-CRISIS CORE writing muse-
Title: Guilt Wrecked
Fandom: Final Fantasy VII
Characters: Angeal Hewley, Genesis Rhapsodos, Sephiroth
Words: 3565
Rating: PG-13? [Angst, cutting, blood/gore, friendship faggotry] … well.
Author's Note: OOOHHHH ILU RYN BUT. YOU. YOU AND YOUR STORY WRITING. OHHH-HO-HO. YOU. AND YOUr AMAZING WRITING with its inspirational qualities. --- and uhm. Pre Crisis Core?
This wasn’t another training session because the coldness of the wind and the dampness of the evening air were real, and this wasn’t a ‘fake’ mission where the three were sent out to tag undercover 2nd and 3rd classes. This wasn’t their first official mission. But it wasn’t any less of an adrenaline rush or nerve wrecking, nor in the end would it be any more of a way to fill the empty void that was getting bigger by the missions. These people were going to just be more numbers for others to count as badges of honor, being elites.
Angeal sat across from Sephiroth and Genesis, who looked just as smug as when they all had joined SOLDIER. And it was just as Angeal sighed in near disgust that the co-pilot of the helicopter came in with small headsets for the trio. They all took one and appropriately fixed it to their ear as they were activated.
The blonde lieutenant shouted into his head set with his country accent and cigarette hanging on his lips. “Ok! We’re headin’ deep into Wutai’s hold!” He said looking to all the elites as he held onto a handle. “We’ll be hittin’ BINGO in ‘bout five minutes; your drop point! Orders from President ShinRa is to clear the entire forest so the 2nds can ambush the castle!” it had been the same run from past missions in war-ridden Wutai. Clear the forest, wait for the 2nds, go home, wait to see what happened; get noticed. “When that light goes off, jump!” and with that, we went back to helping his captain in the cockpit.
Genesis chuckled. “Hoorah.” His mocking got a few chuckles and smiles from the other two but not much more.
---
Three minutes. Had Angeal been able to choose this mission, he would have denied himself the pleasure of showing up at the launch pad. But this was from the president himself. He pushed his right glove up, revealing a hermetically sealed bloodied bangle. There was a cringe as he looked at it again, a shot of anguish and pain running though him again.
It had been from their last mission; Angeal had killed over a thousand people that night, and there were many more coming over the ridge with the sun. it just so happened that one of the last boys he had cut down, wasn’t completely gone. That Wutai soldier managed to have Angel listen to him-- a sort of last rites. The helmet, if not planted into the young man’s face, was filled with his blood and off to the side. He couldn’t say much. He was muttering almost incoherently as he held his silver bangle to Angeal, talking of his family. His wife, children, even his parents and how he was going to see them soon.
All Angeal could do was listen to this boy, ignoring the shouts and complaints by his comrades in his one ear. As the Wutai soldier once again offered the bangle to Angeal, he talked about how his wife had an exact copy of his. And he asked if Angeal would find her and give it to her, if the muscular man promised not to kill her. Then without any warning, the boy stopped laughing and talking. His head rolled back and his labored breathing ceased. The bangle glimmered silver and red as a few rockets went off in the battle field while the boys hand fell to the ground. Angeal took the bangle and later found a similar one in a ash filled village around a protruding white stick.
“This will be far too easy.”
Twenty seconds. Sephiroth and Genesis’ conversation snapped Angeal out of his nostalgic mind. He covered the band and did something similar to crossing himself quickly, as to not be seen.
This however caught Genesis’ eyes at the last instant. He stared at Angeal, head tilted; registering what he just really did. He looked to Sephiroth, noting he didn’t notice, then looked back to his ebony haired life-long friend. He took a breath in. “Angeal.” he called and caught everyone’s attention. “… what was that.” there was no viciousness when he questioned his actions whilst the sirens and lights filled the small confined place.
The three stood up together, as a team, Angeal and Genesis’ gazes locked. There was a feeble twitch in Angeal’s face before he turned and dove out of the helicopter and into the battle field.
“…” Sephiroth smacked Genesis’ upper arm, with a sort of ‘what the hell’ face.
Genesis sighed while shrugging and then leapt out of the same side Angeal did.
---
It was now hours later, the next morning before sunrise. They had returned home after their successful bloodbath in Wutai and the 2nds had relieved them. As always, or as of late, they all went off on their own to clean themselves up from this hindrance. And all throughout the corridors on the way to their rooms they were praised and applauded for their ways in battle by those who weren’t sent off to die.
