Each Beat Reminds Me Of You [13A/?]
Title: Each Beat Reminds Me Of You [13A/?]
Pairing: JongKey
Word Count: 3252
Rating: NC-17
Genre: drama, slice of life, angst, smut
Summary: What happens when you fall deeply with someone you shouldn’t have known? What happens if you live your life peacefully only to realize there’s something missing in it so you put all on the line just to feel something new? What happens when you cross the line between affection and obsession? And, what happens if things don’t go the way you want them to…?
PREVIOUS CHAPTERS: PROLOGUE, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12A, 12B
-… so now he just left?
A nod.
-Uh. Yes, he just left. Though he stayed there whole night long.
-You never learn… what keeps you in there anyways?
He could only blink, trying no to let his tears fall.
-I… I don’t know. I don’t know, hyung.
-… and since when you call me ‘hyung’?
Kikwang shifted on the sofa, his fingers clenching on the phone.
-I… please, I don’t want to have this kind of conversation. I wanted you to know and to… I don’t know. Maybe I wanted to hear your voice. Maybe I wanted to renew our friendship. Maybe I’m just…
He bit his lower lip at the feeling of the first tear running down his cheek.
He couldn’t break down. Not yet.
-Kiki- the voice on the other side whispered- was it all worth it?
Trying to calm down, he stuttered:
-W-what w-was worth w-wha-
-Was you dumping me really worth it? Just what really you feel about this guy?
That was a good question which Kikwang asked himself pretty often as well.
-I… it’s, I mean, I don’t know if it was worth it, I mean, I’ve been here for two weeks so far, I’ve been watching him eating, sleeping, rarely laughing, talking, just watching him living. And though there, at the disco I didn’t even think it’d turn out into something like this, now I know that he has changed me. To the point I can’t even recognize myself anymore. It’s that… suddenly I can’t focus on anything or anyone but him. I have this enormous urge to touch him, to comfort him, to kiss him… but I know it would hurt him. And maybe that’s why I still haven’t done anything yet. Though it’s all just insane.
-… so you dumped me not knowing whether what you felt was real?
Kikwang held his breath.
-I…
-So we were just a fling. I thought so- there was a slight chuckle- But, ash, I’d never think you would get involved into something like this. To love a love-struck freak that is obsessed with a whore and whose father is a homophobe who leaves his precious son to custody of a gay. That’s rather fucked up, don’t you think?
Kikwang run his fingers through his hair and nodded, though the other one couldn’t obviously see it.
-I do.
-I see.
There was silence between them, but neither of them felt awkward. They were so close before and such moments of not-talking weren’t uncomfortable for them.
Finally, Kikwang spoke.
-I… ah, I just… I want to apologize to you hyu-… I mean, Yonghwa. I’m so sorry for all this.
The other boy just laughed; it was a happy laugh and Kikwang felt something in his stomach roll.
-Oh my, don’t be so cheesy! I’m not crying over you or anything, so stop worrying. Better take care of this lovely weirdo of yours.
-What about you…
-About me? Well, do you remember that pretty basketball player from our middle school?
-You mean… that ‘undefeatable’ one? Minhyuk?
-Exactly. See, he asked me out a week ago. And now we’re already planning our ‘honeymoon’- Yonghwa chukled lightly, making all Kikwang’s insides flicker- you know that I’ve always wanted to go to Lithuania.
Kikwang suddenly felt uneasy; he’d rather just end this talk.
-Well, I’m happy for you. I wish you both happiness.
-Oh, come on, don’t sound like some 80-year-old.
-I just don’t know what else to say.
He felt Yonghwa hesitated for a moment, but then decided to say:
-I don’t regret any minute we had spent together, but it’s over now, Kiki, and you have to bear with it, especially because you’re the one you brought this to the end. Forget about us and start anew, find someone you could love and trust. And I truly recommend you to not fall deeper with this freak of yours.
-Uh. Thank you for advice.
-Call me if you ever have any problems. We can be ex-lovers but we’re still best friends. Or at least I think so.
Kikwang sighed.
-I love you, friend.
-Me too. Take care.
Kikwang put the phone near him and then just clenched his fists and covered his eyes with them.
He knew he screwed it all up. He knew he was too impulsive and naïve.
But it was too late to turn back.
