Death, life and those moments between
I love Marvin very very much.
I have never ever felt like this about anyone.
Even though we were "on a break" it's not like I saw anyone else really. I kind of liked Michael, or so I thought... I think the whole attraction was simply because no other male but Marvin has acted like they liked me.. at all. It seems over the past few years I have just lost people, and not gained any to take up the empty spaces they left.
And I have noticed the problems with the friends I do have left me without trust. I can comfortably say I do not fully trust anyone anymore, and that honestly, is perfectly fine. All that time I felt so dumb... I thought I had good friends I could trust but then people would post on their myspaces and shit about how they have no friends, or how they hate practically everyone they know.
It was weird, and I felt dumb.
I never felt like talking about it but I think the reason Michael quit talking to me is because I quit talking to him.. I tried contacting him a couple times but it seemed like out of fucking nowhere he wants nothing to do to me. And I am confident it had to do with Clara.. "CALL HIM!! CALL HIM!!!" uhh why, so you can sleep with his brother? Probably. But then I was wondering if she didnt have a thing for Michael. But after all that, I am really glad we dont speak or see each other anymore. He was everything I did not want a part of, I realized that very quickly. The large percentage of time he spent high was staggering. Plus the way he would talk to me reminded me too much of the psychosis of my own father. Sorry dude. I rehashed it so many times in my head.... I think what I wanted most out of everything was a friend. A true friend that didnt have to change for his/her significant other. A friend that thought if there was a problem, they would confront it instead of avoid it and make things worse. A friend that wouldnt be two-faced.
In short...a friend.
Anyway back to what I was saying initially.
I love Marvin and always have. Nothing I can do will change what happened between us in the beginning, and nothing will take back the obsessions, or those horrible things we did before finding each other..
Sometimes I am very bored with our relationships and imagine myself gorgeous and rich with a gorgeous rich (and always) much older man. The glamorous younger girl that everyone thinks is arm candy, but realizes how down to earth I am and intelligent.
That's just for kicks.
But would I really love that? Of course!
But Marvin needs to do something really horrible to end our relationship. Like.. sleep with Sandy or something..
OH GOD.
I almost puked.
Well, he could have for all I know. I know he's keeping a good chunk of his past from me, and I know it consists of things like that, so I'd rather not know. Because if I do know I may not be able to handle that shit.
I do.. get very very bored with him.
But I cannot possibly live without him.
Its kind of sick in a way... really. I was the last one to want to live with my significant other.. and I'm the one that had the least problems with it.
It was so strange... we dont really have anymore fights. It's like subconciously we were mad because we couldnt get enough of eachother. I hate saying stuff like that but it has to be true. I have become so comfortable with marvin it is mind-numbingly boring but I cant stand being away from him. So he's a very addictive drug.
Even though people(including him) dramatized the problems we had...
Saying Marvin was "probably just belly-aching about Emily"
HAH!!!!!
Youre one to talk.
And trying to scrape him off on someone else like he was a starving stray animal no one wanted but everyone felt bad leaving it on the street.
FUCK YOU.
I have probably been there the most for him... I'm the only one that said he could make it through college.
And I still firmly believe in that, and I know he will prove everyone wrong.
So go ahead, laugh as you read this whole thing, denying the truth in what I say.
Okay, now I am getting super pissed off at what back stabbing friends I had/have.
I'm gonna stop now.
I have never ever felt like this about anyone.
Even though we were "on a break" it's not like I saw anyone else really. I kind of liked Michael, or so I thought... I think the whole attraction was simply because no other male but Marvin has acted like they liked me.. at all. It seems over the past few years I have just lost people, and not gained any to take up the empty spaces they left.
And I have noticed the problems with the friends I do have left me without trust. I can comfortably say I do not fully trust anyone anymore, and that honestly, is perfectly fine. All that time I felt so dumb... I thought I had good friends I could trust but then people would post on their myspaces and shit about how they have no friends, or how they hate practically everyone they know.
It was weird, and I felt dumb.
I never felt like talking about it but I think the reason Michael quit talking to me is because I quit talking to him.. I tried contacting him a couple times but it seemed like out of fucking nowhere he wants nothing to do to me. And I am confident it had to do with Clara.. "CALL HIM!! CALL HIM!!!" uhh why, so you can sleep with his brother? Probably. But then I was wondering if she didnt have a thing for Michael. But after all that, I am really glad we dont speak or see each other anymore. He was everything I did not want a part of, I realized that very quickly. The large percentage of time he spent high was staggering. Plus the way he would talk to me reminded me too much of the psychosis of my own father. Sorry dude. I rehashed it so many times in my head.... I think what I wanted most out of everything was a friend. A true friend that didnt have to change for his/her significant other. A friend that thought if there was a problem, they would confront it instead of avoid it and make things worse. A friend that wouldnt be two-faced.
In short...a friend.
Anyway back to what I was saying initially.
I love Marvin and always have. Nothing I can do will change what happened between us in the beginning, and nothing will take back the obsessions, or those horrible things we did before finding each other..
Sometimes I am very bored with our relationships and imagine myself gorgeous and rich with a gorgeous rich (and always) much older man. The glamorous younger girl that everyone thinks is arm candy, but realizes how down to earth I am and intelligent.
That's just for kicks.
But would I really love that? Of course!
But Marvin needs to do something really horrible to end our relationship. Like.. sleep with Sandy or something..
OH GOD.
I almost puked.
Well, he could have for all I know. I know he's keeping a good chunk of his past from me, and I know it consists of things like that, so I'd rather not know. Because if I do know I may not be able to handle that shit.
I do.. get very very bored with him.
But I cannot possibly live without him.
Its kind of sick in a way... really. I was the last one to want to live with my significant other.. and I'm the one that had the least problems with it.
It was so strange... we dont really have anymore fights. It's like subconciously we were mad because we couldnt get enough of eachother. I hate saying stuff like that but it has to be true. I have become so comfortable with marvin it is mind-numbingly boring but I cant stand being away from him. So he's a very addictive drug.
Even though people(including him) dramatized the problems we had...
Saying Marvin was "probably just belly-aching about Emily"
HAH!!!!!
Youre one to talk.
And trying to scrape him off on someone else like he was a starving stray animal no one wanted but everyone felt bad leaving it on the street.
FUCK YOU.
I have probably been there the most for him... I'm the only one that said he could make it through college.
And I still firmly believe in that, and I know he will prove everyone wrong.
So go ahead, laugh as you read this whole thing, denying the truth in what I say.
Okay, now I am getting super pissed off at what back stabbing friends I had/have.
I'm gonna stop now.