While Sephiroth and Genesis basked in the glory that was a 1st class elite SOLDIER when the elevator opened its doors, Angeal tried his best not to get his dry bloodied uniform on others as he pushed though the crowd. When the two friends saw this, they quickly dismissed all the on-lookers with stern voices.
Genesis ran up to Angeal, catching up as Sephiroth took care of some stragglers. “Angeal, my friend, what’s the matter.” he paced himself with the brooding man, and once he didn’t get an reply he went on poking and prodding. “You haven’t said a single word since yesterday morning save for a sign or grunt on the mission.” he still received no answer, Sephiroth finally catching up and walking the opposite side of Genesis on Angeal.
“Angeal.” Sephiroth’s cool tone rang with a hint of annoyance.
“I’m fine,” Sighed Angeal, wiping the sleep from his eyes.
The redhead laughed, “That’s not what we asked.”
Angeal stopped in front of his door, typing in numbers as fast as he possibly could. “What, you want to know how I feel about slicing hundreds upon thousands of boys heads off their shoulders, having their warm blood spray on my chilled skin, or what runs though my mind when I hear their curdling screams of pain from miles away in the dead of night? Is that what you want to know?” He slipped in his room and locking it from the inside.
“…” Looking to Sephiroth and then back to the door Genesis was at a loss. “Well if that’s how you feel, yes!” it was concerning to him, and Sephiroth as well. This wasn’t Angeal; he wasn’t the type to act on emotions after battle, especially this emotion of uncaring anger. Genesis grunted, he was starting to feel a little red in the face too. “Angel, Sephiroth and I were going to go out somewhere, a club, after we cleaned up.” He paused momentarily so there was no chance for a reply from the silver warrior. “Why don’t you join us, we would love to have you there! Angeal!” he knocked on the door.
“-- I’m not going clubbing.” Sephiroth crossed his arms, glaring at the man clad in red leather.
“You don’t have to, it’s to get him out.” Genesis replied sharply, knocking again with much more fervor.
There was a sound of disappointment. “If you knew him, Angeal doesn’t go clubbing either.”
“I’ve known him longer than you, don’t you tell me what’s what!” was the quieted snap back.
“Then you shouldn’t have mentioned clubbing, he’ll never come out.”
“It’s a night out on the town, Sephiroth. It’s something he needs. He’s too pent up here.”
“If Angeal doesn’t want to go anywhere, there’s no making him go.”
“What friend are you!” Genesis exclaimed. “Angeal’s not himself and here you are saying leave him alone!” he sneered. “If you knew anything about Angeal, he doesn’t like being my himself, and when he is there is something terribly wrong.” on every emphasis he put into the phrase, Genesis poked Sephiroth on his chest with his index finer.
Eyes were emotionless and tones were nonexistent. “Poke me one more time Genesis.” This hostility and anger poised towards him brought out the warrior in him. And he knew unlike Angeal with his cool and peaceful nature, he would easily get a comply for a fight out of Genesis’ flamboyant and egotistical attitude.
Angeal could hear the chuckling anger that voiced out of Genesis, and before he could let the redhead, he came out of his typical room and pushed the two away from charging one another. “Back off!” He scowled at them both. “You know better,” he pointed to Genesis. “and you need to cool your jets.” he pointed to Sephiroth. “I’m sick and tired of the both of you and your pissing matches! We’re the same team, sparring is something else but we just got back from slaughtering an entire city!” if they ever thought Angeal had ever yelled at them before they were wrong. “Give it a break! If you two are still blood thirsty go to the monster infested Slums or some caves! I’ve had more than my share, I don’t need to see you two spill each others.”
Their level-headed Angeal was gone with and was replaced with whatever this man before them was. They stood awestruck before him. Angeal must had been in the middle of changing for a shower because he came out in only his pants, but that wasn’t what they were gawking at. Sephiroth and Genesis had seen Angeal’s body a million times, but he was covered in abrasions and lacerations this time.
“Angeal.” Genesis said breathlessly. They were 1st class, they didn’t get hurt. They lived or died, that’s how it had always been, there was no ‘wounded’, only life or death.
The light was finally revealed to Sephiroth, something that should have been there so very long ago. “What’s going on, Angeal.”
His head was hung a bit more than usual and his anger had once again washed away, replaced by grief. “Go clean yourselves up.” quiet and rejected, Angeal slipped back to his room for the rest of the day.
---
“What’s it been.” Sephiroth asked, sitting on a ledge and looking out a window. “Three days?”
