Bruises - NewS - PG-13

[hizashikage]

Title: Bruises
Author: anamuan
Pairing/Group: RyoPi
Rating:PG-13
Word Count: 1,545
Warnings: Remember, smoking kills.
Notes: Originally for procreational for the je_holiday gift exchange. I'm glad you liked it dear. You comment made me insanely happy. Also thanks to anyone else who commented. ♥♥♥ to you all :DDDD
Thanks to sillyandmorbid and nihongofrancais for reading it over for me and giving me 'second

Comments

I did mention that I was going to quote in a self-indulgently extensive manner, right?

[mycroftnext]

a moment where they could listen to the non-silence
I can add no more, it just needed to be quoted.

But some things you do because you need to, not because you want to, and Pi needed this. Ryo needed Pi, so to him, one thing meant the other.
That had the potential to be the mushiest thing ever, but you did it so matter-of-factly that it comes of both sweet and realistic. Your talent is staggering, and I want to be you.

Ryo didn’t think Pi realized what he wasn’t saying, but Ryo understood it anyway.
The construction of this sentence! I feel like you needed an architect's plan to get it so perfect, but I know you just wrote it. Guh. It's so perfect in style, and it invokes so much emotion! My heart goes all melty (and not in a cavity-inducing sort of way).

he didn't have to look at Pi to know how he'd be smiling slightly, one hand held lightly over the new mark on his neck, savoring the feeling of knowing it was there.
Loved it from the beginning and still do. Great image and it really underlines the reciprosity of their relationship; it's not just Ryo thinking these things, there are physical manifestations that Pi's in this just as deep as Ryo is.

And talking; talking about nothing was pointless.
I look at this, and I can't decide if I made a mistake in having you change it. It's more open-ended now, so they might not get it exactly the way you had it before, but I also kind of like all of the possibilities it invokes. I don't know. I hope that didn't mess up that paragraph.

The smoke made Ryo think of spiders' threads and fading bruises.
The creepy frickin' spiders!!!! But it works, so I forgive you. ;-)

It tasted like humidity and smoke.
Why does something cancerous sound so amazingly delicious? I have to keep telling myself that I hate smoking, it's bad, and it would probably kill the little bit of decent lungs I have left, because this fic really makes me want to go lean up against a poorly lit building and smoke underneath the dim streetlamp.

Ryo could see Yamapi's eyes on the thin skin stretched over the veins there and wondered what Pi was thinking. Wondered if Pi thought about time and rain and bruises, or if it was just him. Ryo took Pi's wrist and sucked a mark over the lines of his veins out of spite.
I feel like I'm making the same comment over and over again, but it's still beautiful and evocative and human. I love that Ryo isn't always able to tell what Pi's thinking. He's occasionally spiteful. It's such a real representation of how people interact without being maudlin or sappy or even going to far and making them unseemingly angsty or bitter. You are brilliant.

the ones toward the top are messier, bigger because it tickled and I couldn't hold still.
SO YAMAPI!!! You are really good at changing voices. This is such a different yet similar style. Do you teach classes about how to be this good?

I like the bruises on my heart because they're a map of all the places you haven't been yet. Places you'll go someday, broken places you'll fix simply by being there.
That makes me want to cry, and I don't know why. It's wistful and hopeful all at once, and I didn't really think that was possible.

I hope that, like Ryo, you can understand what I'm trying to say as I fumble along here. I really think that my favorite part of this is that it has that bite of reality. It's dreamy, yet very grounded. It really flows along like music which, to me, is the highest compliment I can give. The words just have all the rich tones and you've pulled them together so beautifully. Dear heavens I need a thesaurus. Anyway, I love you, I love this fic, and in thinking about it, I think this is the best thing you've written. You did such a great job.

♥ to you! :D

it's embarrassing, but i'm not sure how much of this reply will fit. we'll see.

[anamuan]

of course, you realize that i have been waiting nearly as long to read your comment as you have been waiting to make it, yes? and since i want to hear all the parts you liked/disliked and your impressions of them, i would hardly call this quoting 'self-indulgent.'

oh, i think this is the best thing i've written, hands down. definitely no argument from me. that's why i was worried about reveals and nothing else being like it. ^_~ Something about this one, it was like i feel writing is supposed to be somehow, when it's at it's best. I know you know that despite the hours, the days, the weeks we spent editing this with a surgical staff and a fine-toothed comb (to mix all kinds of metaphors), the majority of this was written in a day. Most of the second letter was written before jehols on a whim, and i went "damn. i need to make something out of this," but had no idea what, and you forced me to write another 400, 500 words or so during the edit process, but most of it was written in the 5 hours after I got my assignment. I wish everything could go like that. *wishful thinking*

re: Minefields shaped like old, ragged relationships. Knife-wounds from angry words and vicious tongues. Battle zones and foxholes of past mistakes and too much to drink.
you helped me think my way through this bit. (in case you don't remember) I bounced ideas off you for a long time.

a fine line of resigned grumpiness
I like Ryo like that. that plus some spite, some contrariness, some snark. He's got his sweet and tender side, but my favourites all go along that other edge.

