its been awhile.
water polo, school, water polo, future, school, hurt ribs, hurt kness. god damn. so much fucking pressure all the time. i just need a break. just for a bit. i feel like im about to explode.
i like the rain. i like to sit in the rain and think.
im more relaxed.
its cold, but i dont mind. not really at least.
im really distant from ppl i used to see all the time. i dont see them anymore. hardly at all. i miss it, but i guess its the way it has to be.
ive had a stomach ache for 4 days so far. im sick i have a bad sore throat. but i cant miss practice. so i suck it up. son of a bitch.
i shake alot. whats that from. i dunno, i cant figure it out. whatever. it doesnt matter.
iron and wine, jack, james taylor. wow i love them.
its pouring outside...maybe hailing. it should snow.
i have to wake up at 5:30 tomorrow. for practice. it will be cold. and i dont feel like getting in a cold pool. yup.
my life is boring, stupid, and meaningless sometimes.
i dunno.
i miss my brother. i havent heard from him in like a month or two. i bet my parents talk to him all the time.
why am i not part of my family half the time. ?
why am i not as perfect as he is. ?
why does everyone want me to be. ?
why do they put so much pressure on me to be just like him sometimes. i dont get it. i cant. i just cant.
why am i a disappointment. ? a failure. ?
i try. i really do. i dont know how i can change. i just dont.
sorry. really sorry.
maybe im just not good enough. i guess i never will be.
im out. one.
i like the rain. i like to sit in the rain and think.
im more relaxed.
its cold, but i dont mind. not really at least.
im really distant from ppl i used to see all the time. i dont see them anymore. hardly at all. i miss it, but i guess its the way it has to be.
ive had a stomach ache for 4 days so far. im sick i have a bad sore throat. but i cant miss practice. so i suck it up. son of a bitch.
i shake alot. whats that from. i dunno, i cant figure it out. whatever. it doesnt matter.
iron and wine, jack, james taylor. wow i love them.
its pouring outside...maybe hailing. it should snow.
i have to wake up at 5:30 tomorrow. for practice. it will be cold. and i dont feel like getting in a cold pool. yup.
my life is boring, stupid, and meaningless sometimes.
i dunno.
i miss my brother. i havent heard from him in like a month or two. i bet my parents talk to him all the time.
why am i not part of my family half the time. ?
why am i not as perfect as he is. ?
why does everyone want me to be. ?
why do they put so much pressure on me to be just like him sometimes. i dont get it. i cant. i just cant.
why am i a disappointment. ? a failure. ?
i try. i really do. i dont know how i can change. i just dont.
sorry. really sorry.
maybe im just not good enough. i guess i never will be.
im out. one.