* * *
Staring in disbelief at the sight through a crack in the door he slowly regained his consciousness. He couldn’t have worse timing.
‘MisterPark will be here after 5 PM. Keep that in mind.’
He didn’t feel his heart being shattered to tiny pieces at the picture of an old man slamming into Kibum. He didn’t feel any disgust hearing the panting and moans escaping the mouths of those two.
He felt absolutely nothing.
It wasn’t ‘nothing’ in sense of remoteness; it was rather ‘nothing’ in sense of jolt.
He would never, ever imagine that Key could share with anyone else but Jonghyun; yet, wasn’t it what his common sense was always reminding him to no forget?
That didn’t change the fact that Jonghyun couldn’t think of anything else than stepping into, grabbing the old man by his hair and make him regret disgracing his one and only reason to keep it all going.
But yet, wasn’t he also one of those who caused this disgrace to Key?
What rights did he have to protect him?
Still indifferent, he slowly left, but instead of just walking back home he started walking through the corridor, reaching the bathroom door.
That was surely the place where Key goes to after fulfilling his job.
Jonghyun could wait.
* * *
When the old man emptied himself into Key, he almost immediately stood up- as soon as he was able to breath more steadily- and began getting dressed.
That strange guy at least didn’t show him this obviously that he’s just a whore to get laid with; he’d always stay with him, embracing him until the moment when Key would get annoyed
Key, on the other hand, was laying there, panting heavily, exhausted both mentally and physically like every time when he had to deal with MrPark.
-Thank you, baby. It felt amazing.
The dancer faked a smile, turning his head in the man’s direction, but glancing at the wall. There was nothing more disgusting than an old prick getting dressed after an intercourse.
But his action satisfied Mr Park still- he still didn’t put his glasses on, so he couldn’t tell whether Key was looking at him or not.
The blurry sight of the boy’s lips curved into a smile was all he was asking for.
He didn’t know what was laying behind this alluring smile- pretence, exhaustion and disgust.
Disgust not only towards the man- also, disgust towards himself. Key was feeling dirty, every inch of his skin which was kissed, caressed, licked was dirty. His mouth was dirty. His hips were dirty. His heart was dirty.
How much he hated himself in that moment.
Why did I keep on imagining him?
GO TO PART II
Pairing: JongKey
Word Count: 3252
Rating: NC-17
Genre: drama, slice of life, angst, smut
Summary: What happens when you fall deeply with someone you shouldn’t have known? What happens if you live your life peacefully only to realize there’s something missing in it so you put all on the line just to feel something new? What happens when you cross the line between affection and obsession? And, what happens if things don’t go the way you want them to…?
PREVIOUS CHAPTERS: PROLOGUE, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12A, 12B
-… so now he just left?
A nod.
-Uh. Yes, he just left. Though he stayed there whole night long.
-You never learn… what keeps you in there anyways?
He could only blink, trying no to let his tears fall.
-I… I don’t know. I don’t know, hyung.
-… and since when you call me ‘hyung’?
Kikwang shifted on the sofa, his fingers clenching on the phone.
-I… please, I don’t want to have this kind of conversation. I wanted you to know and to… I don’t know. Maybe I wanted to hear your voice. Maybe I wanted to renew our friendship. Maybe I’m just…
He bit his lower lip at the feeling of the first tear running down his cheek.
He couldn’t break down. Not yet.
-Kiki- the voice on the other side whispered- was it all worth it?
Trying to calm down, he stuttered:
-W-what w-was worth w-wha-
-Was you dumping me really worth it? Just what really you feel about this guy?
That was a good question which Kikwang asked himself pretty often as well.
-I… it’s, I mean, I don’t know if it was worth it, I mean, I’ve been here for two weeks so far, I’ve been watching him eating, sleeping, rarely laughing, talking, just watching him living. And though there, at the disco I didn’t even think it’d turn out into something like this, now I know that he has changed me. To the point I can’t even recognize myself anymore. It’s that… suddenly I can’t focus on anything or anyone but him. I have this enormous urge to touch him, to comfort him, to kiss him… but I know it would hurt him. And maybe that’s why I still haven’t done anything yet. Though it’s all just insane.
-… so you dumped me not knowing whether what you felt was real?
Kikwang held his breath.
