(no subject)

[hitxthatxshit]

today is a day i want to remember
first
my father made me sad with petty insults,
and then i was nervous
anxious
consumed with this fear
for hours, recalculating all
the mistakes i've made recently
only to be
compounded
by
finally asking the questions i want answers to
and getting a resounding "no"
which seemed like a harsh "not now"
"not ever"
i'm feeling more the fool than i've ever felt before.
i'm all dolled up in the masochist make-up
getting what i gave myself
sour grapes
bitter taste
and a little bit of heart break.
i never really contemplated before
what the outcome of all these hours would be
but i'm finding that this machine i've created is
incredibly inefficient
i poured in my body
maybe a little soul, too
and all i seem to get out is shit.
well, fuck you.
i'll forget you too.
all of you.
p.s.,
thanks assholes of the world
for ripping out my radio antenna
on one of the worst days of my life.
you really put the icing on my cake,
the cherry to my sundae,
and if it weren't for you
good hooligans,
i would almost be able to forget
that the world is full
of assholes and whores.