anything I listed in my entry a few days ago. Instead, I watched old Doctor Who. Really old Doctor Who - First and Second Doctor. (This is actually compatible with sorting through old paperwork, as the pace of the stories is so slow you'd fall asleep if you didn't do something else besides. *g*) While looking at Outpost Gallifrey's episode guide I was once again highly amused at the frequent recurrence of the words 'death' and 'terror' in the episode titles. The British sure know what children want! *g*
**
I am greatly enjoying the current storyline of Finder, which finally gives us another glimpse at the life of the Grosvenor family. I <3 Lynne, although he's completely fucked up... (He also looks rather a lot like Jaeger! But I think he's slightly too old to really be Jaeger's son.)
**
And finally, here's a mysterious note I found on an old piece of paper in one of my stacks:
"flibbusk: ten-legged, disagreeable when prevented from mating"
- Anyone have *any* idea what that could refer to? Cause I'm completely mystified.