[OTC] Can I ask you something?
[Set in wayward_au. Ben is mini_dean and used with permission from his mun who asked for Ben/Anna future!fic with the prompt “ring.” Jen is notataxiservice and mine to use and abuse as I see fit. It’s angsty, I’m sorry.]
“You’re stewing.”
Anna looked up at her friend, startled for a moment, before closing her hand over what she was holding in her hand. She could feel the cold press of the metal pushing into her skin, and the startled, deer in the headlights look didn’t fade until she remembered that she had been spoken to. “What? I’m not.”
“You are.” Jen made her way across the room, watching her closely as she sat down on the couch next to her. “Alright, tell me. What happened.”
She briefly contemplated denying it again, but instead she turned her hand in Jen’s direction, before opening her fingers, revealing the engagement ring in her palm. Her friends eyes widened slightly as she reached forward, taking the ring from her hand. She knew what it meant. Both girls knew she did, but there was something about the moment itself that somehow demanded that Jen actually get the words out loud.
“Ben proposed?”
Anna nodded slowly, rubbing her forehead lightly as she looked over at Jen. There was another long silence, and she could tell from the look that Jen was waiting to hear what the answer was. It took her a long time to actually get up the words and even then she didn’t speak up that loudly. “I haven’t-I didn’t give him an answer. I said I had to think about it.”
That got her a groan and Jen’s head flopped back against the couch. “Goddamnit, Anna.”
“I know.”
“You told him you had to think about it?”
“I know.”
“Why? What’s there to think about? You love him, right?”
“It’s not that simple. It’s just-he’s different.” She couldn’t believe that she was saying this, her of all people, because she’s not supposed to care. It was still Ben. It was always Ben. It was just -not the same. “He’s not him anymore.”
“Anna, he’s Ben. How much could he have changed?”
She closed her eyes. “It’s stupid, right? I mean, it shouldn’t matter. That place he went to wasn’t real. I’m competing with an imaginary girl that some nasty came up with in order to get to him, and it shouldn’t matter. But he came back different. What he wants is different. The kicker is? Ben’s mind came up with that girl, because he wished for her. It’s what he really wants. He’s gotten better, but there are still times when he’ll look at me, and-” Her voice cut off as she tried to find the right words for it. “-he’s looking for something that I’m not. He’s not mine anymore. He belongs to someone else. And every time he looks at me, he’s looking for her.”
“God, Anna, that is not what this is about.” Jen gave her a pointed look. “You’re upset because he left you.”
“He did leave me. But that’s not it. I could live with that because he came back and it wasn’t all his fault.”
“Well, according to you, he didn’t come back. You got someone else’s guy.”
“That’s just what it feels like,” she replied, burying her face in her knees. Her chest was starting to get tight, the way it would right before some kind of panic would be setting in, and she hated it. She wanted to shove it away and be okay with this, but she had too many doubts. Too many concerns. “I can’t give him what he wants. The kid and the dutiful wife and the white picket fence, I just-I can’t. I can’t do it. I can’t stay like that.”
“And he knows that-”
“Does he?” The question was small and quiet, almost as though there was a little kid that was asking it as oppose to a full grown woman. “He kept saying that we ‘were’ so happy, and every time I tried to tell him that we could still be happy, he just looked at me like-”
“Anna-but the thing you’re missing here is that it wasn’t real. It was all in his head.”
“Yeah. Twenty years, all in his head. What am I supposed to do with that?”
Jen sighed heavily, before placing the ring back in her friend’s hand. “You don’t want to get hurt. I get that. But ask yourself one question: do you love him enough that you want to be with him all the time. If the answer’s yes, then tell him yes. If the answer’s no, then say no. The other stuff will work itself out. Stop thinking about her.”
Anna closed her fingers around the ring again, letting the hand fall into her lap as she leaned back against the couch again. She was no closer to an answer than she was when she first sat down, but it felt good to actually say that to someone, and not just keep it all bottled in to herself. She sighed slightly, just turning the ring in her fingers before she heard the creak! of the screen door opening and someone coming inside.