“Angeal…?” Genesis, withdrawn into his LOVELESS, sounding as if going though the motions.
“Yes, who else.”
“You said to leave him alone.”
“And you said you knew him better. What are you doing sitting here.”
“Reading, what else.” He sighed, flipping the hardcover closed. “It’s not like I could talk to him.” a pause. “I can’t get in unless he lets me in, and there’s no possibility of that happening anytime soon.”
“…have you talked to Lazard or Hollander?” the question fell on deafened ears.
“Why would they help.” The idea was shooed away with a detached scoff. “They don’t care about us. We’re just tools to them.”
“Angeal’s our friend, Genesis.” Sephiroth’s voice seemed to have soften then, showing that if anything, he did feel companionship.
Genesis stood, pushing the chair away from him and picking up his book. “I know.” and with that, walked out.
For the next hour or so, the mischievous redhead spent his time hopping around offices and higher-ups rooms looking for an all-access pass to sneak himself into Angeal’s room. And finally, after searching to near explosive anger, he found such a card hidden in the Director Lazard’s desk drawer. Genesis was truly worried for Angeal. He didn’t know what was going on for the first time ever since they were aquatinted. Who did that? What could give him those slices? Where did he get them? When did he get them? Why did he cure himself by now? Were just some of the questions Genesis wanted to know about.
Angeal had always answered his door with ‘who is it?’ no matter who it was. This was Genesis’ key to knowing if slinking to Angeal’s place was even possible. Three knocks; … no answer. A devilish smiled took his lips as he slipped the card into the slot and into the SOLDIERs accommodation.
Upon entering with a smile it quickly left with disgust and sheer horror at the sight. On Angeal’s bed were nothing but blood-stained covers and pillows and the clothes that were never sent to the launderer hoarder in the corner reeking of iron. Over on the dresser was a single utility blade, freshly cleaned, surrounded by crimson gauze, pads and two bangles. A quick venture into the bathroom reveled nothing better. The shower, towels, floor and sink were stained with what could only be assume as Angeal’s blood. What the-- and just about any word that could be possibly followed by it were all that flew in and out of Genesis’ mind.
He didn’t understand, Angeal was an upstanding man, he couldn’t, he would never do anything like that to himself. “Self mutilation? … Angeal…?” If it was possible, nothing made since anymore. If Angeal was cutting himself then dumbapples were a cruel joke and the goddess wasn’t anything more than a fictional character in some silly book.
“No,” Genesis uttered once, heading back to the main room, and holding the slightly dulling blade. “No. No.” Was the chant as he seemed to find more evidence against the idea that Angeal was still sane. The redhead’s world was flipped upside down, and he was about to rip all his hair out. Why? Why? What didn’t I do? What didn’t I see? What did I miss? Where were the signs? His teeth gritted, his eyes started to swell and get hot while his nose started to tingle and his breath began to become labored and choppy.
Just then, he clearly heard digital-bleeping; the sound of Angeal punching in his access code. Genesis snapped his head around the area looking for a place to hide, just for a bit, enough to see what was going on with his best friend. There Angeal’s lockers stood, waiting to be used. He scrambled to silently close the metal gate as he counted down to the last four numbers that were entered in. Not a second later, Genesis heard the air lock pop, footfalls enter, the air lock seal, and more footfalls.
Genesis fought back irate tears and the urge to yell at Angeal forever as he hid in that stifling locker, covering his mouth. He watched the ebony spiked hair man sit on his bed and start to peel the white bandages off his forearms. They were scarred beyond all thought. Genesis’ body tensed as he literally bit his gloved hand to stop himself. His blood pressure went though the roof as Angeal took his shirt off revealing what he saw three days ago, only more so. It was it, he couldn’t take it anymore; he idolized his man, put him up on a pedestal their entire lives. And here he was, ruining himself. Searing hot tears seeped from his eyes as he looked away.
He clenched his eyes and controlled his breathing; maybe none of this was real. Maybe it was all a horrid dream. An acute realization of what Angeal meant to him as his friend, even. He hoped, he prayed for it to be so. This feeling of betrayal and horror and emptiness was eating him alive, he wanted it all to stop, why wouldn’t it stop?
Then time stopped as Genesis picked up the noise of the blade scraping against the wood dresser. His head snapped back to the vents so his shaking and straining eyes could see what was going on. Angeal had picked up the blade and had just been staring at it for the longest time. What was Angeal thinking? Put it down. Genesis growled to himself. Put it down or I swear to everything that is I will-- and then Angeal, the emotionless soul he came to be, lifted his arm to the edge.
