Apology. Yet another variation.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, all you people I love and keep failing. (And the ones I don't know as well but sorta like, too.) I *was* doing well about catching up, and then I... slipped. Again. And here I am, standing in the tracks watching the disappearing train, with a thousand other things demanding my attention.
Okay, here's an experiment. It's a little past ten p.m. I usually get tired around 3 a.m. Let's see if I can get five solid hours of (uni) work in for once. If I manage *that* I'll allow myself an hour of catching up tomorrow. There are a few people whose LJs I've been afraid to check, recently, because I'm a coward and I think you may need me and I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry guys. It's not even that I'm too busy to keep in touch, exactly, though by rights I should be. I should have been so busy these last couple of months.
It's... complicated. It's my brain making excuses (mostly subconscious ones, at that) to procrastinate, both when I need to work *and* when I need to do things to... keep in touch. Because interacting with people I care about, for some reason, becomes 'work', too, in my mind; it becomes stressful (I'm sure it is to everyone, really, to some degree, but most people seem to be better at dealing with it than I am), and I can only do so much of it before I need to run. For a while.
(I know I've said that before, or something like it, recently.)
So the last week and a half (or the last two weeks? My sense of time gets screwed up, too, when I get like this) I've been running (which means: turning inwards; reading; writing; drawing; taking walks around the neighbourhood; even hanging out at internet message boards because that's kind of... inconsequential; but not: meeting or phoning or e-mailing people I really care about.) And now work has become so pressing that I *actually* don't have the time to do my catching up, all thanks to my feverish procrastination of the past so-and-so-many weeks.
All right. Twenty past. I need to get working now.
See you tomorrow.
Okay, here's an experiment. It's a little past ten p.m. I usually get tired around 3 a.m. Let's see if I can get five solid hours of (uni) work in for once. If I manage *that* I'll allow myself an hour of catching up tomorrow. There are a few people whose LJs I've been afraid to check, recently, because I'm a coward and I think you may need me and I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry guys. It's not even that I'm too busy to keep in touch, exactly, though by rights I should be. I should have been so busy these last couple of months.
It's... complicated. It's my brain making excuses (mostly subconscious ones, at that) to procrastinate, both when I need to work *and* when I need to do things to... keep in touch. Because interacting with people I care about, for some reason, becomes 'work', too, in my mind; it becomes stressful (I'm sure it is to everyone, really, to some degree, but most people seem to be better at dealing with it than I am), and I can only do so much of it before I need to run. For a while.
(I know I've said that before, or something like it, recently.)
So the last week and a half (or the last two weeks? My sense of time gets screwed up, too, when I get like this) I've been running (which means: turning inwards; reading; writing; drawing; taking walks around the neighbourhood; even hanging out at internet message boards because that's kind of... inconsequential; but not: meeting or phoning or e-mailing people I really care about.) And now work has become so pressing that I *actually* don't have the time to do my catching up, all thanks to my feverish procrastination of the past so-and-so-many weeks.
All right. Twenty past. I need to get working now.
See you tomorrow.