Concrit Post 21

[hmd_me]

Sorry for the false start!

How's My Driving?∞ Comment with all the journals you RP with (and the communities they're from

Comments

[binarybullets]

Adstringendum

「　ｎ　ａ　ｒ　ｕ　ｔ　ｏ　」 UCHIHA IZUNA➝ visionofblood

●●●

Dirty Vegas

「　ｎ　ａ　ｒ　ｕ　ｔ　ｏ　」 UCHIHA ITACHI➝ pinwheeleyes

[binarybullets]

I have a little difficulty reading your Itachi as there is this air of languid, Wildean prose about him that, while often beautifully written, is just not reminiscent of Itachi in canon.

I know that interpretations can vary, but Itachi as a seductive creature with a belief/awareness of his attractiveness is something that I can't see any suggestion of in canon to warrant that spin on him. I do wonder if your own view of him as an attractive man is colouring your play and if perhaps a canon review would help?

All that said, your prose is lovely - I would just like to see it used more ICly, I suppose?

[pinwheeleyes]

Sorry for the delay in my response! I'm at work *slaves* XD

Regarding my writing style not being a good match for the muse - I'll do my best to work on that.

I'm confused where in my threads/logs I had him self-aware of his looks and acting seductive, can you give me an example where I did that? I've been trying for the exact opposite, like in his log with Sasuke where Sasuke asks him when the last time was he showered or brushed his hair. I try to play him in a way where his personal looks and welfare come as a postscript to everything else. I can't apologize enough if I completely hit the mark on that and had him acting seductively.

I'll definitely hit the manga again this weekend.

[binarybullets]

It just tends to drip through in his sexual interactions in a sort of undercurrent of languid sexiness as a constant. Not to say that you write him as a sexual predator (the opposite in fact as you seem to portray him as the woobie, which again I do not think rings true to the character. Even bottoming hard, Itachi would be in control or fighting for it, because that is his canonical nature). But that aside, there is a constant sense of "look at this man and how gorgeously damaged he is" that distracts from the character as presented in canon

[pinwheeleyes]

Alright, I'll keep an eye on it. D: sorry anon, it's not something I'd noticed myself doing. I will admit that log with L wasn't one of my best - it came at a bad time for me IRL so my head wasn't where it needed to be for RP. Thereabouts, I was tagging quickly after work each night to empty my inbox out of obligation. ._

[binarybullets]

Re: woobie - he seems to be written as having some aversion to sex that is primal and that he thinks it's taboo, or frightening in some way. And he seems to almost abrogate all self and control during sex. In fact you said it yourself in your tag right there "it's almost a form of self-punishment". My immediate question is WHY would he view sex that way exactly, if he has had lovers since his early teens, and what led you to that conclusion

[binarybullets]

Echoing the previous anon... Your writing is pretty, but I have to admit I find your Itachi rather weak and his portrayal too idealized. He reads a bit as if you're in love with your own character's woobie-ness and expect everyone around him IC and OOCly to feel the same. I think you could possibly use some canon review.

[pinwheeleyes]

I appreciate the feedback, anon. I don't expect anyone to love my character, and I apologize if its come across that way. Could you show me an example of where I'm portraying him idealized, so I know specifically what I need to work on?

[inkedfeathers]

You did a lovely job fleshing out Izuna. ♥

Of course, I haven't been to Adstring in a VERY long time, but I did glimpse a conversation with Sasuke recently that I found very sweet.

Pat yourself on the back! ♥

[visionofblood]

Thank yoouuuu...! ;u;

I can't take full credit for it though, his CR is what's helped make him more 3 dimensional. Adstring's been amazing with what they've let me do and the plots he's been in, the friends/enemies/roflwhatisthisrelationshipeven he's made, etc. I can't believe its already been almost a year... @_@

Hgfdxsagfds stalker 8[ clearly this means you should come back to us. Yus!

[schoolboysmile]

You're welcome!

That certainly makes sense! I've had a similar experience with a minor character I play. ^^ It's everyone supporting her and teaching her that's allowed her to grow.

How rude! I'm no stalker.

I wasn't let back in. I'm not sure why, I was told I would be welcome when I left. x3;;

Perhaps I was forgotten.

[visionofblood]

Yeah, and they've been really helpful and encouraging with plots like the eyeball-replacement thing Snape and he dragged out for the past few months, what jutsu he could use without eyeballs, etc etc. I don't know if I'd have the same luck with him in any other game. /gushes endlessly, orz, someone duct tape my mouth plx ;x;

D8 and aw... that's really unusual. And sad. I think I remember your Kabuto, he was there for a week or two right when I first joined I think?

[distantspring]

♥ Yes, I still hold a lot of love for Adstringendum, so I do not mind your gushing.

Sharp memory! That is correct.

[visionofblood]

Did they not want you bringing back the same version or..? I remember he was quite good!

[distantspring]

I didn't recieve a reason! I was just flat-out rejected, without explanation.

It was odd.

Thank you. ^^;;

[visionofblood]

Boo. )8