Something inside Genesis at that very moment snapped; seeing what was going on and seeing it happen were two different things, but this is where he made it end. He blasted down the metal cover, now a puddle of alloys, running to Angeal. In rage, he swung his fist square into Angeal’s shapely face knocking the much more muscular man to the deck. “Who do you think you are?!” Genesis shouted. “You are the most arrogant and self-centered bastard I’ve ever known!” he was sneering and snarling down at the most confused Angeal he had ever seen. “Slicing boys heads off? I’M blood thirsty? I don’t want to hear about it?!” suddenly all the pieces fit and he couldn’t believe he didn’t see it. All the new bandages Angeal was wearing for ‘training purposes’, how he just seemed to stop existing with he and Sephiroth, his constant yelling. They were all flags.
“Well do you?!” Angeal snapped back. “You didn’t seem to care last time we cleared that forest!” He couldn’t punch Genesis back, he couldn’t stand up and just knock him out. Genesis had at least cared enough to show up now. And somewhere deep in him, he knew that. Angeal just couldn’t figure that out.
“… we were up for over 48 hours! I wanted to sleep! I told you I’d talk to you tomorrow!” This went back that far? “You didn’t want anything to do with me when I asked you the next day!”
Angeal swallowed his pride as he looked at Genesis before he looked off to the side. “Get out Gen.” he muttered.
“What’s wrong with you?” Fury still flowed though Genesis with ease. Something was wrong with his best childhood friend, and he wasn’t leaving until he found out everything.
There was a peculiar growl on Angeal’s voice. “I said get out.”
“What’s wrong!”
Angeal broke. He shot up and started yelling in Genesis’ face. “I’m not like you or Sephiroth! I can’t turn a kill-switch on and off! It’s not black and white for me! Wutai isn’t some evil ridden land! There aren’t just malicious men out there! There are innocents!” He paused. “I’ve murdered over fifteen thousand men and boys!” he grabbed the bracelets that laid on the hutch. “These bangles belonged to a young man and his wife. They had three children. We burned four innocent people alive because we brought a war to Wutai!” Angeal threw the bands of silver to the floor causing them to fall around their feet after bouncing around.
Genesis stood where he was taking this vent from Angeal. If this was how he was going to get his mother-hen friend back, he was more than happy to get yelled at and possibly even punched. He bent down and picked up the burnt and gory bangles, looking at the with awe. He slipped them over his hands and onto his leather coat. “How many times have you cut yourself.” Genesis’s tone was deadpan.
“…not enough.” Angeal stepped back.
“Then you’re counting your cuts for the lives you took?” he fixed the bands to stay on his jackets cuffs.
Gravely he replied, “Yeah.”
Genesis stepped forward and hugged Angel. “You’re the stupidest person I’ve ever known.” he tired to cover up the sound of his voice wavering. “Listen to me.” He sighed. “There’s nothing you can do about who you killed. You can’t bring them back. … live for them. Get rid of those scars with a Cure and live for them.”
“But Genesis--” pushing away Angel grit his teeth and furrowed his eyebrows in anguish.
“Angeal.” the redhead pulled the muscular man back into his hold. “You’ll kill yourself. You’ll get dishonorably discharged, and you’ll have nowhere to go but home. And Sephiroth and I can’t go with you and we can never visit.” he pulled away, looking at the blade on the dresser. In one swift movement he grabbed it, lifted up his sleeve and swiped it across his forearm.
“Genesis!” Angeal shouted, scrambling for something to stop the bleeding.
“How does it feel, Angeal.” He asked with a tinge of pain on his voice as the other worriedly searched. “To have a friend mutilate themselves.”
Angeal laughed filled with sorrow. “…what do you want, Genesis.” he hadn’t realized what he made anyone feel. All he knew was that is was his way of coping and it was working up until he started distancing himself. Angeal kept the pressure on Genesis’ arm, worrying if he did any less Genesis would bleed to death.
“I want you to stop.” He growled, ripping his arm away from the overly compassionate man and walking over to the bed. “And I want you to clean up. And take a Cure.” he added, crossing his legs. “Oh, and while you’re at it?” he tapped his hand on the spot next to himself.
It was then Angeal was somewhat brought back to his old self and willingly sat next to Genesis. “What is it?” He smiled like he used to.
Genesis smiled something rather pleasing. “When the war of the beasts brings about the world's end, The goddess descends from the sky…”
“I’m getting a Cure! I’m getting a Cure!” Angel shot up and dashed for the bathroom, listening to Genesis cackle in the background.
