Private
I did not sleep last night. I did not expect to. But what I didn't expect was for my dreams to be what they were. Nejiko, Noburo... I would have expected that. But my subconcious did not seem to want me to forget my sister.
They could kill her.
I... yesterday, all I could think of was Nejiko and it consumed me. But when I think now, really think, she could die. They won't murder her, no, but they can force her to commit suicide, to submit to their will. Her sons will know the pain that my daughter had to face for years. And I am useless to stop it
If she dies, where will I go? Nejiko will surely want nothing to do with me. I...
... the moment I returned, I might as well have signed her death certificate. One more failure, one more screw up. I can't even hide and take her place this time, even if I was there by her side where I should be. I am too old, too scarred, and too weak to perform the right illusions. As if the Elders would fall for illusions.
Why couldn't she have just let me take the fall at this point? I am already almost past the point of redemption. If they killed me, so what? As long as Nejiko never knew I was alive and then dead, it wouldn't have mattered.
I'm supposed to protect her!
I have failed so much...
They could kill her.
I... yesterday, all I could think of was Nejiko and it consumed me. But when I think now, really think, she could die. They won't murder her, no, but they can force her to commit suicide, to submit to their will. Her sons will know the pain that my daughter had to face for years. And I am useless to stop it
If she dies, where will I go? Nejiko will surely want nothing to do with me. I...
... the moment I returned, I might as well have signed her death certificate. One more failure, one more screw up. I can't even hide and take her place this time, even if I was there by her side where I should be. I am too old, too scarred, and too weak to perform the right illusions. As if the Elders would fall for illusions.
Why couldn't she have just let me take the fall at this point? I am already almost past the point of redemption. If they killed me, so what? As long as Nejiko never knew I was alive and then dead, it wouldn't have mattered.
I'm supposed to protect her!
I have failed so much...