stuck in this so called life
another year has come and gone. feels like any other day though. not much difference nor do i wish to make any resolutions. whatever decisions i make this coming year will play out, hopefully, in a positive manner.
i'm a bit appehensive, more nervous really, on this new website i'm trying out. you know, those kinds where you try to hook up with someone. i'm not actually seeking a date or a long term relationship at the moment. that's just leaping before walking. i have problems just being in a crowd of people. i dont have anything against my fellow man...well, i dont trust them completely. and who does nowadays? i'm just too quiet for my own good. more observant of others' responses with another; more a listener than a conversationalist. hell, i'm barely opening up with my fellow employees. this one guy at work known as big Miguel, always keeps asking if i'm mad whenever i'm too quiet. i always reply no. i really am not. i just dont know what to say to just one person. maybe in a group but then i'm still quiet there as well. i tend to be more content lost in my own thoughts than whacking my mind on what to say to someone. i guess maybe that's why i'm usually forgotten when it comes to work announcements such as employee parties or when they decide to 'hang out' somewhere after work hours. *shrug* i do speak up when i'm asked a question other than that my mouth is literally sealed shut. i really want to get a social life but it seems the harder i try, the further away it becomes and the more 'alone' i feel.
and nervous.
and scared.
i haven't had a social life since i was 27. am i too closed in now? do i really believe in 'never too late'?
well, when i first started putting my info on this site, i was optimistic and positive about the whole thing. it even has more people listed in my city than any other place i've tried. however, after reading many profiles on what these guys are looking for in a woman, i'm beginning to falter...a lot. i'm not perfect. who is? i really want a friend right now. just hanging out for the moment. if it exceeds from there, then all the better.
the majority want someone sweet and kind and smiles alot, is intelligent, or knows what they want in life. all those describe both of my lil sisters! how come i've gotta be the only hardcore tomboy in the family?! i wish i was like them. i do! i'm jealous that guys just come to be their friends and fall for them. they've accomplished so much more in their lives than i have in 10yrs! they knew what they wanted to be and did it. i'm still stuck in the present, neither moving forward nor back. i dont know what to do with this effing life i have. they can even add input to a conversation, be all indepth and shit, and i cant even do that!
FML
><
*sigh*
this is giving me a headache...
getting older isnt helping any at all
i'm feeling more alone. i'm only the way i am because of circumstances that were out of my hands. i know if someone gave me a chance, loved me with all their heart, cared for me; i know that i'll change. i've never been treated like the woman i know is inside me. i just would like to meet someone who is willing and patient on bringing out the real me.
and this is how i ring in the new year...
i'm a bit appehensive, more nervous really, on this new website i'm trying out. you know, those kinds where you try to hook up with someone. i'm not actually seeking a date or a long term relationship at the moment. that's just leaping before walking. i have problems just being in a crowd of people. i dont have anything against my fellow man...well, i dont trust them completely. and who does nowadays? i'm just too quiet for my own good. more observant of others' responses with another; more a listener than a conversationalist. hell, i'm barely opening up with my fellow employees. this one guy at work known as big Miguel, always keeps asking if i'm mad whenever i'm too quiet. i always reply no. i really am not. i just dont know what to say to just one person. maybe in a group but then i'm still quiet there as well. i tend to be more content lost in my own thoughts than whacking my mind on what to say to someone. i guess maybe that's why i'm usually forgotten when it comes to work announcements such as employee parties or when they decide to 'hang out' somewhere after work hours. *shrug* i do speak up when i'm asked a question other than that my mouth is literally sealed shut. i really want to get a social life but it seems the harder i try, the further away it becomes and the more 'alone' i feel.
and nervous.
and scared.
i haven't had a social life since i was 27. am i too closed in now? do i really believe in 'never too late'?
well, when i first started putting my info on this site, i was optimistic and positive about the whole thing. it even has more people listed in my city than any other place i've tried. however, after reading many profiles on what these guys are looking for in a woman, i'm beginning to falter...a lot. i'm not perfect. who is? i really want a friend right now. just hanging out for the moment. if it exceeds from there, then all the better.
the majority want someone sweet and kind and smiles alot, is intelligent, or knows what they want in life. all those describe both of my lil sisters! how come i've gotta be the only hardcore tomboy in the family?! i wish i was like them. i do! i'm jealous that guys just come to be their friends and fall for them. they've accomplished so much more in their lives than i have in 10yrs! they knew what they wanted to be and did it. i'm still stuck in the present, neither moving forward nor back. i dont know what to do with this effing life i have. they can even add input to a conversation, be all indepth and shit, and i cant even do that!
FML
><
*sigh*
this is giving me a headache...
getting older isnt helping any at all
i'm feeling more alone. i'm only the way i am because of circumstances that were out of my hands. i know if someone gave me a chance, loved me with all their heart, cared for me; i know that i'll change. i've never been treated like the woman i know is inside me. i just would like to meet someone who is willing and patient on bringing out the real me.
and this is how i ring in the new year...