Fandom: Final Fantasy VII
Characters: Angeal Hewley, Genesis Rhapsodos, Sephiroth
Words: 3565
Rating: PG-13? [Angst, cutting, blood/gore, friendship faggotry] … well.
Author's Note: OOOHHHH ILU RYN BUT. YOU. YOU AND YOUR STORY WRITING. OHHH-HO-HO. YOU. AND YOUr AMAZING WRITING with its inspirational qualities. --- and uhm. Pre Crisis Core?
This wasn’t another training session because the coldness of the wind and the dampness of the evening air were real, and this wasn’t a ‘fake’ mission where the three were sent out to tag undercover 2nd and 3rd classes. This wasn’t their first official mission. But it wasn’t any less of an adrenaline rush or nerve wrecking, nor in the end would it be any more of a way to fill the empty void that was getting bigger by the missions. These people were going to just be more numbers for others to count as badges of honor, being elites.
Angeal sat across from Sephiroth and Genesis, who looked just as smug as when they all had joined SOLDIER. And it was just as Angeal sighed in near disgust that the co-pilot of the helicopter came in with small headsets for the trio. They all took one and appropriately fixed it to their ear as they were activated.
The blonde lieutenant shouted into his head set with his country accent and cigarette hanging on his lips. “Ok! We’re headin’ deep into Wutai’s hold!” He said looking to all the elites as he held onto a handle. “We’ll be hittin’ BINGO in ‘bout five minutes; your drop point! Orders from President ShinRa is to clear the entire forest so the 2nds can ambush the castle!” it had been the same run from past missions in war-ridden Wutai. Clear the forest, wait for the 2nds, go home, wait to see what happened; get noticed. “When that light goes off, jump!” and with that, we went back to helping his captain in the cockpit.
Genesis chuckled. “Hoorah.” His mocking got a few chuckles and smiles from the other two but not much more.
---
Three minutes. Had Angeal been able to choose this mission, he would have denied himself the pleasure of showing up at the launch pad. But this was from the president himself. He pushed his right glove up, revealing a hermetically sealed bloodied bangle. There was a cringe as he looked at it again, a shot of anguish and pain running though him again.
It had been from their last mission; Angeal had killed over a thousand people that night, and there were many more coming over the ridge with the sun. it just so happened that one of the last boys he had cut down, wasn’t completely gone. That Wutai soldier managed to have Angel listen to him-- a sort of last rites. The helmet, if not planted into the young man’s face, was filled with his blood and off to the side. He couldn’t say much. He was muttering almost incoherently as he held his silver bangle to Angeal, talking of his family. His wife, children, even his parents and how he was going to see them soon.
All Angeal could do was listen to this boy, ignoring the shouts and complaints by his comrades in his one ear. As the Wutai soldier once again offered the bangle to Angeal, he talked about how his wife had an exact copy of his. And he asked if Angeal would find her and give it to her, if the muscular man promised not to kill her. Then without any warning, the boy stopped laughing and talking. His head rolled back and his labored breathing ceased. The bangle glimmered silver and red as a few rockets went off in the battle field while the boys hand fell to the ground. Angeal took the bangle and later found a similar one in a ash filled village around a protruding white stick.
“This will be far too easy.”
Twenty seconds. Sephiroth and Genesis’ conversation snapped Angeal out of his nostalgic mind. He covered the band and did something similar to crossing himself quickly, as to not be seen.
This however caught Genesis’ eyes at the last instant. He stared at Angeal, head tilted; registering what he just really did. He looked to Sephiroth, noting he didn’t notice, then looked back to his ebony haired life-long friend. He took a breath in. “Angeal.” he called and caught everyone’s attention. “… what was that.” there was no viciousness when he questioned his actions whilst the sirens and lights filled the small confined place.
The three stood up together, as a team, Angeal and Genesis’ gazes locked. There was a feeble twitch in Angeal’s face before he turned and dove out of the helicopter and into the battle field.
“…” Sephiroth smacked Genesis’ upper arm, with a sort of ‘what the hell’ face.
Genesis sighed while shrugging and then leapt out of the same side Angeal did.
---
It was now hours later, the next morning before sunrise. They had returned home after their successful bloodbath in Wutai and the 2nds had relieved them. As always, or as of late, they all went off on their own to clean themselves up from this hindrance. And all throughout the corridors on the way to their rooms they were praised and applauded for their ways in battle by those who weren’t sent off to die.
