The Impasse
I have come to the crossroad. I never thought I would come to this point. I don't party on a regular basis, or so I told myself. In the last week or so I have drank every night. Last night it occurred to me. This is not who I am. I didn't want to be this girl. I have turned into her. So, after a night of self reflection and prayer or meditation, whatever it was, I was talking to some power or being. I need to step away from that. I hate the things I say when I drink. I hate the truth I admit to. I speak things that should not be said by a lady of class. I tell my own secrets that shouldn't be shared. Things that I keep for myself. I hate myself when I do that and I am better than that. I am a classy woman,and I don't prove it when I act thusly.
I miss the girl who has depth and people want to talk to her. I miss the girl who anyone can count on for a ride if the party gets out of hand. I don't want to be the girl who has to lean on others because she can't walk a straight line. It is embarrassing. I don't need it. I can have a drink, but getting drunk just isn't me. So, I am not drinking until my 21st in November, and even then, responsibly.
This summer was about growth. This is just one more lesson. I am a woman of class and will act like one. I will be the woman I am meant to be. A woman who deserves the respect that those around me already give me. A woman who deserves good friendship, good relationships, good conversation, and meaningful experiences. I will be the woman I hope to be, smart, driven, empathetic, kind, beautiful.
Wake up calls are good. I wish I had figured this out before I said and did some things, but no use dwelling on what cannot be changed. Whether it was God or my own conscience, something woke me up and re-introduced myself to myself. Thank you mirror of the universe. My moral compass just needed a little tune up.
I miss the girl who has depth and people want to talk to her. I miss the girl who anyone can count on for a ride if the party gets out of hand. I don't want to be the girl who has to lean on others because she can't walk a straight line. It is embarrassing. I don't need it. I can have a drink, but getting drunk just isn't me. So, I am not drinking until my 21st in November, and even then, responsibly.
This summer was about growth. This is just one more lesson. I am a woman of class and will act like one. I will be the woman I am meant to be. A woman who deserves the respect that those around me already give me. A woman who deserves good friendship, good relationships, good conversation, and meaningful experiences. I will be the woman I hope to be, smart, driven, empathetic, kind, beautiful.
Wake up calls are good. I wish I had figured this out before I said and did some things, but no use dwelling on what cannot be changed. Whether it was God or my own conscience, something woke me up and re-introduced myself to myself. Thank you mirror of the universe. My moral compass just needed a little tune up.