“Anna? You here?”
She stared down at the ring again, and took a deep breath. Now or never.
“Yeah, Ben. I’m in here.”
862 words
“You’re stewing.”
Anna looked up at her friend, startled for a moment, before closing her hand over what she was holding in her hand. She could feel the cold press of the metal pushing into her skin, and the startled, deer in the headlights look didn’t fade until she remembered that she had been spoken to. “What? I’m not.”
“You are.” Jen made her way across the room, watching her closely as she sat down on the couch next to her. “Alright, tell me. What happened.”
She briefly contemplated denying it again, but instead she turned her hand in Jen’s direction, before opening her fingers, revealing the engagement ring in her palm. Her friends eyes widened slightly as she reached forward, taking the ring from her hand. She knew what it meant. Both girls knew she did, but there was something about the moment itself that somehow demanded that Jen actually get the words out loud.
“Ben proposed?”
Anna nodded slowly, rubbing her forehead lightly as she looked over at Jen. There was another long silence, and she could tell from the look that Jen was waiting to hear what the answer was. It took her a long time to actually get up the words and even then she didn’t speak up that loudly. “I haven’t-I didn’t give him an answer. I said I had to think about it.”
That got her a groan and Jen’s head flopped back against the couch. “Goddamnit, Anna.”
“I know.”
“You told him you had to think about it?”
“I know.”
“Why? What’s there to think about? You love him, right?”
“It’s not that simple. It’s just-he’s different.” She couldn’t believe that she was saying this, her of all people, because she’s not supposed to care. It was still Ben. It was always Ben. It was just -not the same. “He’s not him anymore.”
“Anna, he’s Ben. How much could he have changed?”
She closed her eyes. “It’s stupid, right? I mean, it shouldn’t matter. That place he went to wasn’t real. I’m competing with an imaginary girl that some nasty came up with in order to get to him, and it shouldn’t matter. But he came back different. What he wants is different. The kicker is? Ben’s mind came up with that girl, because he wished for her. It’s what he really wants. He’s gotten better, but there are still times when he’ll look at me, and-” Her voice cut off as she tried to find the right words for it. “-he’s looking for something that I’m not. He’s not mine anymore. He belongs to someone else. And every time he looks at me, he’s looking for her.”
“God, Anna, that is not what this is about.” Jen gave her a pointed look. “You’re upset because he left you.”
“He did leave me. But that’s not it. I could live with that because he came back and it wasn’t all his fault.”
“Well, according to you, he didn’t come back. You got someone else’s guy.”
“That’s just what it feels like,” she replied, burying her face in her knees. Her chest was starting to get tight, the way it would right before some kind of panic would be setting in, and she hated it. She wanted to shove it away and be okay with this, but she had too many doubts. Too many concerns. “I can’t give him what he wants. The kid and the dutiful wife and the white picket fence, I just-I can’t. I can’t do it. I can’t stay like that.”
“And he knows that-”
“Does he?” The question was small and quiet, almost as though there was a little kid that was asking it as oppose to a full grown woman. “He kept saying that we ‘were’ so happy, and every time I tried to tell him that we could still be happy, he just looked at me like-”
“Anna-but the thing you’re missing here is that it wasn’t real. It was all in his head.”
“Yeah. Twenty years, all in his head. What am I supposed to do with that?”
Jen sighed heavily, before placing the ring back in her friend’s hand. “You don’t want to get hurt. I get that. But ask yourself one question: do you love him enough that you want to be with him all the time. If the answer’s yes, then tell him yes. If the answer’s no, then say no. The other stuff will work itself out. Stop thinking about her.”
Anna closed her fingers around the ring again, letting the hand fall into her lap as she leaned back against the couch again. She was no closer to an answer than she was when she first sat down, but it felt good to actually say that to someone, and not just keep it all bottled in to herself. She sighed slightly, just turning the ring in her fingers before she heard the creak! of the screen door opening and someone coming inside.
“Anna? You here?”
She stared down at the ring again, and took a deep breath. Now or never.
“Yeah, Ben. I’m in here.”
862 words