While Sephiroth and Genesis basked in the glory that was a 1st class elite SOLDIER when the elevator opened its doors, Angeal tried his best not to get his dry bloodied uniform on others as he pushed though the crowd. When the two friends saw this, they quickly dismissed all the on-lookers with stern voices.
Genesis ran up to Angeal, catching up as Sephiroth took care of some stragglers. “Angeal, my friend, what’s the matter.” he paced himself with the brooding man, and once he didn’t get an reply he went on poking and prodding. “You haven’t said a single word since yesterday morning save for a sign or grunt on the mission.” he still received no answer, Sephiroth finally catching up and walking the opposite side of Genesis on Angeal.
“Angeal.” Sephiroth’s cool tone rang with a hint of annoyance.
“I’m fine,” Sighed Angeal, wiping the sleep from his eyes.
The redhead laughed, “That’s not what we asked.”
Angeal stopped in front of his door, typing in numbers as fast as he possibly could. “What, you want to know how I feel about slicing hundreds upon thousands of boys heads off their shoulders, having their warm blood spray on my chilled skin, or what runs though my mind when I hear their curdling screams of pain from miles away in the dead of night? Is that what you want to know?” He slipped in his room and locking it from the inside.
“…” Looking to Sephiroth and then back to the door Genesis was at a loss. “Well if that’s how you feel, yes!” it was concerning to him, and Sephiroth as well. This wasn’t Angeal; he wasn’t the type to act on emotions after battle, especially this emotion of uncaring anger. Genesis grunted, he was starting to feel a little red in the face too. “Angel, Sephiroth and I were going to go out somewhere, a club, after we cleaned up.” He paused momentarily so there was no chance for a reply from the silver warrior. “Why don’t you join us, we would love to have you there! Angeal!” he knocked on the door.
“-- I’m not going clubbing.” Sephiroth crossed his arms, glaring at the man clad in red leather.
“You don’t have to, it’s to get him out.” Genesis replied sharply, knocking again with much more fervor.
There was a sound of disappointment. “If you knew him, Angeal doesn’t go clubbing either.”
“I’ve known him longer than you, don’t you tell me what’s what!” was the quieted snap back.
“Then you shouldn’t have mentioned clubbing, he’ll never come out.”
“It’s a night out on the town, Sephiroth. It’s something he needs. He’s too pent up here.”
“If Angeal doesn’t want to go anywhere, there’s no making him go.”
“What friend are you!” Genesis exclaimed. “Angeal’s not himself and here you are saying leave him alone!” he sneered. “If you knew anything about Angeal, he doesn’t like being my himself, and when he is there is something terribly wrong.” on every emphasis he put into the phrase, Genesis poked Sephiroth on his chest with his index finer.
Eyes were emotionless and tones were nonexistent. “Poke me one more time Genesis.” This hostility and anger poised towards him brought out the warrior in him. And he knew unlike Angeal with his cool and peaceful nature, he would easily get a comply for a fight out of Genesis’ flamboyant and egotistical attitude.
Angeal could hear the chuckling anger that voiced out of Genesis, and before he could let the redhead, he came out of his typical room and pushed the two away from charging one another. “Back off!” He scowled at them both. “You know better,” he pointed to Genesis. “and you need to cool your jets.” he pointed to Sephiroth. “I’m sick and tired of the both of you and your pissing matches! We’re the same team, sparring is something else but we just got back from slaughtering an entire city!” if they ever thought Angeal had ever yelled at them before they were wrong. “Give it a break! If you two are still blood thirsty go to the monster infested Slums or some caves! I’ve had more than my share, I don’t need to see you two spill each others.”
Their level-headed Angeal was gone with and was replaced with whatever this man before them was. They stood awestruck before him. Angeal must had been in the middle of changing for a shower because he came out in only his pants, but that wasn’t what they were gawking at. Sephiroth and Genesis had seen Angeal’s body a million times, but he was covered in abrasions and lacerations this time.
“Angeal.” Genesis said breathlessly. They were 1st class, they didn’t get hurt. They lived or died, that’s how it had always been, there was no ‘wounded’, only life or death.
The light was finally revealed to Sephiroth, something that should have been there so very long ago. “What’s going on, Angeal.”
His head was hung a bit more than usual and his anger had once again washed away, replaced by grief. “Go clean yourselves up.” quiet and rejected, Angeal slipped back to his room for the rest of the day.
---
“What’s it been.” Sephiroth asked, sitting on a ledge and looking out a window. “Three days?”
“Angeal…?” Genesis, withdrawn into his LOVELESS, sounding as if going though the motions.