This is so human
thank you! first for saying that, and second for naming it. There was a sense i was going for, and i knew what it was, but i didn't know what to call it, and i think 'human' is what it was.

You and your crack research staff.
'crack research' meaning? I got two potential readings from this, and in my mind, anyway, it can really go either way. 1)crack as in total bullox and you applaud my skill at making up random times or 2)crack as in 'i can't believe you actually looked that up, but i love it.'
in case I hadn't mentioned, I really did check

Dude! Now I know which Japanese phrase you were trying to put in here!
you do! in my head, it had a nicely Kansai flavour: shaa nee na.

It's time he doesn't have and he knows it. But it's time he needs, so he takes it anyway.
this was one of the first lines i wrote after the letter. ^_^
This haunts me, gosh darn you!
YAY! I get to haunt you!! :DDDDDDD

re: But some things you do because you need to, not because you want to, and Pi needed this. Ryo needed Pi, so to him, one thing meant the other.
I. I totally didn't see its mushiness potential until you pointed it out. but this is one of my favourite lines.

Ryo didn’t think Pi realized what he wasn’t saying, but Ryo understood it anyway.
this one, i thought might be pushing the mushiness envelope a bit. But it's also one of my favourite lines.

And talking; talking about nothing was pointless.
I look at this, and I can't decide if I made a mistake in having you change it. It's more open-ended now, so they might not get it exactly the way you had it before, but I also kind of like all of the possibilities it invokes. I don't know. I hope that didn't mess up that paragraph.
you know, i don't remember how it used to read. I remember that it was different, and after much bickering and dithering, you talked me into changing it. But I don't remember how it was before.
So i doubt the paragraph is now 'messed up'

Why does something cancerous sound so amazingly delicious?
I KNOW!! i hate smoking. having grown up with it, i think it's one of the most disgusting habits possible. but somehow it suits them.
makes me want to go lean up against a poorly lit building and smoke underneath the dim streetlamp.
and this was the best mental image evaaaaaarrrrr.

maudlin or sappy and unseemingly angsty or bitter
ew and ew. so thank you :D. i still protest the 'brilliant' comment on principle, however.

thank you so so much for everything.

Way to keep it to one comment box!

[mycroftnext]

I still contend I suffered more than you because I have a one-upmanship complex because you had other people to comment and distract you. I had very few other fics that I edited with you to squee about. *pretends that's actually logical since it's late and benadryl makes my head not work so well*

it was like i feel writing is supposed to be somehow, when it's at it's best.
There is nothing quite like that feeling, and I totally agree: I wish that would happen more often for me!

a surgical staff and a fine-toothed comb
And that is what makes you such a fine writer. ;-) Mixing metafore (I just randomly typed that italian without even thinking about it) ftw!

you helped me think my way through this bit. (in case you don't remember) I bounced ideas off you for a long time.
You know, it's funny, but some parts I remember specifically helping you with and coming up with specific lines, but there are other parts where all I know is that we talked about it, and I haven't a clue as to which parts came from whom or even how much we talked about it. I still contend that it was your amazing writing that made it; I just make you justify it to me. ;-)

but i didn't know what to call it, and i think 'human' is what it was.
Your personal dictionary/thesaurus/interpreter/brain to the rescue!

'crack research' meaning?
You did tell me that you looked it up (after asking me what time the last shinkansen got into Tokyo. Because yeah, the minute you went to Tokyo I decided to memorize the bullet train schedule). So I was making a joke about you looking that up and simultaneously mocking the fact that you have to do it yourself because you don't have minions to do it for you.

nicely Kansai flavour: shaa nee na.
*happy shivers*

but this is one of my favourite lines.
AS WELL IT SHOULD BE!! Because it is awesome incarnate.

this one, i thought might be pushing the mushiness envelope a bit.
Well, it was mushier than the rest I suppose, but it's still very much in character. I think your fic is all the better for it because people (even the cynical, snarky Ryo's) have moments of mushiness. Again, it's that all-important human combination of quirks and hypocrisies that you did so well.

But I don't remember how it was before. So i doubt the paragraph is now 'messed up'
I don't exactly remember how it looked before either, but I'm glad you don't think it's messed up. *wipes forehead*

i still protest the 'brilliant' comment on principle, however.
I still protest you protesting the brilliant comment on principle as well. So there. *sticks out tongue at you*

You are always welcome, and thank you for just letting me be a part of it. :DDD