The Word Retard
I can't help but wonder if the word retard would have appeared seventeen times in the film Tropic Thunder if Ben Stiller's daughter was born like mine, with an Intellectual Disability. Would President Obama have compared his bowling score to that of a Special Olympic athlete, if one of his daughters participated in Special Olympics? Would Kristen Chenoweth have compared herself to a retard on the Today Show when describing how much she enjoys Christmas if someone in her family had special needs?
Why is it that you have to have a family member with a disability to understand how degrading and offensive it is to use the word retard, or to mock people with special needs? Why is it that that when the New York Post cartoon offends ordinary citizens, everyone stands behind the offended, yet when people with special needs are mocked we're told not to be so sensitive. Why is it so hard to understand that people with special needs should count as much as you and me. They are individuals, human beings who deserve protection against discrimination and abuse. Yet, every day people living with Intellectual Disabilities across the world are abused, humiliated, used as slave labor, and treated like second class citizens. Let's look at a few recent examples:
A 20-year-old Minnesota man named John Maniglia, a member of the Minnesota National Guard pleaded guilty to his role in the brutal assault and torture of Justin Hamilton, a young adult with Intellectual Disabilities. The victim believed that Mr. Maniglia was his friend.
Coerced fights between residents with Intellectual Disabilities, dubbed "human cockfights" have been confirmed at three Texas institutions, including the Corpus Christi School.
In Atalissa, Iowa, officials of Henry's Turkey Service, are suspected of exploiting and neglecting workers with Intellectual Disabilities. The men lived in deplorable conditions in a padlocked bunkhouse for almost thirty-five years and were paid as little as .44 cents an hour.
People with Intellectual Disabilities are easy target on the internet. Why is it that Facebook, a popular social networking site allows over one thousand hateful groups to exist that mock and demean people with special needs and disabilities? These groups include names like RETARD HATERZ, RETARDED CLUB, SLAP THE RETARD, ASIAN RETARDS, SEXY SRI LANKAN RETARDS, McDONALDS EMPLOYS RETARDS, I'M RETARDED, TEAM RETARD, RETARD NATION, DOWN SYNDROME FOOTY ANYONE?, I HATE WHEELCHAIRS, HATE RETARDS???, DOWN SYNDROME KIDS NATURE'S CLOWNS, WE HATE CRIPPLES, TEAM RETARD, RETARDS 'R US, etc . It would be hard to list all the groups here but many post pictures of children with Down Syndrome and Intellectual Disabilities for a laugh. Some groups post pictures of adults with disabilities sitting in diapers, solely to humiliate them. Facebook's Terms of Use clearly go against what they are allowing on their site. The Terms of Use state that "groups that attack a specific person or group of people (e.g. racist, sexist, or other hate groups) will not be tolerated. Creating such a group will result in the immediate termination of your Facebook account." Yet, when these hateful groups are reported, Facebook ignores the reports. Is it possible that Facebook also believes that people with special needs shouldn't be so sensitive?
I have a thirteen year old daughter who lives with a mild cognitive impairment. I can't remember what I was like before she was born. She has never had a bad day. She is pure and innocent and brings an indescribable joy to everyone she encounters.
Before she was born I can't honestly say that hearing the word "retard" or the expression "that's retarded" would have bothered me much. I probably never gave it much thought. I just didn't know the pain it caused. That pain isn't just limited to the families of people with special needs. Most individual living with Intellectual Disabilities understand the word and know when they are being mocked. Should we just tell them to get over it? Take a joke? Not be so sensitive?
It seems as if you can't watch a movie or television show without hearing the word "retard." Is it possible that the people who write these words and the actors who say them have no idea how demeaning and hurtful they are to my child and all people living with special needs? I hear teenagers say it on the street, I hear grownups use it a dinner parties, I hear it in the supermarket. I usually just ignore the comments and end up being disappointed that I didn't speak up. Disappointed that I didn't say that it's not okay to take away the dignity of millions of people with a casual remark. The reason that I find it so hard to speak up is that I never wanted to offend the offender. Now I feel like we must use this opportunity as a way to teach people about the hurt caused when they use the word. I'm not trying to take away your right to use the word. I'm simply asking that you think before using it, to step back and try to see it through someone else's eyes.
I've written plenty of letters and emails each time I heard the word "retard" used as slang. I saw Jon Stewart host a benefit for children with Autism. He didn't use the word "retard" in any of his monologue. The following week I saw him again at a different benefit that didn't involve special needs kids. It was there that I sat in horror while he told jokes about his "retarded" dog. Surely, Jon Stewart knows better. Then there's Bill Maher who is so comfortable calling people "retards" with no regard for how it affects the special needs population. Kathy Griffin calling Paris Hilton a "retard." Whatever you think of Paris Hilton, calling her a "retard" is just unnecessary. The word appears in family movies all the time including Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Speed Racer and even Nancy Drew. Don't the writers know that they are telling kids it's okay to use the word? And let's not forget Ben Stiller who hid behind his "it's only satire" comment in Tropic Thunder. It is in this film, that Mr. Stiller's character Simple Jack depicts people with Intellectual Disabilities as living lives not worthy of life. I don't believe the tagline "Once Upon A Time... There Was A Retard" would have survived the first cut of any film if you substitute retard with any other slur. It's hard to take a joke, when you're always the target.
If you go to popular sites such as Amazon or Cafepress and type in the "N" word you won't find any items for sale because that word goes against their terms of service. Yet, type in the word retard on Amazon and buy any offensive item you'd want including "Retards are Hot" tee-shirts. But that's mild compared to Cafepress, the worst offender out there with a choice of over 1600 products. Both sites refuse to remove the offensive material. Once again, I can only assume that people with special needs need to get a thicker skin.
The time has come to speak up and stand up for dignity for all people living with special needs and disabilities. It's important for all of us to be the voice of those who can't defend themselves. Speak up for the most vulnerable of our society. It's important to make a difference, for my daughter and all other's living with an Intellectual Disability.
There is so much work to do. Is there a connection between the word retard and the systemic abuse, neglect, and human rights violations that occur daily against people with Intellectual Disabilities? We must all commit to the mission of making the world a better place. Let it begin with dignity and respect for all human beings living with special needs and disabilities.