“Yes, who else.”
“You said to leave him alone.”
“And you said you knew him better. What are you doing sitting here.”
“Reading, what else.” He sighed, flipping the hardcover closed. “It’s not like I could talk to him.” a pause. “I can’t get in unless he lets me in, and there’s no possibility of that happening anytime soon.”
“…have you talked to Lazard or Hollander?” the question fell on deafened ears.
“Why would they help.” The idea was shooed away with a detached scoff. “They don’t care about us. We’re just tools to them.”
“Angeal’s our friend, Genesis.” Sephiroth’s voice seemed to have soften then, showing that if anything, he did feel companionship.
Genesis stood, pushing the chair away from him and picking up his book. “I know.” and with that, walked out.
For the next hour or so, the mischievous redhead spent his time hopping around offices and higher-ups rooms looking for an all-access pass to sneak himself into Angeal’s room. And finally, after searching to near explosive anger, he found such a card hidden in the Director Lazard’s desk drawer. Genesis was truly worried for Angeal. He didn’t know what was going on for the first time ever since they were aquatinted. Who did that? What could give him those slices? Where did he get them? When did he get them? Why did he cure himself by now? Were just some of the questions Genesis wanted to know about.
Angeal had always answered his door with ‘who is it?’ no matter who it was. This was Genesis’ key to knowing if slinking to Angeal’s place was even possible. Three knocks; … no answer. A devilish smiled took his lips as he slipped the card into the slot and into the SOLDIERs accommodation.
Upon entering with a smile it quickly left with disgust and sheer horror at the sight. On Angeal’s bed were nothing but blood-stained covers and pillows and the clothes that were never sent to the launderer hoarder in the corner reeking of iron. Over on the dresser was a single utility blade, freshly cleaned, surrounded by crimson gauze, pads and two bangles. A quick venture into the bathroom reveled nothing better. The shower, towels, floor and sink were stained with what could only be assume as Angeal’s blood. What the-- and just about any word that could be possibly followed by it were all that flew in and out of Genesis’ mind.
He didn’t understand, Angeal was an upstanding man, he couldn’t, he would never do anything like that to himself. “Self mutilation? … Angeal…?” If it was possible, nothing made since anymore. If Angeal was cutting himself then dumbapples were a cruel joke and the goddess wasn’t anything more than a fictional character in some silly book.
“No,” Genesis uttered once, heading back to the main room, and holding the slightly dulling blade. “No. No.” Was the chant as he seemed to find more evidence against the idea that Angeal was still sane. The redhead’s world was flipped upside down, and he was about to rip all his hair out. Why? Why? What didn’t I do? What didn’t I see? What did I miss? Where were the signs? His teeth gritted, his eyes started to swell and get hot while his nose started to tingle and his breath began to become labored and choppy.
Just then, he clearly heard digital-bleeping; the sound of Angeal punching in his access code. Genesis snapped his head around the area looking for a place to hide, just for a bit, enough to see what was going on with his best friend. There Angeal’s lockers stood, waiting to be used. He scrambled to silently close the metal gate as he counted down to the last four numbers that were entered in. Not a second later, Genesis heard the air lock pop, footfalls enter, the air lock seal, and more footfalls.
Genesis fought back irate tears and the urge to yell at Angeal forever as he hid in that stifling locker, covering his mouth. He watched the ebony spiked hair man sit on his bed and start to peel the white bandages off his forearms. They were scarred beyond all thought. Genesis’ body tensed as he literally bit his gloved hand to stop himself. His blood pressure went though the roof as Angeal took his shirt off revealing what he saw three days ago, only more so. It was it, he couldn’t take it anymore; he idolized his man, put him up on a pedestal their entire lives. And here he was, ruining himself. Searing hot tears seeped from his eyes as he looked away.
He clenched his eyes and controlled his breathing; maybe none of this was real. Maybe it was all a horrid dream. An acute realization of what Angeal meant to him as his friend, even. He hoped, he prayed for it to be so. This feeling of betrayal and horror and emptiness was eating him alive, he wanted it all to stop, why wouldn’t it stop?
Then time stopped as Genesis picked up the noise of the blade scraping against the wood dresser. His head snapped back to the vents so his shaking and straining eyes could see what was going on. Angeal had picked up the blade and had just been staring at it for the longest time. What was Angeal thinking? Put it down. Genesis growled to himself. Put it down or I swear to everything that is I will-- and then Angeal, the emotionless soul he came to be, lifted his arm to the edge.
