Depression x 10

[hlisterkal]

So on the phone with my boyfriend/fiance tonight I realized that I'm way depressed again, and this time its way worse than it's been in a while. I honestly don't care if I live or die to see tomorrow. Like, I'm not suicidal, I'm not going to do something stupid on an impulse. But, I'm just praying something happens to me before April so I don't have to make a decision. Everything was worked out, I was going to move up there in April and we were going to live happily ever after. Then this past December his mom realized, "Oh God, they're serious, she's going to take away my lil boy." So, she came up with bullshit reasons to hate me... and here's the catch, we've been together for seven-fucking-years. So, now he doesn't want me moving up there because he doesn't want the drama to come with it. My parents are moving to Vegas in April and I become WAY suicidal in South Carolina and there is NO place else for me to go... there's no way in hell I can afford to stay in school, work, and pay all my own bills. There's no way. So, when I brought all these points up to him tonight he said I was trying to lay a guilt trip on him. What the hell? A Freakin Guilt Trip? I don't know about him, but I stopped those in highschool along with freaking games. It's like I'm afraid to tell him anything anymore because since his mom got this whacked out idea in December he's been looking at the worst possible side of things with us and it's driving me fucking up the wall. He's in South Dakota and I'm in Colorado - and us only seeing eachother Once or Twice every couple of months isn't gonna cut it for me much longer. I cannot emotionally handle that bullshit. I don't need it. God, this sounds so bad, but I cannot wait until my therapy session on Thursday, and it won't even be a full hour session, it's only 30 minutes just to "get to know eachother better" type bullshit. Good god, If I wanted to get to know her I'd ask her fucking questions. I'll give someone all my tax return just to kill me.



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