-I…
-So we were just a fling. I thought so- there was a slight chuckle- But, ash, I’d never think you would get involved into something like this. To love a love-struck freak that is obsessed with a whore and whose father is a homophobe who leaves his precious son to custody of a gay. That’s rather fucked up, don’t you think?
Kikwang run his fingers through his hair and nodded, though the other one couldn’t obviously see it.
-I do.
-I see.
There was silence between them, but neither of them felt awkward. They were so close before and such moments of not-talking weren’t uncomfortable for them.
Finally, Kikwang spoke.
-I… ah, I just… I want to apologize to you hyu-… I mean, Yonghwa. I’m so sorry for all this.
The other boy just laughed; it was a happy laugh and Kikwang felt something in his stomach roll.
-Oh my, don’t be so cheesy! I’m not crying over you or anything, so stop worrying. Better take care of this lovely weirdo of yours.
-What about you…
-About me? Well, do you remember that pretty basketball player from our middle school?
-You mean… that ‘undefeatable’ one? Minhyuk?
-Exactly. See, he asked me out a week ago. And now we’re already planning our ‘honeymoon’- Yonghwa chukled lightly, making all Kikwang’s insides flicker- you know that I’ve always wanted to go to Lithuania.
Kikwang suddenly felt uneasy; he’d rather just end this talk.
-Well, I’m happy for you. I wish you both happiness.
-Oh, come on, don’t sound like some 80-year-old.
-I just don’t know what else to say.
He felt Yonghwa hesitated for a moment, but then decided to say:
-I don’t regret any minute we had spent together, but it’s over now, Kiki, and you have to bear with it, especially because you’re the one you brought this to the end. Forget about us and start anew, find someone you could love and trust. And I truly recommend you to not fall deeper with this freak of yours.
-Uh. Thank you for advice.
-Call me if you ever have any problems. We can be ex-lovers but we’re still best friends. Or at least I think so.
Kikwang sighed.
-I love you, friend.
-Me too. Take care.
Kikwang put the phone near him and then just clenched his fists and covered his eyes with them.
He knew he screwed it all up. He knew he was too impulsive and naïve.
But it was too late to turn back.
* * *
Staring in disbelief at the sight through a crack in the door he slowly regained his consciousness. He couldn’t have worse timing.
‘MisterPark will be here after 5 PM. Keep that in mind.’
He didn’t feel his heart being shattered to tiny pieces at the picture of an old man slamming into Kibum. He didn’t feel any disgust hearing the panting and moans escaping the mouths of those two.
He felt absolutely nothing.
It wasn’t ‘nothing’ in sense of remoteness; it was rather ‘nothing’ in sense of jolt.
He would never, ever imagine that Key could share with anyone else but Jonghyun; yet, wasn’t it what his common sense was always reminding him to no forget?
That didn’t change the fact that Jonghyun couldn’t think of anything else than stepping into, grabbing the old man by his hair and make him regret disgracing his one and only reason to keep it all going.
But yet, wasn’t he also one of those who caused this disgrace to Key?
What rights did he have to protect him?
Still indifferent, he slowly left, but instead of just walking back home he started walking through the corridor, reaching the bathroom door.
That was surely the place where Key goes to after fulfilling his job.
Jonghyun could wait.
* * *
When the old man emptied himself into Key, he almost immediately stood up- as soon as he was able to breath more steadily- and began getting dressed.
That strange guy at least didn’t show him this obviously that he’s just a whore to get laid with; he’d always stay with him, embracing him until the moment when Key would get annoyed
Key, on the other hand, was laying there, panting heavily, exhausted both mentally and physically like every time when he had to deal with MrPark.
-Thank you, baby. It felt amazing.
The dancer faked a smile, turning his head in the man’s direction, but glancing at the wall. There was nothing more disgusting than an old prick getting dressed after an intercourse.
But his action satisfied Mr Park still- he still didn’t put his glasses on, so he couldn’t tell whether Key was looking at him or not.
The blurry sight of the boy’s lips curved into a smile was all he was asking for.
He didn’t know what was laying behind this alluring smile- pretence, exhaustion and disgust.
Disgust not only towards the man- also, disgust towards himself. Key was feeling dirty, every inch of his skin which was kissed, caressed, licked was dirty. His mouth was dirty. His hips were dirty. His heart was dirty.
How much he hated himself in that moment.
Why did I keep on imagining him?
GO TO PART II