Things to think about...
Been doing a lot of thinking over the last week. The age-old question of "how do you feel about me?" came up again last week with S, when I started talking some more about moving away. I'd been really trying to plan a vacation for this summer in Colorado at the end of June, and was trying to get a specific date range to plan it for, when he burst my bubble. He said he really needed to visit his mom this year in Arkansas. Funny, I do remember asking about that a few times, but now when I try to plan a real trip, he decides he has to go visit Mom. Irritating to say the least. I mean, how many times had I asked about that? And what was I supposed to do, plan the trip to see his mom? Not knowing where exactly she lives, how exactly to get there, and so on? Ugh! So yes, I got a little angry and disappointed in him. And then I reminded him I will likely be moving away at the end of the summer, and thought we should try and enjoy our time together. It did hurt me. I'd been trying to plan a special vacation together, and he destroyed my plans with talking about visiting his mom instead.
It's not that I'm against visiting his mom, it's just that he had to mention it right then, and it sounded like that was the only trip he was really thinking about taking. As if he could only take one vacation this year, and that was it. Ugh! This is the problem I have with him- never seems to want to take a vacation! And if you ask him to request off more than a long weekend, he asks why! If it's this hard to get him to consider one vacation, how could I ask him to consider two? But I did ask. Why couldn't we visit his mom AND go to Colorado- two different trips?
Anyway, a lot of drama later, he did concede that two trips might be possible. And he also began to understand that my job requires me to plan around the vacations of others, even though his does not. That said, we're looking at visiting his mom at the end of April, and going to Colorado in the end of June. Those seem like really the only times I'll be free to do it! Two coworkers are getting married this year, one right after the other practically, and taking two weeks off for a honeymoon too. (S can't even fathom two weeks off in a row!)
Oy... S seriously takes a lot of patience, and I don't think he even realizes it, so I have to remind him. Lucky for him, I'm extremely patient, but hate to say- even I have limits. The end result of all our drama last week was him admitting he did love me, and again, that he would try to visit me when I move away- that he would not put me off like he has his mother... etc, etc. Maybe I'm being stupid, or wishfully thinking, but I believe him. I think he really does care about me, and that he does love me... but has problems recognizing what we have sometimes, because of childhood/family issues. We both are the best of friends, and are always happy to be together. We look forward to the weekends, when we get to see each other again... and it honestly doesn't seem to matter what we do, I always enjoy being with him. True, I get restless sometimes- winter is very boring, and just staying in the house all day is boring too- but it's not because of him (though he tends to think it is). I I just need to get away from here for awhile! A weekend trip or something! But it's so frustrating, because I don't really have the money for that, even though I could probably plan it. He has the money, but won't plan. And then there's his work.
You see my frustrations? In spite of it all, I do give him the benefit of the doubt. Again, he's lucky to have me. Most others would have left him at this point.
As for the job hunt- still hunting. Definitely have fallen in love with the idea of living in NC. Heard from all I've talked to it's a great place to live, and it's beautiful. There's lots of growth down there too. Just for kicks, looked up computer jobs in NC. There are tons! S could move there too, if he could ever get his ass in gear. *Sigh*
So, there's where I stand. Bored and tired of my current status quo- Michigan's economic hopelessness, winter weather, working part time at the store/office, sitting around at home looking for jobs and wondering where I'll end up... I want more than anything to have a little adventure! A weekend trip! Something!
Maybe soon though... this Saturday is a wine tasting put on by my company (yay!!!), and Sunday I'm going to Saginaw to visit my sister and go to a Goo Goo Dolls concert with her. She wants me to see her apartment and meet her boyfriend too. Then Monday, I may be having lunch with Becky. If I don't have to work that day, it may be a fun day to catch up.
So, I suppose there will be an end to this restlessness... eventually. I'll just have to fantasize a bit longer.
And keep watching the last season of Forever Knight on DVD- one silly little guilty pleasure I HAD to indulge in last week.
Did I mention how much I love my new lap top? And the new mini laser mouse I got for it?
It's not that I'm against visiting his mom, it's just that he had to mention it right then, and it sounded like that was the only trip he was really thinking about taking. As if he could only take one vacation this year, and that was it. Ugh! This is the problem I have with him- never seems to want to take a vacation! And if you ask him to request off more than a long weekend, he asks why! If it's this hard to get him to consider one vacation, how could I ask him to consider two? But I did ask. Why couldn't we visit his mom AND go to Colorado- two different trips?
Anyway, a lot of drama later, he did concede that two trips might be possible. And he also began to understand that my job requires me to plan around the vacations of others, even though his does not. That said, we're looking at visiting his mom at the end of April, and going to Colorado in the end of June. Those seem like really the only times I'll be free to do it! Two coworkers are getting married this year, one right after the other practically, and taking two weeks off for a honeymoon too. (S can't even fathom two weeks off in a row!)
Oy... S seriously takes a lot of patience, and I don't think he even realizes it, so I have to remind him. Lucky for him, I'm extremely patient, but hate to say- even I have limits. The end result of all our drama last week was him admitting he did love me, and again, that he would try to visit me when I move away- that he would not put me off like he has his mother... etc, etc. Maybe I'm being stupid, or wishfully thinking, but I believe him. I think he really does care about me, and that he does love me... but has problems recognizing what we have sometimes, because of childhood/family issues. We both are the best of friends, and are always happy to be together. We look forward to the weekends, when we get to see each other again... and it honestly doesn't seem to matter what we do, I always enjoy being with him. True, I get restless sometimes- winter is very boring, and just staying in the house all day is boring too- but it's not because of him (though he tends to think it is). I I just need to get away from here for awhile! A weekend trip or something! But it's so frustrating, because I don't really have the money for that, even though I could probably plan it. He has the money, but won't plan. And then there's his work.
You see my frustrations? In spite of it all, I do give him the benefit of the doubt. Again, he's lucky to have me. Most others would have left him at this point.
As for the job hunt- still hunting. Definitely have fallen in love with the idea of living in NC. Heard from all I've talked to it's a great place to live, and it's beautiful. There's lots of growth down there too. Just for kicks, looked up computer jobs in NC. There are tons! S could move there too, if he could ever get his ass in gear. *Sigh*
So, there's where I stand. Bored and tired of my current status quo- Michigan's economic hopelessness, winter weather, working part time at the store/office, sitting around at home looking for jobs and wondering where I'll end up... I want more than anything to have a little adventure! A weekend trip! Something!
Maybe soon though... this Saturday is a wine tasting put on by my company (yay!!!), and Sunday I'm going to Saginaw to visit my sister and go to a Goo Goo Dolls concert with her. She wants me to see her apartment and meet her boyfriend too. Then Monday, I may be having lunch with Becky. If I don't have to work that day, it may be a fun day to catch up.
So, I suppose there will be an end to this restlessness... eventually. I'll just have to fantasize a bit longer.
And keep watching the last season of Forever Knight on DVD- one silly little guilty pleasure I HAD to indulge in last week.
Did I mention how much I love my new lap top? And the new mini laser mouse I got for it?