The Mirror and The Sword: Chapter 3 (2,220 words)
Shyla could not feel her body against the floor. She was paralyzed by the words that had flown about in the library, where she still sat under the table staring straight forward, confused, and utterly dumbfounded.
How old was she again? Fifteen?
( Really? No way. )
"She did not answer, her nerves drawn tautly now like the strings of a lute." - You'll have to check on this. but I think it should just be "taut," not "tautly."
"and easily wrested Marrin away from her. Away from her hands, far away from the sword, from her." You can probably end this at "from the sword." You already said "away from her" above.
"Shyla could not feel the coldness from the absence of his touch" - I don't get this. Did she expect to feel a coldness? I know hands are usually warm, but it doesn't seem like something someone would think about as everything was happening.
"Shyla kept slipping away and no matter how hard she tried to grasp at the walls or floor, she fell into darkness." - I'm not sure what happened here. Was she being pulled from the room by the power? Did she just pass out; and if so, why was she grasping at the walls and floor? Seems like you might need a bit more to lead up to this.
"She got to her knees, slowly, still feeling sudden pain as a roll of thunder..." - Remove "sudden." If she's still feeling pain, it wouldn't be sudden.
"she saw his body rise and fall in deep breathing in the flashes of lightening." Would lightning really be enough to see someone breathing?
"asses her" I think you need another "s" on there. :-)
"The smile disappeared from the head of the shadow, and it continued on its lumbering walk across the floor, finally sinking back into the darkness. Shyla threw herself at the main doors of the Castle, thrusting them open, not even caring who heard, saw, or even caring to close them." This seems like another abrupt tansition. She doesn't question the shadow, isn't curious about it? Nothing?
"still wet and miserable" You probably don't need the "still." Simply describing her as wet and miserable is enough.
"She was tired, miserable, hungry, afraid..." Remember, show don't tell. Again, you could lengthen this entire chapter by being more descriptive about what Shyla is feeling and thinking at moments like this.
"could not go back to where she had run from..." Why? Is she afraid of getting in trouble about the sword and Mirren? Does she think she won't be accepted back in? Or the consequences if she goes back? What are her thoughts here?
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