so lost, confused.
I wish I was you not I.
For some reason, i have been in the worst mood lately. sure i could blame it all on PMS, but that would just be taking the cheap way out. I am too selfish. Expecially as a girlfriend, because I am very needy. I need to talk to him and I need to see him, and when I don't, i just get really frustrated. I let always tell everything to him, and I always vent to him. But I feel like I am "venting" too much, making him not want to be around me. I love him dearly, and I wish he knew that. I guess you can never define love with the perfect words, it just has to come to you when it does. I've heard alot of people say that when you are with someone for a long period of time, you get used to them, and the relationship becomes less special. I really hope that doesn't happen. I have made so many mistakes in the past. With few guys, but they all still effect me. I have issues with past boy friends. I think it just makes me mad that none of them talk to me anymore. I hate it when that happens. When you can be so close to someone, and know someone for so long and then POOF its like you don't exist, and that other person just forgets all about you. I guess it's something I was going to have to eventually experience, so i can't complain much. I don't want to screw things up with Brandon, because unlike all my other relationships, this one is love, not puppy love, not too young to know what love is, its the real thing. And I could see myself with him forever. I love it when we are cuddling and watching tv, and then all of a sudden i wake up, and realize we fell asleep together. I love kissing him. I love being with him. And I dont care if any of you like him, or dont like him( i.e. kids at my lunch table)- to you guys, please don't talk about him anymore, i am really sick of it. and you are all so close to me, so i hope you take this seriously, and get out of my buisness. Have your own opinions, but if you were true friends. you would realize that I am happy. and that is all that matters.
Also, by the way I must bring up something that has really been bugging me. I don't like it when other guy's touch me. When other guy's hug me. It really upsets me,and it just really makes me feel uncomfortable, and it also hurts brandon's feelings,and I wouldnt want him running around hugging other girls. I mean. i am a REALLY big flirt, but its got to stop. I need to keep my mind focused on school. I need to ALWAYS do my homework. I need to have more fun with my friends. I need to be me. I need to get money. I need to be happier, and realize that I have all the good things in the world. and I need to stop being so selfish. I am going to loose weight, not for anyone else, but for me, to look better for myself. Anyways, I am really sorry for this rant I am having, but things were just really bottled inside and i needed to let them out, im sure you all know how that gets. thank you for listening. -kendall