just an update even though it will cause issues

[hitoriphoenix]

Well, its been a while since I have updated, so I guess its time. The things that have happend in the past month are so has come about to a new development. I now live back at moms house with Xander. In the on going problems that Nick and I have had have gotten too much for me. I know some would say to try and reconcile but the time for that has come and gone. That time has ben offered and turned down. I know that each of us has our demons to face and we all face them at our own times. I have faced mine, come to realizations and I have begun to look at my life in a new way. I know that the fighting, distrust and such that has been in my life for quite sometime is not good for me, nor Xander. Since moving out and saying im finished has helped actually, I stress less, I am not shedding or breaking out like i was, Xander is happier and so am I. When I was at the house, It was as if i was always walking on eggshells and had a rain clod hanging over me. Nick says he suffers from depression but he does nothing about it. Just being around it drags me and the others around me down. Now I dont have to worry about it. I know there will be more things that I will be wrapped up in but I will deal with those when the time comes. What i dont need to be wraped up in is his issues and problems from the past. He says the past is the past and should stay there. BUT when its legal issues and comes to bite you in th eass as well as possibly harm those in your life, then it can not be there. I should have never had to deal with someone elses demons. After the holidays paperwork will be started for the devorce. This time there is no second chance. There have been too many already. One of the bigest things is trust. If you cant trust the other, then it will harm the relationship. He had lost my trust quite some time ago. He had never earned it back. Its not for lack of me trying to trust again, but there had been many things come to light that caused harm to that earning of trust back. There is only one person that I have trusted with my life and I still do. Knowing that, drives nick crazy and it always has. But i cant help it. Anyway, I have now moved on, I am happier and more relaxed. I play WoW most of the time, or TSO when Xander is sleeping or hes on my lap just playing around. I have made new friends, Matrix as well as a couple of other Djs from an internet radio station "Disturbed Radio". I have started talking to someone from my past again, One that brings out the good side in me, The creative side,alot of aspects of who I am that had long been forgotten. I know writing this here may cause issues but No, I am not and did not leave Nakia for someone else. Dont think that. I am a loyal person and that thought has never crossed my mind. I have been accused of doing as much. I have heard many things that have been said about me. WHat i do know is that i dont care. I am happy now and yes, the person that makes me happy is from my past. Somethings though should not remain in the past. Caring for someone will never fade. How i felt 10 years ago about David, yes most know him as Shadow, have never faded. Nick, I think, knows that. He had asked me in the begining and always got the same answer. The truth hurts sometimes I know. The other issue that i am going to write about is this, and this time, im calling it out flat, streight and simple. Jamie.. you and I have had several problems in the past. you have gone after everyone in my small circle and have denied it time after time. I dont know what your deal is, if you have issues with me, then find me. You have tried to cyber Nick, Kyo, Chris and even Shadow. That my dear will cause problems galore for you. Most of all.. there not interested. Last and only warning. Stay off of Shadow. Now that being said, im out.
*waits for coments from several ppl now*