Something inside Genesis at that very moment snapped; seeing what was going on and seeing it happen were two different things, but this is where he made it end. He blasted down the metal cover, now a puddle of alloys, running to Angeal. In rage, he swung his fist square into Angeal’s shapely face knocking the much more muscular man to the deck. “Who do you think you are?!” Genesis shouted. “You are the most arrogant and self-centered bastard I’ve ever known!” he was sneering and snarling down at the most confused Angeal he had ever seen. “Slicing boys heads off? I’M blood thirsty? I don’t want to hear about it?!” suddenly all the pieces fit and he couldn’t believe he didn’t see it. All the new bandages Angeal was wearing for ‘training purposes’, how he just seemed to stop existing with he and Sephiroth, his constant yelling. They were all flags.
“Well do you?!” Angeal snapped back. “You didn’t seem to care last time we cleared that forest!” He couldn’t punch Genesis back, he couldn’t stand up and just knock him out. Genesis had at least cared enough to show up now. And somewhere deep in him, he knew that. Angeal just couldn’t figure that out.
“… we were up for over 48 hours! I wanted to sleep! I told you I’d talk to you tomorrow!” This went back that far? “You didn’t want anything to do with me when I asked you the next day!”
Angeal swallowed his pride as he looked at Genesis before he looked off to the side. “Get out Gen.” he muttered.
“What’s wrong with you?” Fury still flowed though Genesis with ease. Something was wrong with his best childhood friend, and he wasn’t leaving until he found out everything.
There was a peculiar growl on Angeal’s voice. “I said get out.”
“What’s wrong!”
Angeal broke. He shot up and started yelling in Genesis’ face. “I’m not like you or Sephiroth! I can’t turn a kill-switch on and off! It’s not black and white for me! Wutai isn’t some evil ridden land! There aren’t just malicious men out there! There are innocents!” He paused. “I’ve murdered over fifteen thousand men and boys!” he grabbed the bracelets that laid on the hutch. “These bangles belonged to a young man and his wife. They had three children. We burned four innocent people alive because we brought a war to Wutai!” Angeal threw the bands of silver to the floor causing them to fall around their feet after bouncing around.
Genesis stood where he was taking this vent from Angeal. If this was how he was going to get his mother-hen friend back, he was more than happy to get yelled at and possibly even punched. He bent down and picked up the burnt and gory bangles, looking at the with awe. He slipped them over his hands and onto his leather coat. “How many times have you cut yourself.” Genesis’s tone was deadpan.
“…not enough.” Angeal stepped back.
“Then you’re counting your cuts for the lives you took?” he fixed the bands to stay on his jackets cuffs.
Gravely he replied, “Yeah.”
Genesis stepped forward and hugged Angel. “You’re the stupidest person I’ve ever known.” he tired to cover up the sound of his voice wavering. “Listen to me.” He sighed. “There’s nothing you can do about who you killed. You can’t bring them back. … live for them. Get rid of those scars with a Cure and live for them.”
“But Genesis--” pushing away Angel grit his teeth and furrowed his eyebrows in anguish.
“Angeal.” the redhead pulled the muscular man back into his hold. “You’ll kill yourself. You’ll get dishonorably discharged, and you’ll have nowhere to go but home. And Sephiroth and I can’t go with you and we can never visit.” he pulled away, looking at the blade on the dresser. In one swift movement he grabbed it, lifted up his sleeve and swiped it across his forearm.
“Genesis!” Angeal shouted, scrambling for something to stop the bleeding.
“How does it feel, Angeal.” He asked with a tinge of pain on his voice as the other worriedly searched. “To have a friend mutilate themselves.”
Angeal laughed filled with sorrow. “…what do you want, Genesis.” he hadn’t realized what he made anyone feel. All he knew was that is was his way of coping and it was working up until he started distancing himself. Angeal kept the pressure on Genesis’ arm, worrying if he did any less Genesis would bleed to death.
“I want you to stop.” He growled, ripping his arm away from the overly compassionate man and walking over to the bed. “And I want you to clean up. And take a Cure.” he added, crossing his legs. “Oh, and while you’re at it?” he tapped his hand on the spot next to himself.
It was then Angeal was somewhat brought back to his old self and willingly sat next to Genesis. “What is it?” He smiled like he used to.
Genesis smiled something rather pleasing. “When the war of the beasts brings about the world's end, The goddess descends from the sky…”
“I’m getting a Cure! I’m getting a Cure!” Angel shot up and dashed for the bathroom, listening to Genesis cackle in the background.